


Incomplete

by Peskychloe



Series: Spinal Injury AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - British, Blow Jobs, British Slang, Disabled Character, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hair-pulling (mild), Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Masturbation, Mature in later chapters, Medical discussion but not graphic, Permanent Injury, Semi-Public Sex, Set during current second years final year, Spinal Injury, UK Setting, as in the ending is happy but that doesn't mean the injury isn't permanent, sex shelf, soft and fluffy though, third years have already left
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-10-24 15:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 72,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10744194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peskychloe/pseuds/Peskychloe
Summary: Terushima only starts volunteering at the hospital to fulfill his college application requirements, but it turns out to be a bigger and more important decision than he realises the day a rival volleyball team show up asking where one of their members has been taken.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give trigger warnings, but I also don't want there to be any spoilers, so this fic is based around a terrible, tragic accident, and a member of Karasuno is permanently injured in an incredibly serious way. No one dies, I promise, and it's not going to be as angsty as that makes it sound. If you need more details, feel free to ask me on tumblr what the injury is before reading.

_He sat on the edge of his open window, legs dangling outside. The day was hot, and the breeze across his calves did little to relieve him, but it was still fun. He had his book, and a view across the nearby fields. He was already halfway through the book his mother wouldn't let him read, saying for weeks it was too grown-up. He just liked the picture of the car on the front, he didn't expect it to be scary, but reading it in daylight was ok._

_'Yuuji! Get down from there!' His mother was suddenly standing below the window, looking up at him with a face like thunder._

_'Sorry! It's not too old for me though! I'm fine with it.'_

_'Get inside, right now!'_

_Reluctantly, he dragged himself inside, and his mother stormed towards the house. He knew he would be in for it now. He shoved the book under his bed just as she ran through the door and pulled the window shut. He tensed, waiting for the shouting to start._

_To his surprise, she grabbed him by the shoulders, and pulled him against her, stroking his head._

_'Never, never, do that again.' She held him away from her, his face between her hands, and he could see her face was stricken, tear tracks down both cheeks. 'You could have fallen and broken your neck.'_

_She brought him back into the tight hug, and started muttering about getting his father to make sure the windows wouldn't open that wide any more._

_'You could have broken your neck,' she repeated, her voice cracking this time._

_'Sorry, Mum, I won't do it again.'_

_She sounded so heartbroken; at eight years old, Terushima Yuuji was now terrified of breaking his neck, and by extension, of heights._

–

The phrase “It will look good on your college application” was said to him at least once a week, by teachers, parents, career advisers, and sometimes complete strangers. It was the reason for all activities outside of school, and despite his defiance, the reason he had had to leave the volleyball club in his final year.

Volleyball was the one thing that he truly enjoyed, out of all of the extracurricular activities he was forced to undertake. Even learning the guitar wasn't half as much fun as it had sounded when he'd requested lessons at the age of eleven; he hadn't really understood there would be grading, and he'd be learning the classical guitar, and not electric.

With volleyball, he could have fun while still fulfilling the remit of “looking good for colleges”; and it was a lot of fun, even though he was groomed for the captaincy by his father from the time he first joined. Luckily his skill and popularity made him a sure thing, but even those couldn't convince his teachers to relax their rule of final year students having to give up sport clubs. His argument that other clubs were exempt was met with their opinion that all other clubs were educational in some way, and the counter argument of how much he was learning in the 'Exhibition Club' was met with only silence.

The other club he was in which gave him, if not enjoyment, then immense satisfaction, was the 'Citizenship Club', which organised voluntary positions for students. Each Tuesday after school, he would take a short walk to the sheltered housing nearby and sit drinking tea and talking to a woman in her eighties called May. It was only thirty minutes out of his day, and even though he had started out of some sense of duty, he had become fond of her. Every now and again, there would be flashes of how he imagined her as a younger woman as she told little jokes. If the weather was good, he would walk her around the quadrant; it only took five minutes at the speed she walked, but she gripped his hand tightly the whole time.

'They say cold hands, warm heart, but you have such warm hands, Yuuji. I don't think that's true at all.'

That's what she used to say to him, and he would blush and try to be humble about it, but those words stuck with him. The day he turned up and she didn't answer the door, he had to find the Warden who informed him she had passed away. She let him sit in her office for a little while, as he sniffled, and rubbed his warm hands together, and thought about what she'd said. It eased his pain to remember her fondly.

He was known at school for being fun, above everything else; he liked telling jokes, pulling pranks, and he really liked chatting up the girls from the other local high school. He was the one you found if you needed someone to look old enough to buy you alcohol, the one you asked to dye your hair for you, and the one who would always do whatever dare you asked him to.

If they could have seen him then, sobbing as he held a china cup of sweet tea in both hands, trying to resurrect the warmth in them, he was sure it wouldn't do his reputation any good.

His form tutor suggested another resident might like a visit, but with only six months left of his final year, he didn't want to start another friendship with someone who could also pass on. He chose to try volunteering at the hospital, and chose the help desk so he couldn't get attached to anyone. He would stand by the door, wearing a blue tabard, and say hello to everyone who came in; some said hello back, some would ignore him, some would snap at him. He knew everyone had their own story, and he didn't take it personally, just directed them to where they needed to be, escorting them if it was required.

It was easy enough, and even though he didn't get as much joy from it as talking to May, he still felt a sense of achievement from helping people, and now and again he would feel that his warm greeting might just have made a difference to someone who really needed it as they walked through the door.

The day when he knew this to be absolutely true was the day two adults and a mass of teenagers flew through the doors, most of them wearing the black and orange uniforms he recognised as the volleyball club who had beat them during the Spring High the year before.

–

'Good day, love?' his Mum asked as he walked into the house. If she'd looked up at him, she probably would have noticed the worry lines on his face.

'Not really,' he said, hanging up his jacket and running his hands through his hair. 'Remember that team, Karasuno? From the tournament last year?'

'Vaguely.'

'One of them's in the hospital.'

She finally turned and looked at him, wiping her wet hands on a tea towel. 'Oh, no, is he ok?'

He shook his head. 'I really don't think so, no. I didn't see him, but they took him to the spinal unit. That's... never good.'

'Bloody hell, what happened?'

'They were playing volleyball, and he slammed into a wall.'

'Doesn't sound too bad, I'm sure he'll be ok.'

'Maybe.' But the words from the rest of the team echoed in his mind, even if he didn't want to say them to his Mum. He didn't want to have to stop playing volleyball once he went to university, and he knew she would stop him if she knew the whole truth of what had happened.

She ruffled his hair, and for once he didn't complain, allowing her to pull him into her chest. 'You ok?'

'Just worried about him,' he said, holding her closer.

'You should visit him next time you're there. I'm sure he'd like to see you.'

'I'm not sure he'll remember me. I don't think he even played in the match. Plus that whole team just thinks of me as the idiot who wouldn't leave their manager alone.'

She pulled back to look at him, brushing his fringe from his eyes, and kissing his forehead. 'Well, yes, that was stupid.'

'She's just so pretty, though, Mum. I lost my senses a bit.'

She laughed and kissed his head again. 'I'm sure talking to them today helped them see you're not always like that. Go see him next week, if he's even still there.'

But Terushima knew he would be.

He went upstairs, and opened his laptop, starting up a group chat with Bobata and Futamata. He needed to talk to someone about what had happened, who would know who he was talking about, and would also understand what a freak accident this would be in volleyball.

–

The next day at school, news had spread that someone from Karasuno High School was in hospital. A few girls were sniffling together on the quad, groups of boys were gathered around trying to recreate the accident; worst of all, the fact that Terushima worked at the hospital and had spoken to the rest of the team had got out, and he was more popular than he'd ever been. At first, he enjoyed the attention, but the more times he had to say the same words, the more they burrowed into his brain and fed the concern.

'Do you think I should just break into the office and make an announcement to the whole school?' he whined, dropping his head onto his forearms as they stretched across the table.

'People will forget by tomorrow,' said Bobata, dropping a Kit Kat on his head.

'None of them even really know who he is. They just like being part of the drama. Were any of them even at the frigging match?'

Futamata bit across all four fingers of his own Kit Kat at once and talked through a mouthful of chocolate. 'C'mon Yuuji, it's a big thing! Remember when Seiji broke his leg? Everyone wanted to sign the cast.'

'It's not really the same, is it?'

'Bones heal,' Bobata shrugged. 'I bet he'll be playing again in Nationals.'

Terushima snapped off a finger, shoving the whole thing into his mouth so he didn't have to speak; he suspected he wouldn't be able to keep civil. It wasn't really his friends' fault, they hadn't spent as much time as he had at the hospital, they didn't seem to understand how serious the spinal unit being involved was.

It was unlikely he'd ever walk, never mind play volleyball again.

Next morning, their head teacher made an announcement about the Karasuno player, and people left Terushima alone now that he had no information they didn't already know. Runa started a collection to get whatever it was they considered might help in this situation. Terushima couldn't even imagine, but he started thinking of things he could take when he eventually went to visit; would the latest issue of a volleyball magazine be in poor taste?

In the end, he decided to just get a football magazine, a bunch of grapes, and a card, Runa had already sent over a large bunch of flowers from the team. Terushima had been really confused by this, he would hate to receive flowers; but maybe Runa had asked Yachhi what kind of thing to buy, or maybe she was just going for what people bought for people in hospital without giving it much thought.

His request to leave school early the following Tuesday was granted once he explained where he was going. He wanted to get the visit done before his shift on the helpdesk, but when he arrived and explained to his supervisor, she suggested he just use his volunteering shift to visit his friend. He tried to explain he barely knew him, but she insisted, reminding him that hospital is a lonely place when opening hours are finished.

The spinal unit was close to the main entrance, it was what the hospital was famed for after all. He walked past the cafe, spontaneously picking up two cups of coffee on the way, then spent the rest of his walk worrying he wouldn't be able to drink it and he'd look like he was being mean. As he saw the blue inverted V shape over the doors, he decided to just give the coffees to two men sitting in the smoking shelter in wheelchairs. The official tabard he was still wearing meant they weren't as suspicious as they could have been, broadly smiling and thanking him for an unexpected pick-me-up.

He didn't recognise anyone on reception, but once again his official uniform helped him to get the information he needed, so he followed the nurse with trepidation towards the bed within the St Andrews Ward he was looking for.

'This is where everyone starts treatment here,' she explained, 'Your friend will probably be in a special bed for a while until he stabilises. It might look a bit weird, seeing him lying down.'

It was only a short walk, obviously the ward for newly injured patients was closest to the main nurse's desk, they'd be the people needing most attention. The room was large, with the pervading scent only ever found on a hospital ward; some kind of mixture of antiseptic and bleach, underlaid with slight floral scents from the flowers, and most bizarrely of all, gravy and boiled cabbage from the trolleys of warm food in the corridor.

'Oh, have I come during dinner?'

'It's fine, he's not eating food yet, or drinking. He has a saline drip in.'

Terushima gulped. This was worse than he'd expected, but at least he'd given the coffee away on the way in.

'I had grapes,' he said pointlessly, holding his bag up.

'I'm sure someone else on the ward will appreciate them,' she said in a kind voice.

By this time they were at the final bed of four, and the one closest to the window. Metal barriers stretched along both sides of the bed, obscuring most of his body, but Terushima could see he was facing away from them. At least he could see out of the window.

On the table next to the bed stood a vase of flowers, he assumed the ones his team had sent, as well as a couple of cards, with many others tacked to the wall over the bed behind him. He spotted a couple with drawings on them of volleyball players, and cursed himself for not being able to find one so suitable; he'd chosen one with a big orange cat on it, remembering the colour of their uniforms, with a speech bubble saying, 'Hope you're feline better soon'. Seeing him here, it seemed ridiculous. There was no soon in this recovery.

The closer he got, the more equipment he could see. Not just the stand holding the saline bag with a tube coming from it going into his arm, but at least two others, maybe more, holding tubes going in or out underneath the sheets.

Probably the most shocking thing was the contraption around his head. Four metal poles were spaced around his head, one on the front and one on the back of each shoulder. He could see a bar holding the bottoms of the poles across the front of his chest. The tops of the poles were connected to a metal circle going around his forehead, and he was shocked to see screws going through holes in the metal and boring into his flesh.

The breath stuck in his throat, and he realised he was going to start crying. When he started working at the hospital, they taught him a trick; he dug the fingernail of his right thumb into the soft flesh of his palm, and the pain caused his tears to dry before they could fall. Apparently it was something to do with focusing on the sensation somewhere else that stopped you crying if you didn't want to.

The last thing he should do was cry, it would be the last thing he needed from Terushima right now.

The nurse drew over a chair, placing it at the head of the bed on the side near the window, and smiled at him as he stood rooted to the spot. 'Here you go. He's just about awake.'

The leather of the chair made a noise like a whoopee cushion as he settled in it, but he couldn't laugh.

He definitely didn't play in their match, he remembered now. The name hadn't rung any bells, but now he saw him again, he knew exactly who he was. He'd been hanging around in the background when he was asking Kiyoko for her phone number, frowning, and then laughing when Hinata jumped and sidetracked the conversation.

The sweep of the fringe was still recognisable beneath the cage around his head, and his eyes were even sleepier than usual.

'Hey Ennoshita.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note – I wanted to write this as canon compliant, or at least post canon, and I was going to research the subject matter as it is in Japan, but once I began to do that, I realised that the most important thing about the story I want to tell would be difficult to do without me understanding Japanese. As the reason for writing this isn't the canon aspect anyway, I have transferred everyone to England. I always feel like I'm copping out doing this, but honestly, I want to tell a story about feelings, and I think it would be wrong to bog myself down in getting every detail correct for another country I haven't experienced. The other thing is that my most valuable resource for this subject matter is a man who experienced this in England, so I ultimately made the decision to set this in an unspecified town in England. My cursory google search showed that the largest concentration of Japanese people in the UK is in Milton Keynes, and it's actually really close to the hospital I have in mind for this. So in this fic, Terushima lives in a fictional town very close to Stoke Mandeville, and Karasuno is a school in another fictional town closer to Milton Keynes (43 minute drive) with a majority Japanese population.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is now a blanket warning for hospital talk over the whole fic, but if there's anything unusual, I'll point it out in the notes.

Ennoshita blinked a couple of times before answering. 'Oh, hey. I remember you. Captain of Johzenji?'

'Yeah. Yuuji Terushima, I don't think we were introduced properly.'

'That was it. I'm Chikara Ennoshita.'

Terushima smiled and said, 'Yeah, I know.'

'Oh, yeah, 'course. Sorry, I'm sleepy.'

His eyes were almost closed again, making Terushima feel a bit guilty. He started standing up and said, 'I'll let you rest.'

'No! Please. Stay. It's nice having company. I'm just not very chatty.'

He reached into his bag and pulled out the card and other gifts. 'I don't know if you like football, but I brought you a magazine. And a card. Where would you like it?'

'That's so kind. Urm, can you open it for me?'

'Sure.' He slipped his fingernail under the flap he'd sealed himself a few hours before, and pulled out the card. It was odd taking a card from an envelope knowing what it looked like and had written inside, a strange kind of déja vu. He turned the card around, and held it up facing Ennoshita.

A grin flickered across his face as he read it, and then Terushima held it open so he could read the inside. He thought he saw a flinch, and quickly put it down.

'Are you OK? Does it hurt?'

'No, I'm just thirsty. Can you call a nurse?'

'What do you need? I can get it.' It seemed a waste of time getting a nurse for something so simple, especially as he was a hospital volunteer anyway.

'Oh. Urm. I'm not allowed to drink yet, but I can suck an ice cube.'

'I'll go find one. Hang on.'

Ennoshita quietly thanked him and closed his eyes, so Terushima went to the main nurse's station. There were only two staff members, one on the telephone, one checking files, so he asked the latter where the kitchen was, and found what he was looking for.

Back at the bed, he cleared his throat softly, and Ennoshita opened his eyes again.

'You want it just... in there?'

'Please,' he said, opening his mouth.

He picked up the ice cube between two fingers, and quickly put it on Ennoshita's tongue so it slipped into his cheek. 'Excuse my hands. I washed them before getting it.'

He sucked slowly, making a humming noise. 'God, that's good. It's so dry in here.'

Terushima sat back down, absent-mindedly picked three grapes from the bunch and popped them in his own mouth, before bringing his hand up and looking guilty.

'Oh fuck, I'm so sorry. These were meant for you, and now I'm eating them, and you can't eat anything! I feel so bad, sorry!'

Ennoshita started giggling, nearly losing his ice cube in the process. 'Bloody hell, Terushima, it's only some grapes! It's not like I want everyone else to stop eating. You gonna stop walking and moving your hands as well?'

Terushima's face dropped like a brick, even though Ennoshita was still smiling at him. He dug both thumbnails into the palms of his hands even harder to stop the ever threatening tears from falling.

'So,' Ennoshita said, breaking the tension, 'My team mates said you were here the day I got admitted. You work here?'

He nodded in response, still struggling not to cry, feeling pathetic for being so close to tears when he wasn't the one lying in a hospital bed.

'I wondered how your team knew I was here, until Tanaka told me. It was... lovely getting those flowers. Chrysanthemums. I like looking over at them.' His eyes flicked to the side, and, realising they were behind him, flicked back to Terushima. 'Oh. Well, I do when I'm facing the other way, anyway.'

'Have you heard from the other teams?'

'Yeah, I got cards from Kenji, Shigeru, Keiji, you know, all the other captains. I think Keiji is going to visit in a few weeks. After exams. We need to plan our next film.' As he spoke, the ice cube clacked against his teeth, and he had to suck back the water dribbling from the corner of his mouth every so often. 'Sorry, I sound a bit like The Elephant Man.'

'Maybe you should remake that?'

'Hey! That's a good plan! I don't know what we'll end up doing. We make a film every school break.'

Terushima thought back to the Easter holidays, and remembered seeing some photographs on Hinata's Instagram account of them filming something with wizards. 'Was it a Harry Potter thing last time?'

'Yeah, with Tsukki. I'm never working with him again. Well, not unless I need a snarky twat for something.'

There was no way there would be another Ennoshita production in the summer holidays, but it did no harm to talk about it as if there would be. Terushima carried on eating the grapes, ignoring the obvious, listening as Ennoshita talked about other possible scripts he might write with the help of Akaashi. The action film sounded the most like something he would personally want to watch, although he had to admit to being a bit curious about a time travelling plot.

The conversation dried up after discussing the possibility of casting Bokuto as the lead in one of their productions. Ennoshita had finally finished the ice cube, and ran his tongue along his bottom lip, collecting the remnants.

'Aren't you going to ask anything about what happened?'

'They told me on the day you arrived,' he said quietly, looking away.

'What did they say?'

'That you were playing in a match, but you ran into a wall too fast and at a weird angle.'

'Yeah.' Ennoshita was unable to move anything except his eyeballs, but it was easy to see the emotion brimming in them now. 'It was just a freak accident. Once I'm out of this thing around my head, I can start physiotherapy, get back to playing.'

'Oh? You're going to be able to play again? I thought...'

'I broke my neck, but that doesn't mean anything. Not these days.' There was a determination brewing now. 'There's all kinds of therapies and aids and stuff. I'm lucky I live so close to the National centre for spinal injuries. I'm going to get the best treatment.'

The words didn't sound like they were being spoken by an eighteen year old. It sounded like the script a doctor would recite to a patient or one of their family members, which was then getting filtered down to Ennoshita to make him feel better.

'OK,' Terushima answered, because he wasn't sure what else to say.

'I mean, I'll probably miss Nationals, Tanaka will have to be the captain for those. Our team is good though! Hinata and Kageyama are still doing their thing, Noya has taken one of the first years under his wing to train him up as the new libero.'

They seemed to be on less shaky ground talking about the team, so Terushima encouraged him to tell him all about the new first years. Although only three players had left, they'd taken on six new ones; the reasoning was that there were five current third years, which would create a large hole when they graduated. It sounded like Ennoshita knew exactly what he was doing, and he was sorry they'd never faced each other while they were both captains of their teams. Talking about volleyball was the most animated he'd been in the whole time he'd been there.

Eventually, the conversation slowed down, and it looked like he was struggling to stay awake. Terushima softly called his name, and his eyes flicked back open and towards him again.

'Would you like me to stay, or should I leave? It's visiting hours soon, are your parents coming?'

'Can you stay? Just 'til they arrive? I... really... hate being alone.'

He checked the wall clock; there were thirty minutes until visiting began, and even then maybe his parents wouldn't be there as soon as it started. He didn't want to leave him alone, he seemed so vulnerable, but he was also struggling to speak or even stay awake. It would be a shame to wear him out before his parents got the chance to speak to him.

'How about I just read to you until they arrive? That way you'll still have some energy for them.'

'Yeah.'

So he read aloud an interview with a famous striker, looking up at him every so often to check he was OK. His breathing slowed gradually; it was always fairly shallow, but he thought he'd probably dropped off, until it was confirmed with a small hum. A nurse brought him a glass of water after a couple of pages, smiling at him without interrupting the flow of his quiet words.

After the interview, he carried on reading the rest, until at half past six, a middle-aged couple with dark hair and eye bags came over to the bed.

'Hello, there. The nurse says you're a volunteer. Thanks for reading to Chikara.' Ennoshita's Father held his hand out to shake.

Terushima stood up out of the chair, moving aside to make space for them, and took his hand. 'It's no problem. We've played against each other at volleyball, actually, so I'm here as... well, a friend I guess.'

'Thank you, anyway. It's hard with his school friends so far away. It takes us an hour every day just to get here.'

Ennoshita's Mother had moved to the head of the bed, and was reading the new card she didn't recognise, the one which Terushima had brought with him. It was easy to see who Ennoshita took after; she had the same small quirk to her mouth as she smiled, the same sleepy eyelids, even though they were dusted with green shadow.

She rested her hand on Ennoshita's head, with the lightest of touches, and the look on her face was so tender and mournful, Terushima was struggling to keep his eyes dry again.

'I'm sorry he's asleep. I tried not to wear him out.'

Mrs Ennoshita shook her head. 'I bet he didn't want you to leave, did he?'

His Father smiled at him. 'It's fine, I'm just glad he's managing to sleep.'

'I'd better get home. When he wakes up, please tell him I'll be back next week.' He picked up his bag, shoved in the (now empty) bag of grapes, and laid the magazine gently on the foot of the bed. As he walked away, he could feel their eyes watching him, and he blinked the tears he'd been holding back for two hours out of his own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hospital Ennoshita is in is Stoke Mandeville, but all Spinal Units are amazing places, and I hope what I write does them justice.


	3. Chapter 3

The seven days between visits passed in the blink of an eye for Terushima, but he knew that wouldn't be the case for Ennoshita. Time obeyed its own laws in a hospital.

He'd only ever stayed in once when he was younger, and even then it was only a week, but it felt like years to his young mind. Ridiculously early morning starts, with breakfast during sunrise, meaning lunch would be delivered before midday. He remembered choosing the foods from a sheet, ticking against 'jam sandwich' as many times as they would allow.

The two hours between his evening meal and visiting hours was interminable, stretching ahead after the last bite of stodgy pudding, until he saw his Mum finally walking through the double doors. If they were the longest two hours of the day, the shortest were certainly the ones during her visit. His Father managed to make it only three evenings out of the eight he was away from his own bedroom.

Once he was discharged, it felt like he was coming home from months of military service, even though it was just a nasty infection he picked up. He was showered with attention and gifts, and was treated like a returning hero at school.

Ennoshita had already been in the hospital longer than he had, and was nowhere near ready to leave. He'd only just started eating food again, he was in no state to leave the hospital. Hinata had updated Terushima by text after the team visited at the weekend, and he was thankful that he'd had the idea to swap numbers with someone on the team.

He turned up for his volunteering stint, and once again his supervisor suggested he just visit his friend. This time he asked if he could also complete the rest of his sessions on the spinal unit. He only had four weeks left until exams began and he wouldn't have time to volunteer after that. Anyway he wanted to be there for Ennoshita; even though they barely knew each other, it was obvious he needed someone more than the information desk did. She agreed, without further question, and told him to keep the tabard until he was done.

He arrived again during meal time, and offered his assistance to the nurse he'd met the week before. She was hesitant at first, but the lack of spare hands on the ward got the better of her.

'It's mushroom soup. He'll need a straw to eat it.'

'Won't it melt?'

She just laughed, and handed him a tray with the soup, a few paper napkins, two plastic straws, and a small bread roll on it.

There was a table with U-shaped legs near the bed, so Terushima placed the tray on it, and pulled it closer to Ennoshita's bed. It was only as he got closer and pulled the table over the chair that he realised he was watching him.

'Alright? Are they short staffed, or are you just gunning for my food?'

'I'm trying to steal your bread roll,' he deadpanned.

'I wouldn't bother, they're pretty stale, usually.'

He looked much brighter than the week before, his smile warmer and wider. Terushima sat in the chair, shuffling himself and the table into position. Once satisfied, he looked up at Ennoshita, soup bowl in hand, to find him still looking at him with curiosity.

'You seem strangely happy about feeding me.' Thinking he'd offended Ennoshita, he began apologising, but was interrupted by him saying, 'No, no, it's fine. I was just... you're not what I expected.'

Terushima lay a napkin on the bed next to him, placed the bowl on top, and guided the straw towards Ennoshita's mouth. 'How do you mean?'

'Just. You know. How you are on court, the whole thing with Kiyoko.' He clamped the straw between his lips, and sucked up some of the soup. 'Urgh, everything hot tastes horrible through a straw.'

'Do you want some of the bread?'

'Please. Can you rip some off for me?'

Terushima tried to pull the bread roll into two halves, but the crustiness made it awkward and spilled crumbs all over his top. 'Sorry.'

'See? That's why I wanted it ripping off. I learnt the hard way, bed full of crumbs the other day.'

He put the bread into Ennoshita's waiting mouth. 'Sounds uncomfortable.'

'Oh, I couldn't feel it,' he said through a mouthful of bread. 'Sorry, I keep talking with my mouth full. It's difficult getting the rhythm when someone else is putting food in there and you can't nod or shake your head.'

Terushima moved the straw back into his mouth, leaning the bowl at an angle so his sucking could reach all the remains. 'Is it OK?'

'It's revolting,' he said between gulps.

'I was thinking earlier about when I was in hospital. I only remember eating sandwiches. And sweets, loads of sweets.' He bent forward to wipe some soup off Ennoshita's face. 'I wasn't in very long though. What else have you had?'

'Only soup, porridge, that kind of stuff. My stomach needs time to get over the shock, so they said.'

Terushima peered into the bowl to check how much was left. 'You want some bread before all the soup has gone?'

'No, it's definitely stale. I'm not that hungry anyway. Not using any energy am I?' He looked away, with a quick blink.

Terushima gulped. There was a creeping feeling of guilt every time he mentioned the effects of his accident. He knew it was ridiculous, it wasn't his fault this had happened, but somehow his being able to still do simple tasks just seemed so unfair when someone else his age could not.

'Can I get you anything else? I think they had jelly?'

Ennoshita's mouth was back to smirking. 'You know what I really fancy? A scotch egg.'

At this, Terushima laughed out loud. 'Of all the things to crave!'

'Or just a sausage. Something solid, ya know?'

'I promise, as soon as you're allowed, I'll feed you a sausage.' The teenage boy bubbled up in his stomach, and he tried to suppress a childish snort beneath his hand.

Ennoshita had no such luck; with no way to cover his mouth and the last vestiges of mushroom soup still in there, he spat a bit out onto the bed as he surrendered to the chuckling.

'Oh my God, how old are you, twelve?' Terushima asked, still laughing as he used the napkin to wipe up the soup. The two of them carried on giggling as he tidied the bowl and plate onto the tray, and gave his mouth a final wipe.

'Oh man, I needed that. It's been a while since I laughed properly.' He exhaled looking down at his sheets. 'The team were walking on eggshells at the weekend, it just wasn't like it normally is. I kept telling them everything would be fine, but...'

Terushima fought back the urge to question this, focusing on the team instead. 'They're just worried, it'll be different next week. It's like your stomach. They need to get over the shock.'

'I guess.' He looked back up. 'I hate to ask, but can you get me some of that jelly, and a drink of water or something?'

'Hey! You don't need to feel bad asking me, I work here.' As he stood up he pointed at Ennoshita. 'Plus, even if I didn't work here, it wouldn't be a problem. OK? So you can stop bloody feeling bad, and just tell me what you need.'

'Ah, now there's the Yuuji I expected!' He raised his voice in mock aggression. 'Go fetch me my jelly!'

–

The next three visits began to settle into this same pattern; Terushima would arrive as dinner was being served, pick it up from the staff nurse in charge, and take it over to feed to Ennoshita. Then they would chat, or watch anime, or he would read aloud while Ennoshita rested his eyes.

He'd graduated from soup to cottage pie, Terushima spooning small amounts into his mouth, with care not to spill it on the bed sheets. By the fourth week, Ennoshita had eaten all of his main meal as well as an entire dish of rhubarb crumble.

'I think your stomach might be over the shock,' he said, scraping the bowl for the last spoonful of custard and crumbs.

'It's not even particularly good pudding, but it tastes like manna. I've had nothing but jelly and yoghurt since I arrived.'

Feeding him took almost an hour out of his visit, but he made sure to be on time each week so he could do so. There was something peaceful almost, such a small thing to be able to give someone else food, and yet so vital. He chattered through the meals, having no food of his own, Ennoshita smiling at stories about his team.

'...So the shower gel I replaced with mayonnaise has spilled everywhere, Haru is going nuts, trying not to slip over. So then, Kazu came up behind me, and gave me a bacon slice on the arse!'

'Sorry, gave you a what?'

'You don't have bacon slices at your school?' he looked at him with disbelief.

'The meat?'

'No! You slap your hand down on someone's arse, like this.' He demonstrated the movement by slapping against his arm. 'It leaves stripes of red and white, so it's called a bacon slice.'

'I've never heard of that! You might get slapped with a twisted towel now and again, but generally we just have showers and get dressed at Karasuno.'

'How very dull.' He wiped Ennoshita's mouth with a napkin, and screwed it up, asking, 'You want anything else?'

'No thanks.'

'OK, I'll be back in a second, just need the loo.'

He wandered past reception to the toilet, dropping off the tray on the trolley on the way. On the way back again, one of the nurses called, 'Hey!' He turned around, and she beckoned him with a hand.

'Sorry, I don't know your name, I just wanted a quick word.'

'My name's Yuuji. What's up?'

'It's nothing really. I was just wondering if you knew of any hobbies Chikara had. Before. He's brought in his laptop and been watching some films, but eventually we want to try and encourage him to do something more, well, productive. Not straightaway, we're just planning ahead.'

The answer seemed so obvious, he was confused as to why they were even asking him. 'Well, volleyball, obviously.'

She shifted uncomfortably. 'We need something less physical.' Her face was kind as she said, 'It's very unlikely he'll play again, you know.'

'I know. But he still likes it.' He thought for a second. 'Maybe he could go and watch it sometime. When he's up and about.'

'Oh! I never even thought of that. We could arrange transport for him, if someone goes with him. Would that be something you might do? Over the summer perhaps?'

'Absolutely, I'd love that!'

'OK, well don't mention it yet, but we'll look into arranging it, and I'll tell you more when we know. I'm sure we'll see you around.'

He nodded, and walked back to Ennoshita's bed. While he'd been gone, the nurses had turned him over so he was now facing the window with his eyes closed.

'Chikara?' He spoke softly in case he'd nodded off after eating, but his eyes opened immediately. 'Sorry, did I wake you?' He pulled the chair around the bed from the other side, and sat facing him, ensuring Ennoshita could see him properly.

'Nah, the light was just a bit bright. What time is it?'

'It's just gone six. Your parents will be here soon.' He pulled his bag out from inside the cabinet.

'Yuuji, you don't have to leave every time they arrive you know. I see them every day.'

He stopped packing things into the bag, and looked up. 'They're your parents though, they want to spend time with you.'

'All they do for half an hour after you've gone is ask about you anyway, you might as well hang around and talk to them. Tell them yourself.'

'Maybe next time. My Mum's expecting me...'

'Oh. OK.' He stopped speaking, but there was a look in his eye that showed he wasn't finished. 'It's just. You're not coming after today are you?'

'Who says?'

'The exams are next week. All the after-school clubs finish.' He was looking out of the window again, refusing to meet Terushima's eyes.

In all honesty, he'd never even considered he would stop visiting the hospital once extra curricular activities were over. His weekly visit hadn't been anything to do with the Citizenship Club for at least a month. He was surprised that Ennoshita even considered he might be doing it for any reason other than friendship, and that he knew he would appreciate the company while stuck in hospital.

'Chikara, I'll be coming to visit you again after the exams, you nobber. Did you really think I'd stop visiting you cause I'm not in some club any more?'

'Well. Yeah.' He smiled sheepishly.

'You idiot! Am I allowed to slap you?'

'You can give me a bacon slice on the arse. I won't feel it anyway.'

Terushima laughed loudly, causing the man in the next bed to turn around sharply. He apologised, but the other patient just smiled at him. 'Laugh as loud as you want, dude.'

'You have to wait until my parents get here though.'

'Don't I always? Now what do you want to do? We've got time to watch an episode of something. Let me guess...'

'Attack on Titan,' they both said at the same time.

Terushima lowered the U-legged table, set up the laptop on the top of it, and plugged his earbuds into the jack. He then settled on the floor near the bed, so his head was level with Ennoshita's, both level with and facing the laptop. Finally, he gently pressed an ear bud into Ennoshita's uppermost ear, and the other in his own. It was slightly awkward, and not comfortable for long periods, but it was the best way they'd found to both watch something, while not annoying the other patients.

He turned his head to the right. 'Can you see OK?'

Ennoshita's eyes were wet, his bottom lip trembled. Terushima thought he might have turned away to hide his face, if his head hadn't been held still by the metal halo around his head. He thought about turning himself, to give him a moment, but before he could, he spoke.

'I'm just really going to miss you. I know it's not forever. Just. Things get so lonely in here.'

He didn't answer. There was no point in promising he would come, he knew he shouldn't take time away from his exams, and he knew even better that his Mother would never let him. It seemed Ennoshita could tell what he was thinking.

'I don't want you to come either. I'm not selfish. I'm just going to miss you.' he blinked a couple of times. 'Can you wipe my eyes please?'

Terushima pulled a tissue from the box he could just reach on the side table, and wiped it across Ennoshita's closed eyes. He didn't dare press too hard, dabbing gingerly at the corners.

'I feel so stupid,' he said once the tissue was thrown away.

'No need.' He pulled the earbuds from their ears and closed the laptop. Still sitting on the floor, he shuffled around, and propped his chin on the mattress, facing Ennoshita. 'I'll be back in a month, but we can keep in touch. Text me?'

'How am I going to do that?' he spoke softly, as their faces were only a few inches away.

'We'll work something out. Email? Voice recognition software? There must be something.' He turned and grabbed his bag, pulling a scrap of paper and a pen from the front pocket. 'Look, I'll write my number and email address on here. If you work something out, get in touch.' He scribbled the information on it, and put it under the tissue box, before returning to his previous position.

His head was still propped on the bed, talking quietly to Ennoshita, when his parents arrived ten minutes later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a scotch egg is a British snack food. It's a hard boiled egg, which then has sausage meat shaped around it in a ball, and then it's coated in breadcrumbs and deep fried. I have no idea who had the idea to do this, and they can be either amazing (if you get a proper one) or revolting (most of the ones you buy at supermarkets). Ennoshita craves scotch eggs, because that's what Ian craved when in hospital, and once word got around at school, everyone took him scotch eggs, and now he's sick of them. If something like this happens now, we refer to it as 'a scotch egg situation' (for example, in about 2006, everyone kept buying me things which cupcakes on them because I mentioned liking them, and my house was full of cupcake mugs and stuff.)
> 
> The bacon slice thing is something Ian has tried explaining to me over and over when I ask him about being a teenage boy in locker rooms and what they get up to. To this day, I still don't really get it.


	4. Chapter 4

He'd be lying if he said the thought of Ennoshita being alone didn't affect him. He tried to not feel sorry for him, but the fact was he couldn't stop thinking about how he would feel in the same situation. Terushima wasn't usually someone who enjoyed being alone. He craved the company of his friends, especially on the court, their energy recharging him even at his most exhausted; but even he enjoyed time to himself from time to time.

Ennoshita's hobbies seemed to be more solitary, like his writing. Even making films wasn't something which involved interaction, not if you were directing and editing as he was. Then again, being alone when you need time to yourself is one thing, being alone when there's no other choice and nothing to entertain you except your own thoughts was another.

The irony was that anything Ennoshita wanted, he had to ask for it, so his life would always be filled with people, doing things for him. It wouldn't stop him being lonely though.

He shook himself, bringing his attention back to his study notes. There was literally nothing he could do about it right now, and failing his own exams wasn't an option.

He had a university place waiting for him, provided he made the slightly above average grades. His tutors tried to encourage him to go for a more prestigious university, but he knew himself better than they did, and the pressure put on him by both his parents and himself was already enough, without the extra pressure of achieving three high grades.

Did Ennoshita have a place waiting for him? What was he going to do about his A levels?

Groaning, he slapped himself on the cheek, and started reading about muscle structure again.

–

Hinata sent his usual update over the weekend. Daichi had driven over all the second years during a visit home to see his parents. The other third years had reluctantly had to stay at home, partly due to available space in the car, partly because their parents insisted on spending every hour of the weekend studying. Terushima was heartened to hear his own parents weren't the only ones being unreasonably strict.

All through the week, sixth formers gathered together in clutches in the common room, reading from papers, then closing their eyes and mumbling to themselves. When they weren't all desperately trying to cram information into their skulls, they were queueing to get into the main hall, terrifying with its rows of tables and chairs.

The third state of mind was the blissful peace in-between exams, where there was an almost tangible sense of relief before the panic for the next one set in again.

The next week, the update from Hinata had such a different tone, Terushima couldn't stop himself from calling him.

'Oh hi, Yuuji! 'Sup?'

'Hey. Just thought I'd better call and check. Is Chikara OK?'

'Urm... Yeah.' He paused, and Terushima wished he could see his face, Hinata wasn't good at hiding his feelings in person. 'Why?'

'Just sounded like he might not be. You usually say more.' The text had been disconcertingly vague, mentioning only what he'd eaten for lunch and who was there.

'Oh. Well. He wasn't his usual self. But, you know. That's to be expected. Right?'

'Did something happen?'

'I think it just started... what did Daichi say?' There was a pause where he let Hinata think. 'Sinking in, that was it.'

Terushima sighed. He'd been expecting this, but was cursing the timing of Ennoshita's brain to catch up on the truth of what was happening to him.

'Fuck. Were his parents there?'

'They're going over tonight.'

'Is he on his own?' He was already putting his jacket on, his body running on auto pilot.

'The other patients and nurses and stuff are there.'

'OK, thanks. I'll text you later.'

'Don't worry, Yuuji. He has people.'

But he doesn't have friends, was all Terushima could think, and right now, that was what he really needed.

–

He arrived earlier than he usually did, and had to plead with the reception staff to allow him to see him before visiting hours started. It was lucky the spinal unit were generally more lenient than other wards.

As he walked towards his bed, he noticed there was something different about Ennoshita, and when it finally clicked, he was amazed it took him so long to work out what it was.

Ennoshita was lying on his back instead of his side, and the head of the bed was tilted upwards. Some new equipment was attached to the usual metal poles around his head, some kind of hard plastic vest, with large armholes scooping around his chest.

He was watching something on the laptop resting on the table in front of him, but the angle looked like it would be uncomfortable. It also meant he didn't see Terushima walk into the ward until he was right next to the bed.

His eyes went up to him, and just as quickly back to the screen again. 'What are you doing here?'

Instead of answering, Terushima started changing the height of the table, and angling the laptop, before moving and putting his head next to Ennoshita's, squinting at the screen. He made a few more small adjustments until he was satisfied, and then sat on the chair next to the bed.

'That better?'

Getting no response, he just moved the chair so he was facing the screen as well. The screen showed an episode of an anime they'd already watched.

'We've seen this one.'

'I know. I didn't want to watch the next one without you.'

'Thanks.' He opened his bag and pulled out two bottles of juice. 'Apple or orange?'

'I don't care. Why are you here?' he asked again, his voice raising.

'You want me to leave?' He looked over at Ennoshita while unscrewing the bottle of orange juice, then put a straw inside and moved it next to his mouth. 'Want some?'

Ennoshita silently took the straw between his lips, and swallowed some juice. 'Thanks.'

'It's fine.' He put the bottle on the bedside table, and opened his own, making short work of the apple juice. He'd run most of the way to the hospital, only stopping while on the bus, although even then his nervous energy kept his legs bouncing as he sat.

He said nothing else during the episode they were watching, only looking sideways at Ennoshita now and again. He never let his eyes move from the screen, but there was a steely resolve etched all over his face, and Terushima guessed he was forcing himself to stay focused and not break down in someone else's company.

When it was finished, the telltale scent of dinner was already permeating the ward. Terushima fished around in his bag again, pulling out a small gift bag.

'I got you a present.' He closed the laptop, and put the bag on top of the lid.

'I don't know why you bothered wrapping it. I can't open it.'

'Don't you want to know what it is?'

'Whatever it is, I can't take it out the bag.'

Even though he knew the anger wasn't really directed at him, it was hard for Terushima to not take it personally. Giving someone a gift wasn't usually this difficult.

'Want me to open it?'

Ennoshita sighed and snapped out his question for a third time. 'Why are you here?'

'I talked to Hinata, and he said you were having a tough day.'

'Every day's a tough fucking day. And it will be forever. In case you haven't noticed, I'm paralysed.' He looked up at Terushima, his pupils boring into him like bullets.

Terushima said nothing, just holding eye contact with Ennoshita. Finally, he saw the mask crumble away, and tears started brimming in his eyes. Terushima pulled a tissue from the box, and waited a moment before reaching forward and wiping his eyes with it.

As he watched him sobbing, he switched between patting the tears from his eyes and stroking a hand high up on his shoulder where he knew some sensation had remained. His other hand uselessly held Ennoshita's flacid hand, giving comfort only to himself.

Eventually, the crying died down, and Terushima wiped under both eyes with his thumb, before moving his hand between the metal poles, and resting his palm lightly against Ennoshita's head as he'd watched his Mother doing. He smoothed the hair between his fingers, watching relieved when Ennoshita closed his eyes.

'I'm sorry for snapping at you,' he said quietly.

'It's OK.'

'It's not. I'm... really grateful you came.' He opened his eyes again, and sighed. 'They put this thing on me today. And they were so happy about it. Saying I could sit up like this. It'd help me get better quicker, get me in the wheelchair quicker. And all I could hear was wheelchair. Suddenly just. There it was.'

Terushima carried on stroking his hair, and clutched his hand tighter. He thought he knew what was coming, and he couldn't trust himself not to join in crying if he wasn't prepared.

'I'm not going to walk again. Even if I move my arms or something, my legs are done. The break was too high.'

'I don't know what to say. There's nothing _to_ say.' He squeezed his hand even tighter, pressing Ennoshita's fingernails into his own palm to stop the tears. 'You're not alone. We all care about you, we'll all be here to help.'

Ennoshita turned his eyes to look at him. He looked confused, almost like he was listening out for something.

'Yuuji? Are you... holding my hand?'

He dropped it immediately, looking guilty. 'Maybe. Wait. How did you know?'

'I could feel a tugging on my shoulder. It's OK, I don't mind. In fact... can you hold it again? It's kind of nice. Even if I can't feel it much, it's good to know someone's here.'

Terushima's hand was still in his hair, and his other hand crept back towards the limp hand he'd been squeezing. He picked it up again, this time linking his fingers through Ennoshita's. They felt cold, and he responded by pressing his thumb into his palm without even thinking, trying to warm it somehow.

'What's that?'

'Sorry?'

'What are you doing there?'

'I'm... rubbing your palm with my thumb.'

His eyes opened widely, and he looked at Terushima. 'Fuck. I can feel that. Fuck!'

'Really? That's amazing!'

Ennoshita smiled and said, 'Yeah, it really is,' before bursting into tears again.

'But how can you... I thought everything below your shoulders was gone?'

'It's an incomplete injury, they said there might be some random areas of sensation. But... we hadn't really found any yet. Or maybe... this sounds kind of weird, but how hard were you rubbing?' He snorted through his tears, closely followed by Terushima.

'You're so childish,' he laughed, before pressing into his palm again. 'Can you feel that?'

'Not really.'

He tried again, pressing even harder, watching with fascination as the skin creased around his thumb nail. 'This?'

Ennoshita closed his eyes again. 'Yeah. I can feel that.'

'Yeah, I'm pressing pretty hard there. Still! That's something. Right?'

Ennoshita opened his eyes and smiled back at him. 'It really is. Thanks, this was...' He trailed off, eyes going glassy again.

'Hey! Are you ready for your gift now? You know what? I don't care if you're not, I'm opening it.'

'You're supposed to do what _I_ want.' There was a teasing tone to his voice underneath the indignation, and Terushima could sense the tide was turning.

'Close your eyes.' He did as he was asked, so Terushima moved the gift bag in front of his face, holding the contents lightly. 'Now open them.' As he opened his eyes, he pulled the packet out of the gift bag with a flourish. 'Ta da!'

'Scotch eggs!' He looked at Terushima with disbelief. 'You gift-wrapped scotch eggs?'

'Of course! Shall we have them quick, before dinner arrives?'

Ennoshita laughed. 'I'm sure they won't mind.'

'I already cut one into pieces, look.' He held up a crescent of sausage meat, with a sliver of hard boiled egg on it. Ennoshita already had his mouth open ready, so, being careful not to drop breadcrumbs everywhere, or indeed lose the egg, he put it in there.

The lewdest groan escaped from Ennoshita's lips, causing his neighbour in the next bed to turn and look at them again. 'Oh God, it's even better than I imagined.'

'Shut up! It's only a scotch egg!' Seeing the patient next door watching and laughing at them, he quickly dropped the hand he didn't realise he had picked up again.

'You have no idea, mate.' He opened his mouth, waiting for another piece.

'You look like a baby bird.' He went to put another piece in, but took it back and muttered under his breath, 'Please don't make noises this time.'

Ennoshita's mouth opened slightly wider into an 'O' shape, and he licked the breadcrumbs off his top lip. 'I'll try to stay quiet,' he said, winking. 'Now give it to me.'

With that, Terushima tried to put food into Ennoshita's mouth without imagining anything else, and was disgusted in himself to find it was a losing battle.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to stop torturing Enno now
> 
> I decided to sketch how Ennoshita looks sitting up in bed with his halo on - [tumblr link](http://pesky33.tumblr.com/post/161125951343/i-updated-the-spinal-injury-fic-im-writing-its)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Bokuto appears, and I hope I do him justice
> 
> There's a masturbation scene at the start of this chapter, if you want to miss it, ctrl+f to 'there wasn't really anyone'. There's sexual discussion after that, but nothing too graphic. Just a heads-up.

After feeding Ennoshita with his dinner, which he assured him was nowhere near as good as the scotch egg, he apologetically excused himself, citing his upcoming exams as the reason. He was so grateful for the unexpected company and snack that Ennoshita let him go without pleading with him to stay until his parents arrived.

'You've done enough today,' he said, thanking him again as he left.

The actual truth for him leaving so quickly was his teenage body betraying him so completely that he had to duck into the toilets on his way back to the bus stop. Locking himself into the cubicle, he considered that he may have sunk as low as he ever would; desperately trying to rid himself of a raging erection in a fucking _hospital_.

Ideally he would have liked to wait until he got home, but hormones weren't on his side, and the aching was unbearable, as well as not being able to walk properly in order to hide what was occurring in his underpants.

There was only one solution to this problem, and one that needed to be dealt with swiftly, and with as little noise as possible. Terushima unzipped his fly shoving down his briefs slightly, releasing his cock with a spring from the elastic around the top. He shoved the hem of his shirt into his mouth as a gag, pausing before deciding if he was actually horny enough to need to do this.

With the first touch of his hand, his cock twitched, and he knew that, unfortunately, he had no control over his needs. He started stroking himself with one hand, leaning against the door with the other. He was already starting to leak pre-cum, so he rubbed it along his shaft, lubricating himself.

His movements couldn't be as languid as he'd like, just a rough jerking, trying to rid himself of the evidence of his shameful thoughts from earlier. He frantically searched the part of his mind where he stored sexual fantasies for something that wasn't his friend lying in a hospital bed, but in trying to not think about him, it was all he could think of.

His orgasm shuddered through him quickly, his mind deciding at this point to imagine Ennoshita between his legs, looking up at him, the tip of his cock fitting into the 'O' of his lips.

'Fuck!' he cried out, his shirt falling from his mouth. He stood panting for a minute, listening for anyone else coming into the bathroom, before wiping himself down with toilet paper, and zipping himself back into his trousers.

Being a teenager was so inconvenient. Where the fuck had that come from?

–

There wasn't really anyone he could confide in about this, that was the worst thing. Amongst his friends, they'd talked about the need to masturbate regularly since they all went through puberty, sometimes comparing amount of times they'd managed in one day.

Now they were eighteen, and on the verge of leaving school, the inability to control this urge was embarrassing enough, but this situation was beyond any shame he'd already felt.

It wasn't that it was Ennoshita; he wasn't ashamed that he had experience with more than one gender, and during training camps, he'd had 'liaisons' with other team members on multiple occasions. No one from his own county, he didn't want to risk running into anyone again if it could be helped, but he treated every hook-up in the same way, regardless of gender, and saw it only for the random encounter it was.

No, the worst thing about this was that he'd been sexually aroused, in a hospital, by a patient.

How could he ever explain that to anyone? His friends would think he was weird, his Mum would be disgusted, and there was no point in even pretending he would tell his Father.

Searching the internet was no help; all he found were news stories about doctors abusing drugs to assault patients, tawdry porn about nurses with large breasts, or people asking if it was frowned upon to wank while in hospital themselves.

Suddenly, the answer came to him in a flash; there was only one person he knew who would never judge him, no matter what he admitted to. It only took him a while to remember because it had been so long since he'd seen him; their teams didn't play each other due to being in different counties, meaning they only got to meet up if they both happened to be spectators at the same match.

He hoped it was early enough on Saturday night that he wasn't already out, so he opened a Skype window, and was relieved to see Bokuto online. He sent a short message asking if he had time to video chat, and he agreed without question.

The call was answered, and his form came into view, sitting at his desk, wearing a vest, his black and silver hair down, and Akaashi sitting on the bed behind him, reading a book.

'Yuuuuuuuuuji! Hey hey!'

'Hey, am I interrupting anything?' He nodded his head toward Akaashi on the screen.

'Nah, Keiji's just visiting. He can wait.' Terushima saw Akaashi roll his eyes, a slight smirk forming. 'Unless... You need to talk to me alone?'

He was continually surprised by how perceptive Bokuto was, despite how most people seemed to see him as a bit of an airhead. 'Would it be OK? Akaashi? I don't want to interrupt your visit, but...'

Akaashi stood up. 'It's fine, of course. I'll wait in the living room.' As he walked past Bokuto, his fingers trailed across his shoulders, and Bokuto watched him leave. He didn't turn back straight away, and Terushima waited for a moment before calling his name.

'Kou. Kou!' He wolf whistled with his fingers. 'Oi!'

Bokuto eventually turned back with a start. 'Sorry! Got distracted by his arse.' He laced his fingers together, propping his chin on them, and resting his elbows on the desk. 'OK, pal, shoot.'

'Right. Well I don't know how to explain really, so I'm just going to spit it out. Have you ever...' His voice lowered for the rest of the sentence, 'Masturbated in a public toilet?'

'Yes. More than once. Is that it? You could have said that in front of Keiji.'

'No, no. OK, so. You know how I've been visiting Chikara?'

'Oh yes?' He wiggled his eyebrows up and down. 'Well, now it's getting interesting.'

Terushima ignored him and continued. 'So yesterday I'm at the hospital, and we're talking, right? And I gave him some scotch egg...'

'What's that?'

'It's sausage with egg! Let me speak!'

'Sorry! I just didn't know what it was. Carry on.'

'So when I gave it to him, he kind of... groaned. And it sounded. You know. Sexy.' He looked down with embarrassment

'Eh?' Bokuto sat up straighter and looked confused.

'Hasn't Akaashi ever eaten anything, and made a noise like he's enjoying it? And it's like... a sex noise?'

Bokuto thought for a minute, looking above his head. He seemed to remember something, and smiled to himself, before sighing and looking back at Terushima. 'Well, yeah! OK, I know what you mean now.'

'Well. That. It made me think of... stuff. Then, well, I think he was flirting.'

'What did he do?'

'Licked his lips and winked.'

'Sounds pretty flirty to me. Bloody hell, and this was after scotch eggs. I need to get some in. Where do you buy them?'

His voice was quieter as he admitted, 'It gave me a hard-on. So I went and... got rid of it in the toilet.'

'When you gotta go, you gotta go. Nothing wrong with that.'

'I was still in the hospital though. And he's still getting over his accident. Isn't it weird?'

Bokuto sucked in a deep breath before earnestly speaking. 'Well, there are plenty of people who are sexually attracted to disabilities, no shame in that.'

'That's not what I meant! It's not _because_ of his accident, that's just incidental. It was the groan, and the flirting.'

'Oh! Well. Yeah, then that's _totally_ normal. Frankly, any kind of boner is normal, you're a young, virile dude.'

He knew Bokuto was the right person to discuss this with, and was relieved that he reacted exactly as he'd hoped he would.

'So it's totally normal, yeah?'

'Course it is! You can't control when it happens. Don't feel guilty. No one saw you, right? And no one got hurt. It's not dirty or wrong. I mean... you really shouldn't do it somewhere so public, I feel like I should say that as your elder.' He leant in and whispered theatrically. 'But we've all been there.'

'Thank you so much, really. I feel much better about it. I'll let you go and... catch up with Akaashi.'

'Don't worry, we've got a lot of catching up to do. Hey, we're visiting Chikara soon, after the exams. Let's meet up then yeah?'

'Sounds great.' He shouted out, 'See you, Akaashi!'

A replying greeting came from the background. Terushima heard only half of a sentence before he got cut off by Bokuto, but it left him in no doubt as to what kind of catching up they'd be doing.

–

Finally, the exams were over, and with the end of studying, Terushima got the freedom to do whatever he wanted. As more and more weeks went by, what he wanted to do was visit Ennoshita.

Visiting expanded from Tuesday only, to Tuesdays and Thursdays, and within a month it settled at Monday, Wednesday and Friday; it stopped at three days because the ward could only be so lenient about visiting outside of usual hours. Terushima only got away with it because he fed Ennoshita, ensuring he arrived every day in time to do so, doing whatever he could to appease the nurses.

His Mother didn't mind, because he didn't tell her.

The only thing he should be doing during the summer holidays was waiting for his exam results, and enjoying a final summer before university. He suspected that if she knew he was spending so much time at the hospital, she would demand to know more; above everything, he was terrified of his Mother finding out about Ennoshita's broken neck and not allowing him to play volleyball any more.

The wait for his exam results was three months, and in that time a lot changed considering it was only ninety days.

Ennoshita's parents bought a bungalow in the same village he lived in. He told Terushima one Wednesday, excitedly, that he'd been keeping it a secret because he wasn't sure it would happen, but wasn't that cool? Terushima agreed, because he was thinking about when Ennoshita was out of the hospital and he could see him more often.

His recovery continued to go well, and he was sitting up more and more. Eventually, after a total of ten weeks in hospital, he tried a wheelchair for the first time. Terushima didn't see him in it, but he heard about how dizzy he felt being upright after so long horizontal. His face was shining with delight the whole time, and he'd never seen anyone so happy as they said the words, 'And then I projectile vomited everywhere.'

Terushima understood why this was something he was proud of, because now he was eating decent meals, but he wasn't sure if anyone else would have picked up on that. It was at that point he realised they had a secret language of their own, evolved partly from Ennoshita needing similar things again and again, and partly from Terushima not wanting him to have to keep asking for them over and over. Ennoshita raised an eyebrow and he knew he needed a drink, he stretched his nose in a certain way, Terushima scratched it.

One day his breathing changed, and when Terushima couldn't recognise what was happening, he felt panic. After saying it was a problem with his catheter, Ennoshita explained what a catheter is, and even though Terushima knew, he let him carry on, in awe of the trust someone had in him to share something so personal. He explained without embarrassment, because it's just what he needed now he was paralysed.

After the time he cried, he spent the evening being hugged by his parents, saying similar things to them as he said to Terushima. Saying out loud, 'I'll never walk again, will I?' made his Mother cry, but it was necessary. It sounded like he wasn't as angry later in the day, Terushima was glad he had taken out the ire on him and not on his parents. It was after that they started looking for the bungalow, apparently they'd needed to start coming to terms with the truth of the future too.

Somehow this opened a seal on Ennoshita, and he started chatting with other patients more, like he'd finally come to terms with the fact he was one of them. Terushima hadn't really noticed how isolated he'd made himself until he saw Ennoshita talking to the man in the next bed who'd laughed at them; his name was Mark, and he'd had a road traffic accident.

His injury was lower on his spine, but complete, so he had similar mobility problems, but more movement in his arms. His accent was deep, and when he told them it was a motorbike crash, neither of them were surprised; his long hair hung down his back in a pony tail, almost reaching his waist, with tattoos all the way up his arms. He'd already been in three months when Ennoshita arrived, and by July he was getting out of bed every morning and using an electric wheelchair with a joystick.

'You'll be able to use one of these, I reckon,' he said to Ennoshita one day. Terushima expected him to disagree, but to his surprise he said, 'Yeah, if I get wrist splints, I probably could.'

If July brought hope, August brought frustration. Sitting up was still difficult, the dizziness not abating long enough to allow him to stay up longer than an hour, and always just before lunch. Ennoshita complained to Terushima, stating he wanted the short time he sat up to coincide with visits, and the thought of seeing him sitting up made something thrive in his stomach.

Of course the sprout that was blooming was meant to have been pruned back to nothing, but it was too hardy.

He hadn't thought about the elicit toilet wank since talking to Bokuto, or at least he tried not to. He stopped feeling guilty about it immediately, but every now and again, when he was thinking of pleasant images to get himself off, Ennoshita licking his lips would crop up.

Worse than that, other images popped up at other times. Faces close to each other as they watched films, leaning next to him on the bed to share the headphones, seeing his fingers intertwined with Ennoshita's, like a marble statue. He didn't know when he first recognised the expression for when Ennoshita wanted him to hold his hand, but after a while he knew the small twitch as well as if it was coming from his own arm.

'I thought I might get back more feeling, but the therapist says this might be all I ever get.' He didn't sound upset, or disappointed, he sounded as if he didn't expect even this much, and it watered the vines growing out of control in Terushima's chest.

The day he arrived and saw an empty bed, the drop in his stomach unnerved him. Is he OK? Where is he? Please let him be OK...

And then he was there, next to Mark, both sitting in wheelchairs by the window. He only recognised him from the back because Mark grinned and nudged him as soon as Terushima walked in, and really who else would he nudge like that upon seeing Terushima?

His heart was thumping as he walked towards them, moving so fast he was almost running, and eventually he faced him, and it was Ennoshita, upright, moist eyes from laughing or maybe crying. He stopped dead, and no amount of pressing fingernails into his palms could stop him that time, and he cried the tears he'd hidden from Ennoshita for weeks.

He opened his arms, pausing, wondering if he was allowed to do this; for so many reasons, is this allowed?

But then Ennoshita twitched in the same way he did when he wanted to hold his hand, giving him permission.

He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, so gently, he's convinced no one else has ever been as gentle with another human being in history. He desperately didn't want to hurt him, or make his injury worse.

'Yuuji, I'm not made of glass,' made him snort a laugh into his neck. He closed his eyes, holding him a little tighter; he smelled like the hospital, and felt like a Karasuno action figure, but it was the first time he'd hugged him, and he made it a point to remember every detail.

He pulled back after probably too long for platonic friends, and Mark had already gone, the chair usually by his bed in his place. Ennoshita still couldn't turn his head, and there were straps around his legs and chest holding him in place, but his arms rested on the side of the chair, hands in his lap.

Terushima pulled the chair as close to him as he could, their knees touching, and even though he was the only one who felt it, he knew he wasn't the only one who appreciated it.

He took Ennoshita's hand, and they sat like that, looking out of the window, their backs to the rest of the ward, talking about nothing, until he was too dizzy (they were both too dizzy...) and Terushima had to call a nurse to put him back in bed.

Later after food, while they waited for his parents, they watched YouTube videos on his iPad, a gift from them because it was more convenient than the laptop. They shared the headphones again, as always, but this time it felt different.

A second seal had been broken, and the way he'd been looking at Ennoshita started to be mirrored back to him in the way Ennoshita looked back. Mark noticed it; he got a nurse to pull the curtains around the side of his bed to give them privacy. Terushima felt bad, but Ennoshita reassured him.

'He's not angry, he's just giving us space,' and these words caused such a growth spurt for the feelings filling his chest cavity that his breath hitched with the effort of breathing through it.

Ennoshita's parents arrived, and he forced himself to leave. He looked back from the door, and when he saw Ennoshita watching him leave, a burning crept up the back of his neck.

-

Ninety days is a long time to ignore something, and when the results come out, and he's passed everything, his disappointment confuses him.

And then he realises, it's because he doesn't want to leave him, and his Mother finding out about his broken neck is no longer the most terrifying thing about his friendship with Ennoshita.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh-oh...
> 
> -
> 
> My husband and I have become a tiny bit closer while I've been writing this, which I didn't think was possible to be honest. I asked him about masturbating as a teenage boy, and was surprised by how often they have to wank in public toilets. Although, you know, that could just have been him and his friends. I told him the plot of this chapter, and he accused me of being fantastical, so obviously I had to tell him that it was based on a real thing that happened to me, although I wasn't in a hospital, it was a petrol station on the way home after seeing Ian before we were going out. Then he told me to stop talking about masturbating...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this is set in England, and they're all over 18, any drinking alcohol is legal.

It had been a few weeks since he'd managed to see Bobata and Futamata. The two of them were working over the summer full time in the same factory, packing food. It was hard work, with lots of heavy lifting, and the both of them were usually too tired to do much other than sleep all weekend.

However, they'd all agreed they had to make an exception on the Saturday after their results came out. Bobata and Futamata had both achieved the grades they needed for university; the former studying in Coventry, while the latter had been accepted on the Art Foundation course at Leeds College of Art. There was a melancholy about the three of them preparing to be so far away from each other, after seven years at high school living in each other's pockets, but his two friends seemed to be looking forward to the next episodes of their lives.

'I got the information through about my halls of residence,' Bobata told them. 'I'm on the same floor as a load of other people from engineering. It's going to be the best party floor on campus!' He finished the last half of his pint in one draft. 'I have my reputation as the party prince to uphold, right?'

'Hey! Who said you were the prince?' Futamata slapped him on the back. 'Didn't we decide that was me? And you were the duke or something?'

'Who cares? One of us is bound to take over as the king now Yuuji isn't partying any more.'

'What do you mean?' Terushima said defensively, 'I'm still up for partying!'

'Yeah, but doing it at home is gonna be totally different to playing with the big boys at university. Living away from our parents? It'll be ridiculous. Aw man! I feel a bit sorry for you.'

Bobata nudged Futamata and joined in. 'Not to mention all the hook-ups, right? People who all like the same stuff, all in one place, all looking for fun? I can't fucking wait.'

Terushima smiled to himself. He'd told them both he was planning to defer his place studying Sports Science at Essex university, and now they seemed to be intent on making him regret his decision, by talking about what he was missing out; then again, they didn't know what he would be missing if he went in the first place.

'How's Ennoshita these days?' Bobata asked, as if reading his mind. 'You still volunteering up there?'

'I'm still visiting, yeah. He's doing OK. He still has the halo on, but he's sitting up now.' As they both looked confused, he explained a bit about his treatment and the improvements in his condition.

Futamata opened a bag of crisps, ripping down the side to spread it open and putting it in the centre of the table so everyone could share it. 'You seem to know a lot about this.'

'Well, yeah, I've been visiting him for weeks, you pick stuff up, don't you?'

'So, how bad is it?' Bobata asked. 'Like what is he?'

'He's Chikara. But he's a quadriplegic as well.' The two of them looked at him, both with the same expression. 'What?'

'Chikara, eh?' Bobata's smile widened.

'You _like_ him,' Futamata drunkenly sidled next to him along the sofa, 'Don't you?'

Was there any point in denying it? He was already three sheets to the wind, and his defences were lowered. He suspected if he could see his own face, he would have the goofy smile of someone besotted with the subject of the conversation.

'Yes, alright. I like him. Satisfied?'

Bobata clapped his hands together with glee, and Futamata pointed at him laughing. 'I knew it! That's why you're not going to uni isn't it?'

'We've just been messing with you, trying to get you to admit it,' Bobata said, putting a handful of crisps in his mouth, and then talking through them, 'You're so transparent.'

Futamata nodded. 'Why else would you defer? And who else do you spend any time with?'

'It's always dark hair, with you, isn't it?' A spray of crumbs shot out of his mouth when he asked, 'You done it yet?'

He wiped the crumbs off his face with irritation. 'For fuck's sake! No. It's not that easy.'

'You done anything?'

Futamata joined in. 'Hang on. Have you even bloody  _told_ him yet?'

'Not exactly.'

'That's a no then. What are you waiting for?'

'It's a big thing, isn't it? I wanted to be sure about it before I told him.'

'Why though? Why are you making it into a big deal? You like him, right?'

Terushima nodded. 'Yeah, I really do.'

'Better fucking tell him then,' said Bobata in a raised voice, 'Another pint?' He drained his glass, and went to the bar to order three more.

Was it really that simple? He certainly made a compelling case, Ennoshita would never know how he felt unless he confessed outright.

What was the worst that could happen? He didn't return his feelings? He might be heartbroken for a while, but he'd get over it. He might never see him again, if things were too awkward, but wouldn't telling the truth be worth that chance? He couldn't carry on just pining forever, his feelings were way too strong for that.

'Haru?' Futamata turned to him. 'I'm gonna do it. I'll fucking tell him!'

'Cool. Let us know how you get on then.' He took his next drink from Bobata who was back at the table, balancing three pint glasses and six shots on a tray. 'Now let's talk about all the partying we're going to do while you stay here being all lovey-dovey with Chikara.'

The three of them all took their shot glasses at the same time, slamming them together before tipping them down their throats.

The hangover lasted well into Monday.

–

Ennoshita eyed him with concern as he chewed on his fish pie. 'You're quiet today. Everything OK?'

'Yeah, sorry, went out with Kazu and Haru. Overdid it a bit.'

'Where'd you go?'

'Just into town celebrating the exam results. But then Kazu bought us all shots, and the night went downhill from there.'

'I've not had a drink in ages.' He sighed, and took the next spoonful.

'Couldn't help but overhear,' Mark said from the next bed, 'But we could go to the pub down the road on Saturday, if you want? I can book the minibus, ask Elaine.'

'Could we do that?' he excitedly asked Ennoshita. 'Are you allowed to go out?'

He carried on chewing, and swallowed his food slowly. 'The physio said I could, in theory, now I can sit up.'

'Well, let's go then! This is brilliant!'

'I'll go and book it now, while we remember,' said Mark, making his way to the nurse's desk.

'Thanks!' Terushima called after him, before turning his attention back to Ennoshita. 'You didn't tell me you could leave! This is such good news, I can't wait!'

Ennoshita opened his mouth waiting for more food, so he put another spoon in; it was his turn to go quiet, and he looked thoughtful as he chewed and swallowed.

'Everything OK?'

'Yeah. Just nervous I guess.'

'You worried about going outside?' Ennoshita nodded as he put his food in. 'Yeah, I get it. It's a big deal. You've been in here a long time. But they wouldn't let you go if you weren't strong enough.'

'I know you're right, of course. It's still going to be weird.'

'I'll be with you, I won't let anything happen to you.' He looked at him earnestly, placing a hand on his shoulder. 'You know that, right?'

He looked at the hand resting gently on him, and quickly turned his eyes away. 'It's not just that, though. It's stupid.'

'If it's bothering you, it's not stupid.'

He said something so quietly that Terushima didn't understand anything except the 'me' at the end.

'Sorry?'

He flicked his eyes back at him and raised his voice. 'People are going to stare at me! OK? I don't want to be stared at!'

'Well, yeah, they might look for longer than they normally would. But it's only because it's unusual to see someone in a wheelchair, and there'll be two of you. Once they get over the sight, they'll soon go back to only worrying about themselves like everyone else does.'

'What about the halo? And having beer through a straw, for fuck's sake?'

'We can find a quiet corner. People stare at breastfeeding, who cares! What are you going to do, stay inside for the rest of your life?'

'Oh fuck off, you don't understand.' He looked down again, sulking.

'I'm not going to pretend this is anywhere near the same, but I'm going to tell you a story. I've never told anyone this. So, when I was about nine, my Mum sent me to the bathroom to have a bath. She actually said, Go scrub all that dirt off your face. So I got in the bath, and I was looking for something to wash my face with.'

He paused, and held a spoon of food near Ennoshita's mouth; he opened up to eat it without looking at him.

'I found a face cloth, but she'd said scrub, so I thought she meant something else. Then I found a loofah, you know, those really hard sponges?'

'I know what a loofah is,' he said, taking another spoonful.

'It was like, a long thin tube. So I held it like this.' He held his hands either side of his mouth, as if he was eating a corn on the cob. 'And I scrubbed it backwards and forwards across my mouth, like this.' He moved his hands swiftly from side to side. 'It stung a bit, and I thought, Well, this will be good enough, my skin is all tingly so it's probably clean.'

Ennoshita had started smiling, and was back to looking at him again. 'And?'

'My Mum came in and went, Oh no, what have you done to yourself? So I got out the bath, and looked in the mirror, and there were these massive red welts in the skin on my face, coming down here.' He pointed to the corners of his mouth, and traced them down the sides of his chin. 'It was bleeding a bit, and really gross. I was crying, and blaming her. You said to scrub it, I was shouting.'

'You twat.'

'I know. So next day, I didn't want to go to school, cause it was all scabbed over. I looked like a ventriloquist dummy or something. But of course, she made me go. I wanted to use foundation, but it was looking like it might get infected, and she only let me put some antiseptic on. At school, everyone  _did_ stare of course, cause who wouldn't stare at the kid with the huge scabs down their face. But then someone noticed they were like big teeth, and I got called fucking  _Fangs_ all day, it was so cool. We played vampires and werewolves in the playground. I was so excited to go back the next day, and play again, but by then it was old news, no one cared about my fangs any more.'

He leaned towards Ennoshita, tracing the lines down his chin. 'It's still a slightly different colour here, look, where it healed. If you look closely enough, you can just see it's slightly darker, in two crescents.'

In getting near enough to show him, he hadn't thought about how close he would be to Ennoshita's face; he could feel his breath, warm against his cheek, as he stared at his mouth trying to see the scars.

His eyes went back to Terushima's, and he gulped before saying, 'I can't really see them.'

'They're probably quite faded now.' He didn't move back, and couldn't stop looking at the way Ennoshita's eyes moved between his lips and his eyes.

How he wanted to close the small gap, and press their lips together.

Instead, he backed off, and finished his story. 'Anyway, my point was, people stared, but that's just what people are like. They forget almost immediately. People in the pub will see you, and they'll stare, but as soon as they can't see you any more, they'll forget you exist. But your friends won't, and they'll only remember the good bits. I keep in touch with someone from Junior School, and he still calls me Fangs.'

Ennoshita was still staring at him, and he couldn't decide if anything he'd said was helpful at all. Maybe he should have been more encouraging, or told him people wouldn't stare? Sometimes he was just too honest for his own good, wasn't his Mum always telling him that?

Slowly, surely, the corners of his mouth pulled upwards, and he shook his head.

'I don't know how or why, but that helped. It shouldn't have. It wasn't reassuring in anyway. And a scabby face is nothing like a broken neck.'

'Sorry. I'm not good at this.'

'I think you're a lot better than you realise.' He sighed. 'I'll do it. I'll go out on Saturday.'

'Excellent. I'll talk to Mark before I leave.'

He shook his head again, still laughing under his breath. 'You're such a loser. I can't believe you scrubbed your face with a loofah.'

'That's one of the less stupid things I did as a child. Just wait until you hear the other stories.'

'I can't wait,' he was still smiling as he said it, and Terushima hoped he wasn't misreading the obvious affection he could see in his eyes.

–

Before he left, Terushima found Mark, and asked if other people could come, explaining about their friends who wanted to visit. Mark agreed, and told him to leave everything to him, so Terushima went home and opened up Skype.

If people were going to stare at their group for any reason, it was going to be because of Bokuto Koutarou, with his ridiculous hair, loud voice, and uncontrolled PDAs, and not because of Ennoshita's wheelchair.

 


	7. Chapter 7

'What do you mean?'

He repeated himself in the same monotone. 'I want to defer my university place.'

'But why?'

'I want to do something else for a year. Volunteering.' He spoke while he did his hair in the mirror above the fireplace, hoping it made him seem blasé about the whole thing.

'That doesn't really explain why.' His Mother crossed her arms and stared at him.

'It'll look good on my C.V.'

He'd discovered the secret code words, and she softened. 'Don't you think you've done enough volunteering?'

'Mum, come on! People always need volunteers! I can help people, and still do my degree later. It's a win win.' He teased the tufts of hair over his forehead into the position he preferred, and checked his teeth.

'It's not a yes, but it's not a no. We'll have to talk to your Father.'

Just then, a car horn sounded, and he jumped up.

'That's Koutarou, I have to go.'

'Hang on. Where are you going?'

'Out with friends to celebrate results. Akaashi's just got his A levels too. It's just a quick drink with friends. Bokuto is driving us all.'

'He's not going to drink is he?' She twitched the curtains, trying to see them in the car.

'Bokuto doesn't drink.' She looked skeptical. 'No, honestly! He's on medication.'

'I'm coming to meet him.'

Terushima rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure what impression Bokuto would give his Mum, and hoped he would be less, well, 'Bokuto' when meeting her.

Thankfully, they were facing the right way on the road, and Akaashi's window was closest to the pavement outside their house.

'Good afternoon, Terushima-Sama.'

'Oh please, there's no need for honorifics. Akaashi was it?'

Akaashi nodded.

'That would make you Bokuto, then?' She leaned forward and took in his appearance. Terushima was surprised to see a beanie hat covering his hair, and a checked shirt, making him at least look 'normal'.

'That's me. Nice to meet you, Mrs Terushima. I'll have him home before his curfew, when is it?'

Terushima's mouth fell open, and he heard his Mum say, 'Midnight is fine, thank you.'

He looked at his Mother, as if to say, 'See?' before opening the back door and jumping in.

'Bye!' He tapped Bokuto's shoulder, encouraging him to drive off before they ruined her impressions of him.

'What was that?' he spat out as soon as they turned the corner.

'Not my first time meeting a Mother, little pal. I charmed this one's parents, didn't I?' He pointed his thumb at Akaashi next to him.

'I'm not sure they realise we're dating, to be honest.'

'Well, maybe not. But they let you come and visit, so it's the same really.'

Akaashi merely shrugged, and turned in his seat to speak directly to Terushima. 'What time is visiting?'

'Oh, we can go any time. They know me there.'

Akaashi raised an eyebrow but stayed quiet.

'Plus we're not staying. You can leave your car at the hospital, and then we're all going in the mini bus.'

'This is so exciting! He's gonna lose his mind when he sees us,' Bokuto was grinning from ear to ear.

'They know we're coming though?' Akaashi sounded worried.

'Oh yeah don't worry. There's another bloke from the ward coming, he's bringing his girlfriend too.' He quickly added, 'As in, he's bringing someone as well.'

Akaashi's eyebrow raised again, and Terushima was starting to get irritated by the habit, no doubt because he knew what was meant by it, and wasn't ready to deal with it.

They arrived and parked up, and Terushima asked them both to wait outside the ward. He was very aware of the liberties he regularly took, and had chosen this moment to take in a bouquet of flowers and a box of biscuits, picked up by Akaashi before they collected him so as not to make his Mother suspicious.

As usual, they told him it wasn't a problem, they appreciated the extra hands, but he still made them accept the offering.

Mark was sitting by his bed, but the curtains were still pulled around Ennoshita's.

'He's just getting up. He left it to the last minute so he could stay out as long as possible.' He gestured with a hand towards a small woman sitting in the chair next to him. 'This is Elaine.'

She had the kindest smile he'd ever seen in his life, and hugged him like an old family friend. She wore a sleeveless summer dress, patterned with thorny roses, blonde bouncy hair to her shoulders, and flat red pumps. As she stood next to Mark, telling Terushima it was nice to finally meet him, she was only a couple of inches taller than Mark's sitting height.

'He's told me so much about you. We never cross paths, he says you come before visiting hours usually. How'd you swing that?' There was no bite in her words, and Mark just nudged her softly.

'He's actually a useful boyfriend, not just after his body, like you are with me.'

Before he had time to answer or register what was said, the curtains were pulled back, and Ennoshita was apologising for making him wait. He still had the plastic vest and metal halo on, with a loose blue shirt over the top, and had swapped his usual sweat pants for jeans.

'You look good.'

'Upright is always a bonus.' He smiled and took in Terushima's outfit. 'Nice shirt.'

'Thanks.' He rubbed the back of his neck to try and cover the blush. He'd wanted to look like he'd made a bit of an effort, but not too much, and had chosen a mottled green silk shirt from his collection. Now he was standing with them all, he felt overdressed, and fastened another button.

'Are we all ready?' Mark asked. 'We've got David driving the minibus, and he's going to be on call if either of us need him.' Elaine handed a small black box to Terushima, holding up her hand to show she also had one. 'If Chikara needs something and you can't do it, just page him by pressing the button, and he'll come to the pub immediately.'

The relief of back-up washed over him and he hadn't realised how much organising was needed just to go and drink a pint of beer.

'Are you OK pushing me outside? Or shall we call David?' Ennoshita asked.

'No, I can do it.' There was a larger height difference between them than between Elaine and Mark, but he was strong from playing sports, and more importantly, he really wanted to do it. 'You'll tell me if I do it wrong, though, right?'

'It's pushing a chair, there's not much to get wrong, Yuuji.'

He took his place behind Ennoshita, and after a false start where he failed to take off the brakes, causing raucous laughter from the other three, he pushed him out into the corridor, straight into Bokuto bouncing around on the balls of his feet by the door.

'Keiji! Bokuto! What... Where did you come from?'

'Hey hey! We're your surprise! Are you astonished?' Bokuto was held back from grabbing him by Akaashi pulling on his jacket.

'That's an understatement!'

There was a flurry of introductions, a few tense hugs, and then Mark was telling them to get a move on because the minibus was due back in three hours. As everyone got strapped in, Terushima could see why they needed three hours just for a quick drink. It took thirty minutes to get from the ward to the pub, even though it would have been a five minute walk. He asked why they didn't walk, and Ennoshita explained that the walk would involve a slope, and he couldn't risk more bumping than was necessary, even with the halo on.

'I don't really see how the minibus is better for that.'

Ennoshita twitched his shoulder and made a face, something he'd come to recognize as a shrug, so he just smiled and let him talk to Akaashi.

It was the first time he'd seen them together, and their easy going back and forth banter was wonderful to see. It was teasing, and they'd clearly known each other for a long time, with plenty of little in-jokes that caused Bokuto and Terushima to just look at each other and shrug. It was a side of Ennoshita he hadn't seen yet, and he wanted to see more; not take Akaashi's place, but maybe reach a level of closeness like this.

Bokuto bought the first round, pints for everyone, although his own was lemonade. There was a straw in Ennoshita's, but Mark could drink his own without assistance. Terushima looked over, and Ennoshita was watching Mark like a hawk, obviously trying to memorize something about the movements which might help him in the next few months.

That would have to wait though; for now, Terushima held the glass to his chest, and guided the straw into his mouth. He took a few gulps, before Mark spoke up.

'I don't wanna sound like your Dad, but just watch how quick you drink. You're not eating as much, and you'll probably get drunk much quicker than you used to cause you're dizzy from sitting up.' He nodded at Terushima. 'Keep an eye on him.'

'Of course.'

It was good watching Ennoshita relaxing and catching up with old friends, and getting to know new ones. As he made his way down the pint, he got more animated, and had a charmingly loud laugh when Akaashi told a dirty joke. He wasn't surprised by Ennoshita's childish sense of humour any more, but he'd been amazed to see Akaashi shared it.

He liked watching him smiling and joking with someone else, but he relished the moments when he got to give him a drink, so the smile was directed back towards him. He thought it could be his imagination, but there was something different about those smiles, something just for him.

After hearing all the news from other teams, it was time for another drink, this time Elaine's treat.

'My turn next time!' Ennoshita called out after her.

Mark looked at his watch. 'We might not get another after this, mate.'

'Oh.' He looked crestfallen, but Bokuto loudly told him three times that they were going to hang around at the hospital until they were kicked out.

Once Elaine was back, they started discussing Bokuto's volleyball team and the kind of things they got up to at university, which seemed to involve a lot of dares.

Terushima started to feel happily merry, and was giggling at Bokuto, when he heard a small voice at his side.

'Yuuji? I don't feel good.'

He turned and Ennoshita was looking a little green around the gills. 'You want to go?'

'Can you just take me outside for a minute? Fresh air.'

'We'll finish these quickly and meet you by the van, OK?' Bokuto was already swallowing down his drink, nudging Akaashi to do the same.

Mark was looking at them with concern, but told the other two not to worry.

'We'll see how he feels in a minute or two,' Terushima joined in reassuring them. He knew Ennoshita wouldn't want to be the reason they had to leave early.

Remembering the brakes this time, he negotiated the ramp out of the door, being careful not to bump the chair.

'I'm really dizzy,' Ennoshita said closing his eyes. 'Can you lean me back.'

'Is that OK?'

'It's what they do in therapy. It's fine.'

'Dude, I'm not a professional.'

Ennoshita's voice was somewhere between annoyed and nauseated. 'I keep telling you it's fine, just lean me against your chest.'

He backed them against a wall, bracing his heels and hips against it, before tipping Ennoshita carefully backwards until the back of his head was resting against his chest. The metal of the halo was digging into him, but he was more concerned about hurting Ennoshita than himself.

His eyes were still closed; Terushima's arms were shaking from the force needed to hold him in place on the back wheels, foot plates in the air, but he held steadfast.

He looked down at him, resting against him, and from somewhere deep in his stomach, the desire to kiss him erupted again, this time unbearably urgent.

He shifted slightly, wondering if it would be possible to reach his lips from this angle, if it was a good idea with his injury, if David could see them from the minibus.

At no point did he wonder if he should kiss him or not with anything other than practical concerns.

He wanted to kiss him, and that was it. He was _going_ to kiss him, he just needed to decide if it would be now or later.

'Chika?' he whispered against his forehead.

Ennoshita opened his eyes, and looked up at him. He blinked but didn't look away.

Terushima lifted one corner of his mouth, attempting a smile, but he wasn't sure he managed to hide the yearning.

He made a decision, and pressed his lips against Ennoshita's forehead; he looked back at him from his upside down position, a mixture of confusion and resignation written on his face.

'Yuuji...' His thought hung unfinished, trailing off in a loud exhale.

'Yeah,' he replied with his own sigh.

–

Back at the hospital and back in his bed, Ennoshita was feeling a lot better, at least as far as his dizziness went. Terushima had no idea how he thought about anything to do with what had happened outside the pub, because they were interrupted before they could discuss it by everyone joining them. After that, there was always someone else there, or Ennoshita was being sorted out by nurses, until eventually Bokuto said they had to leave before his parking ticket ran out.

He tried to get a moment with him before they left, but luck wasn't on his side, and his parents turned up as he was being pulled out of the door by Akaashi.

Bokuto ran off to make sure they didn't get a fine, leaving the other two lagging behind. Akaashi cleared his throat, and slowed down, so Terushima fell into step beside him.

'So, can I talk to you about something while we're alone?'

'Urm, yeah. OK. What is it?'

'Do you think you could explain why earlier, when we wanted to come outside and make sure that Chikara was alright, Mark asked us both to give him a minute alone with his boyfriend?'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but I love cliffhangers
> 
> [Here's some lovely artwork for this chapter](http://pesky33.tumblr.com/post/162363295923/artwork-from-deathbympreg-for-the-scene-from)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Posted early as Ennoaka weekend coming up on 30/6 and I have some stuff to post for then. Chapter 9 will be updated between now and 7th July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole (short) chapter is basically a heated discussion between Akaashi and Terushima, so if reading arguments triggers you, just be aware of that.

He felt a trickle of anxiety running down his throat, and gulped to try and get rid of it. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it hadn't been that. He remembered earlier, when Mark had referred to him in the same way, but he hadn't paid enough attention and corrected him.

'Oh, he's misunderstood, that's all,' he said, his voice attempting a lightness he didn't feel.

'Bullshit.'

'Sorry?'

'I said, that's bullshit. He said you hold hands when you visit, and lie on his bed.'

'That's just not true! Well. We do hold hands. But I don't lie on the bed! I just rest my head on his pillow...'

He stopped walking, and pointed at Terushima, his eyes dark. 'Listen to me. If you're messing around with Chikara, it will not end well for you.'

'But I...'

'Don't think I don't know about what happened with Kiyoko, because word gets around. We have practice camps with Karasuno. Your reputation precedes you.'

'I was sixteen! I was an idiot. She accepted my apology when I saw them again.'

By this point Akaashi wasn't listening, his anger had finally erupted after bubbling under the surface all day. 'I was suspicious when I heard you'd been visiting him, couldn't work out what you wanted. If you're trying to take advantage of him for the insurance money...'

He held his arms out in front of him, and backed away as Akaashi advanced on him with a pointed finger. 'Woah! I have no fucking idea what you're talking about! You've got the wrong idea. Completely. I don't even know about any money!'

Akaashi continued to assess him through narrowed eyes. 'I believe you on that. But you'd still better not be messing with him.'

'You've got totally...It's not...Fuck.' He looked around for a bench or wall or something, anything solid, but finding nothing, slumped down onto the pavement curb. He put his head in his hands, and started to cry.

At that moment, Akaashi's phone rang. Terushima could hear him telling someone on the other end that they were just talking and to give them a minute, and guessed it was Bokuto ringing to see where they'd got to.

'Bokuto didn't tell you then,' he asked, once the call was finished, 'What I asked for his advice about?'

'No. I asked him, but he wouldn't betray the confidence.' He squatted next to Terushima. 'I can see something is wrong, but I feel obligated to tell you that I'm even more protective of Kou than I am of Chikara, and if you've got him involved somehow, I am definitely going to break your leg.'

'You really think I'm an arsehole don't you? Have you even talked to Chikara since the accident? Properly I mean?'

'Do not question my friendship...'

'I'm not! I don't mean to sound like I'm having a go. I know it's hard to get over here, or to contact him.'

'I ring his parents every week for updates.'

'Oh. Well, I didn't know that. Anyway, I said, I'm not having a go at you. I'm just explaining myself. Not very well, granted.'

'Perhaps if I let you speak it would be easier.' His mouth curled imperceptibly.

'I'm a hospital volunteer. Well, I was until school finished. I was here when he was admitted. So I just started visiting him. He was so lonely, away from home, hurting. He needed someone, and I was here.' He watched his hand move through the dust on the road, tracing random patterns as he spoke.

'Continue.'

'So then the more I visited, the more we got on. And then I just enjoyed visiting him. He's...great.'

'Yes he is. So, what advice did you ask from Koutarou?'

He drew his knees up to this chest, and wrapped his arms around them. 'I'd rather not say. But I wanted some help because I thought Chikara might be... flirting with me.'

'And what did you decide?'

'I don't know! Maybe?' He rested his cheek on his knee, and looked up at him. 'Would he?'

'Hmm. It's certainly possible.' He tapped a finger on his chin. 'What did he do?'

'He made a terrible joke, winked and licked his lips.'

'Yeah, sounds about right.' Akaashi snorted. 'He was always terrible at flirting when we were together.'

'Eh?' He sat up straight again. 'You and Chikara? Kept that one quiet.'

'I could say the same for you and Koutarou.'

'Touché.'

Akaashi finally stood up, stretching his legs out by pushing on his thighs, and then put his hand out towards Terushima, pulling him to his feet.

'I'm going to ask you something. Please don't lie.' He put a hand on his shoulder, and looked him straight in the eye. 'Do you have feelings for Chikara?'

There was no hesitation. 'Yes. No doubt. I mean, I wasn't sure until tonight. But now I am.' He looked at the floor where the patterns remained in the dust. 'I wanted to kiss him. So much. I just... I think about him all the time. I'm deferring university for a year, because I can't decide what to do.'

Akaashi sighed. 'Well I have news for you. I think he might feel the same. I noticed things today. It's why I flew off the handle. He seems to really like you, and I couldn't be sure what your intentions were. I'm sorry. I'm very loyal.'

'You're fucking terrifying...'

'Look at it this way. If you date Chikara, I'll be on _your_ side.' He wiggled his eyebrows, in such an obvious habit picked up from Bokuto, that Terushima couldn't help but laugh.

It petered out, and he looked pained again. 'Urgh, what am I going to _do_?'

'Stop being so melodramatic for a start. Tell him how you feel, see what he says.'

'Yeah, that's exactly what my other friends said.'

'What else is there to do?'

'Well, I've been enjoying hopelessly pining for three months, I could just carry on with that?'

Akaashi smirked. 'How's that working out for you?'

'Not well. I'm pretty miserable.'

'Come on,' he said, putting an arm around Terushima's shoulder and pulling him along towards the car park. 'Let's get Bokuto to take you home, get some sleep, decide what to do tomorrow.'

'Thanks, Akaashi.'

He smiled at him, a real one, not a smirk or a shit-eating grin. 'I think you can call me Keiji now.'

–

He arrived back home well before his curfew. Akaashi took his phone, and programmed his number in, telling him to text or call if he needed anything.

Bokuto got out of the car, and pulled him into a bear hug. He almost cried there on the driveway it felt so good, and Terushima was unbelievably jealous of Akaashi for the two full minutes he was holding him.

His Mum was still up when he walked through the door, washing up at the sink. He leaned over her back to give her a peck on the cheek.

'Did you have a nice evening?' she said without turning around.

'Yes, thanks!' He started to take off his shoes and jacket. 'See? I told you Bokuto was a nice bloke.'

At this she turned, and Terushima could see immediately from her face that he was in some kind of trouble.

'And how is Chikara Ennoshita doing?'

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I told you I love cliffhangers.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you usually read on Fridays, then make sure you've read chapter 8 which was posted midweek
> 
> Next update will be 7th July - next Friday, I'll be posting 3 new works for Ennoaka weekend instead of updating this fic, including one set in this AU outlining how Ennoshita and Akaashi became friends.

'I had a very interesting phone call this evening. Someone called Toshi Ennoshita was trying to speak to you. She expected you to be at home, because she knows Saturdays isn't one of your usual visiting days.'

Terushima sat down at the kitchen table, defeated. Even though she looked calm, he could tell from her voice that she was angry, so it was best to let her get it out of her system.

'It was extremely embarrassing to not know what she was talking about. Especially when she had such high praise for you. Told me what a special person you are, taking so much time out of your own life to help Chikara.' She crossed her arms. 'I felt like a fool.'

'I'm sorry...'

'I'm not done.' He stopped speaking immediately. 'Why on earth didn't you tell me that's where you were? That's what I don't understand. Visiting someone in hospital is... it's not a bad thing at all. Especially when you hardly know him. This is the boy from the volleyball team?'

Terushima nodded, but didn't speak.

'So he's been in for months. You've been going all this time?'

He nodded again, hanging his head lower, eyes prickling. She came and sat down opposite him at the table, and her voice started to soften.

'I'm not mad, you know. I just don't understand.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Stop apologising, and make me understand.'

'It was a freak accident. Volleyball isn't usually so dangerous. He was just at a funny angle. He was going for a receive, and didn't look where he was running. Just smacked straight into the wall, fell and didn't get back up. They took him to our hospital, even though it's not close to the school. Because his neck was broken.'

He paused and looked up for the first time. She was looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

'But he's fine! I mean, he's not going to walk, and they're not sure how much arm movement he has, they won't know properly until the halo is off, but there's some! He can move his shoulders a bit, and he can feel his palm. His brain is just the same. He talks, and makes jokes, and... it sounds stupid but I don't even really notice any more. And it's so unusual! They told me in the hospital more people break their necks in car accidents, or riding horses! There's a bloke there did it diving into a pool.' He realised he was babbling and stopped himself.

There was another pause, and gentleness had crept back into her voice. 'He's an important part of your life, isn't he?'

His voice began faltering. 'Yeah.'

'Is this why you want to stay here instead of going to university? Is there maybe more than you're telling me?'

'I don't... What do you mean?'

'Do you love him?'

'Well. Yeah! Of course! He's a good friend. I like seeing him.'

'You know I don't mean that. Are you _in_ love with him?'

His jaw went slack as the words hit him. He scrabbled to think of an answer to give her, but it wasn't something he'd even thought about himself yet. He'd never been in love with anyone before, just played around, how would he know? There'd been kissing under staircases, and sex hidden in dark corners and the backs of cars; but had any of it been love? He never gave them a second thought afterwards, so how could it?

Chikara had permeated every aspect of his life without even trying. There was no one he understood better, and no one else he enjoyed spending time with as much. He missed him, the minute he left his side. Every time he saw him again, he couldn't believe his luck that he knew him. He'd be happy if there was always room in Ennoshita's life for him, in whatever capacity, he just wanted to be a part of it.

'I don't know. How did you know with Dad?'

'Urm. Let me think. Well, you might not want to hear this, but it was probably once he kissed me. It just felt right, somehow.' She laughed, and put on a silly voice. 'Like it was what my lips had been waiting for.'

'That's so cheesy!'

'I know, that's what the voice was for, cause it sounds silly. There's still an element of truth though.' She took his hand across the table. 'Have you kissed him yet?'

'No. I nearly did today, but I couldn't reach his mouth.'

'How... I'm not even going to ask, I don't think I want to know.'

'Mum! God. No, he has to wear a thing around his head to hold it still. Like a big metal cage.' He gestured around his head to show where the poles stood.

'Oh, honey.' Her voice was sadder now. 'This isn't going to be easy you know.'

'I know. Believe me, I know.'

'I'm worried for you. You're so young for this.'

'He's the same age as me, it's a lot worse for him, remember.'

'I know,' she sighed, 'But he's not my son. It's a lot for you to take on. I suppose if anyone can do it, it's you. Does he feel the same?'

He thought back to how he'd looked at him after he kissed his forehead, and then to what Akaashi had said. He wasn't sure what things he'd noticed, what signs there were, but he'd been worried enough about Ennoshita's feelings to talk to him about it, it must be noticeable. 'Maybe. Akaashi said he thought so.'

'I'm glad you have good friends to talk to about it. Because this is out of my area of expertise in so many ways. I'll still support whatever you decide.' She massaged his hands beneath hers, as tears finally started to fall. 'I think I understand why you kept this from me now.' She took a deep breath, psyching herself up to say something.

A realisation struck him; he'd never talked about his sexuality with his Mum, that's what she meant by 'area of expertise', not just that Ennoshita was disabled. He decided to stop her having to ask the question forming in her mouth.

'Mum, I'm sorry I hadn't told you yet. That I'm bisexual. I've done... stuff with girls and boys as well.'

She breathed out, and looked up at him. 'Thank you for being honest. I won't pretend I'm not surprised. I didn't have any idea until you started talking about him just now.'

'That's not why I didn't tell you about Chikara though.'

'Really? Why didn't you tell me then?'

'It sounds so stupid after all of this, but I didn't want you to stop me playing volleyball.'

'Oh, Yuuji! Come here, you silly boy.' She stood up, and wrapped him up in her arms while he was still sitting down, stroking his head. 'I love you, honey bee.'

'Love you too, Mum.'

This hug was better than Bokuto's, no question.

–

They continued chatting, and came to an agreement between the two of them; Terushima could defer entry onto his university course, and they would tell his Father he wanted to work to build up some savings, and continue his voluntary work. Neither of them wanted to lie, but until Terushima knew himself what he wanted, he wasn't keen to involve anyone more than he already had.

He messaged his thanks to both Bokuto and Akaashi, the former for the lift, and the latter for the talking to. Akaashi apologised for being so forceful, which he dismissed as unnecessary. There was something about knowing that Ennoshita had a friend that looked out for him so passionately that warmed him to his core.

There was only one thing that needed to be done, and that was to finally include Ennoshita in the growing list of people who knew he had feelings for him.

–

Initially, he planned to just go on Monday as always, but after a sleepless Saturday night, it was obvious he couldn't wait another day. Sunday visiting hours began at midday, and he was there at the hospital, waiting respectfully by the doors with the other visitors, at a quarter to.

It was the longest fifteen minutes of his life. The dread started at his elbows, and crept in both directions up and down his arms, spreading and meeting across his chest, tingling in his fingers. He could think only of the worst case scenario, couldn't even allow himself to imagine anything else in case it wasn't there.

After ten minutes, Elaine arrived, with a loud cry of hello and an even louder hug. He had a sudden urge to pour his heart out to her as someone who would understand him in that moment, but there was only one person he was going to say anything about it to today.

'I don't meet you for weeks, and now I can't get away from you! What's going on?'

'Oh, you know. Just bored.'

'Missed him, didn't you?' She leaned in and whispered. 'Me too.'

He didn't answer, just shrugged.

'I hate the distance,' she continued, 'And having to wait for permission to see him. Know what I mean? But it makes it a bit exciting as well. Only a bit.' She wrinkled her nose and held up two fingers to show a tiny amount, and Terushima felt a rush of camaraderie for her.

'It's the anticipation, isn't it? Like waiting for a blind date to turn up,' he said.

'Yes! That's exactly it.'

Before he could say anything else incriminating, the staff nurse stuck her head out and said they could go in. Elaine grabbed his hand, and pulled him through the door, dragging him towards the window where he could already see them sitting together. He was so glad Ennoshita was sitting up, it would make everything that much easier.

'Oh look! Elaine's here. And who's that she's found?' Mark leaned forward and pushed the front of Ennoshita's chair to angle him more towards the door.

'Yuuji! What are you...? I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow.' He was smiling nervously, freshly shaved, with neatly combed hair.

'Thought I'd surprise you.' He stood awkwardly in front of him, unsure of whether to lean down, or bend his knees, or grab a chair.

'I'm glad you did. Listen, can we go and chat somewhere?'

Terushima looked surprised, wondering if he'd actually said the words out loud, or if someone else had correctly guessed what he was about to say. Ennoshita's expectant face looking at him forced him to answer, 'Yes.'

He didn't trust himself to say much more, so he flicked the brakes off, before realising he had no idea where they were going. 'Where shall we...?'

'Horatio's Garden? There's a tree we can sit near, for shade.' The hint of a need for privacy went unspoken.

They walked in silence, aside from a couple of prompts from Ennoshita for the direction to take. It wasn't a long distance, but the need to not bump him too much was at the forefront of his thoughts.

He found the tree he knew Ennoshita was referring to easily, a large willow in the corner of a paved square with a small pond in the centre. There was a large space, big enough for a bed, and benches at just the right height for sitting next to someone using a wheelchair.

He backed the wheelchair into position next to one of them, angling it so they would be able to talk without him straining his eyes. Once he sat next to him, the tree mostly hid them from view; he guessed the garden had been built this way on purpose to allow privacy for patients while enjoying being out of the ward.

They looked at each other, not speaking, slightly smiling. Terushima picked up Ennoshita's hand from where it rested in his lap, and laced their fingers together, rubbing his thumb into his palm hard enough that he knew he would feel it.

'Your hands are cold out here.' He brought his other hand up to sandwich his hand between them, rubbing them together, trying to warm up Ennoshita's fingers.

'Cold hands, warm heart.'

'I used to have a friend who said that.' He touched his fingers to Ennoshita's cheek. 'Mine are always really warm, though, see?'

'Yuuji, what are you doing?' he asked, smiling. 'You're killing me.'

'I'm sor-'

'Are you planning to ever kiss me? 'Cause it kind of has to be you that makes the first move, you know, for obvious reasons.'

His hand was still resting on his cheek, and he could feel it trembling with laughter under the pads of his fingers.

He was still laughing until Terushima leant forwards and pressed their lips together gently.

As he pulled back, he sensed Ennoshita had been leaning in slightly, and his expression was still amused.

'I keep telling you, I'm not made of glass.' He bit his bottom lip, staring first at Terushima's mouth, and then looking him straight in the eye. 'Kiss me like you mean it.'

Their second kiss was less patient, eyes closing and lips parting as they met, but Terushima was still hesitant, scared of moving him in the wrong way. He wanted to taste him, to touch him, to feel his breath and lips murmuring against his skin; he wanted to do those things, but never harming him, protecting him. He ached for him to understand what he meant to him, how much he wanted to belong in his life; that it wasn't just because he thought Ennoshita needed him, he needed him back just as much, if not more.

That was what he meant, so that was how he kissed him.

And he hoped Ennoshita understood every word.

  
  


  
  


  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork for this [chapter](http://pesky33.tumblr.com/post/162559231800/some-artwork-for-incomplete-ive-been-dying-to)
> 
> The garden I describe isn't actually built yet, and I haven't seen the plans, but it should be built this year (2017). If you'd like to donate to the Horatio's Gardens project, which builds accessible gardens at spinal injury units (and by accessible I mean even for bedridden patients – as you can see by what I've written, a lot of spinal injured patients spend A LOT of time in bed) then the link is here


	10. Chapter 10

Terushima pulled away, opening his eyes and taking in the flush covering Ennoshita's cheeks.

'About bloody time. Honestly, I wasn't sure you'd ever do it. I was just talking to Mark about what to do before you walked in.'

'That must have surprised him, since he already seemed to think I'm your boyfriend.' He punched him lightly on the arm. 'Feels like I've done nothing but talk about you with people since last night. Akaashi's scary, isn't he?'

'Oh, God, what did he say?'

'I'll fill you in later. _And_ about Mum.' Ennoshita's eyebrows raised. 'Right now, though, please can we just talk about _us_. Just to stop me losing my mind.' He shuffled closer so one of Ennoshita's knees was between his own, holding one of his hands between his.

'Yuuji, if you get any closer, you'll be sitting in my lap,' he said, grinning.

'Don't give me ideas.' he leaned forward so he could reach his lips again, heartened that Ennoshita responded immediately. 'So, this is a thing, then, yeah?'

'No, I go 'round snogging everyone in the gardens.' He tutted. 'I was so pissed off you only kissed my forehead yesterday.'

'Well, you were feeling ill! Hang on. Did you just pretend to feel sick?'

'Oh, no, that was real. But then I was there with my head on your chest, and your heart was beating so fast, it was unbelievable. I thought to myself, Well is he going to kiss me then? Cause I wasn't sure before, if it was mutual, but when you said my name and the way you looked at me, I just thought, Come on then, kiss me! In fact,' he stopped, and pursed his lips slightly.

There was something ridiculous about the facial expression, but it didn't stop Terushima. He leaned in again, taking Ennoshita's bottom lip between his own, running his tongue along it, before moving it between his lips. He ran the stud in his tongue along Ennoshita's top lip, savouring the hum of approval. He almost forgot where they were, tongues sliding together, until Ennoshita cut off the kiss with a peck. Terushima didn't back away, just stayed leaning into his face, nose pressing against his cheek.

'You are... amazingly hot,' Ennoshita sighed, breath warm against Terushima, 'You're just so sexy and your smile is everything, and you're so thoughtful, honestly I'm just weak for you, do you even realise?' They were close enough that he could reach and kiss him without asking.

'I didn't, not until now. How long?'

He laughed. 'I think it was probably that day with the scotch egg that I first thought, Oh hello, this isn't just friendship. But it took a bit more time to be sure.'

Terushima smiled at this synchronisation, deciding to not ruin the moment by talking about it more than simply saying, 'It was around then for me, too.'

'So we could have been doing this for weeks?' Ennoshita pecked the corner of his mouth. 'We're both idiots. Why did we waste so much time?'

'Speaking of time, how much do we have now?'

'I can stay up as long as I feel alright, and my parents aren't visiting until tonight. Let's stay here. We're pretty well hidden, aren't we?'

'To be honest, I don't care if we aren't.'

One hand cupped gently around the back of Ennoshita's head, the other held his chin, and he lost himself in the taste of cinnamon on his lips again.

–

After half an hour of alternating between calling each other stupid, kissing, and talking about the conversations with his Mum and Akaashi, Ennoshita said it was time to go back inside; he said he wasn't sure if he felt woozy because of sitting up too long, or lack of oxygen from kissing too much, and Terushima smiled and nuzzled his hair as he stood up to grab the handles of the wheelchair.

They walked slowly back to the ward, partly because of the dizziness, partly to just take their time.

'You're getting more touchy. I'm glad. My injury is pretty stable now, I think the vest is coming off soon.'

'That's great news!'

'Then I start on my physio, see how much movement I have. Want to carry on with that anime this afternoon?'

'Do you think they'll let me stay?'

'I don't give a rat's arse, I'm not letting you go home until you have to. I'll go on hunger strike.'

Terushima leant forward and kissed the top of his head. 'I'll hang around until your parents arrive. But if the nurses ask me to leave, I'm not fighting them.'

'That's fair.'

Of course, no one asked him to leave when visiting hours finished; even when they pulled the curtain around two sides of the bed instead of the usual one. They were only disturbed an hour later, when Terushima tried sitting on the bed, and Ennoshita shrieked because he'd rolled towards him a little. Once the nurse had checked everyone was safe, she gave him a lecture about how the bed was filled with pockets of air that inflated and deflated with the use of an electronic pump, and should absolutely not be sat on.

The nurses forgave him when he said he would stay and give him his dinner, even though it was a Sunday.

–

As soon as he got home, he asked his parents if he could speak to them, and broke the news of the deferment of his university place. Of course, his Mother already knew, but she feigned innocence, a knowing smile on her face as she asked him questions about what he planned for his year off.

It went down surprisingly well with his Father, the promise of more lines of text on his job applications in the future being worth the wait for his son to get a degree; that was until he heard what employment he'd decided to take.

'A postman? Really?' he asked, looking over the top of his newspaper the next day at breakfast. Terushima couldn't remember the last time he'd even been awake when his Father ate breakfast, let alone was out of bed and dressed and joining in with the cornflakes and toast. His job didn't begin for two more weeks, but he was training his body and mind into the new sleep cycle.

'It pays well, and I'm finished every day by midday.' He didn't add his true reasons for choosing to take a job delivering the post, that could wait.

'Well, the post is a necessary part of everyone's day, especially businesses. We thought the internet would kill it, but we didn't know about online shopping then, of course.' His Father always had this slightly pompous way of talking, bestowing history and facts on his son instead of praise. He wasn't cold, it was just his way of interacting; his Mum once told him that his Dad had been all fingers and thumbs when they first had him, only becoming more comfortable once his son reached a certain age.

'It's also good exercise of course. Keep my fitness levels up until I get back to playing.'

'Good lad,' his Father said, without taking his eyes off the newsprint, so he smiled to himself and just carried on eating.

Eventually, he finished reading, and went to work, leaving just himself and his Mum in the house. He'd been waiting for this chance since the night before, not wanting any opportunity of being overheard.

'So, how did it go?' She sat opposite him, bringing him a fresh coffee, looking all the world like a fellow teenager waiting for the gossip.

'It was... amazing, Mum. He feels the same. He was the one who asked _me_ if I was ever going to kiss _him_!'

'And did you?'

'Of course! Loads of times.' He looked embarrassed, realising what he'd said. 'Sorry.'

She just laughed. 'You're eighteen, honey, I remember what that was like.'

'Please don't talk about kissing Dad again.'

'So. You have a boyfriend. My little boy is growing up.' She took his hand, and brought it to her mouth to kiss it.

'Mum, I think...' He paused and took a deep breath. 'I think it might be. What we said.'

'You knew from the kiss?'

He nodded. 'Yeah. It was like. Soft. And warm.' He brought his fingers to his mouth, smiling at the memory. 'I've kissed people before, but. I don't know.'

'It felt different, didn't it? Oh, look at you, you're so smitten!'

'Mum!' He slapped her hands away as they grabbed to pull him closer.

She just laughed again. 'When do we get to meet him?'

'You want to meet him?'

'Of course! I want to meet the person who makes you pull that face.'

'Mum, quit it!' He hadn't even thought about them all meeting, and the reality of coming out to his Father suddenly hit him square in the chest. 'You mean Dad as well?'

Her expression went serious. 'Well, I like to think so, yes. Are you scared of his reaction?'

'A bit. Will he be OK about it?'

'To be honest, my love, I have no idea. I like to think he wouldn't care at all, but it's not really something we've talked about.'

Terushima understood. The 'facts of life' chat had been given by his Mother when he turned fourteen, and she did her best to answer questions about the actual experience of male puberty, even though all she had was what she'd read, and not her own experiences.

'He loves you, and he's never said anything homophobic, so I can't see why he would have a problem,' she continued, 'And even though I think you should tell him as soon as possible, I won't say a thing until you're ready. But if it really _is_ love, it's not going to be easy, in lots of ways, and you'll need all the support you can get. Why not get a head start and get your Dad on your side?'

'Let me speak to Chikara today, see what he thinks. And then we'll talk again. Is that OK?'

She got up and went around to hug him where he sat. 'Of course, whatever you decide to do, I'll support you.' She kissed his head. 'I still want to see him, though. Do you have a photo?'

'Urm, no. Wow, no I don't! I'll get one today. I never even thought about that.'

'What's he look like,' she asked softly, smoothing his hair as she held him against her chest.

'He has dark hair, fairly short, kind of,' he moved a hand across his forehead, 'Sweeping like this. His eyes are brown, really dark. And sleepy! He always looks tired, even when he's not. He smiles like this.' He turned up one corner of his mouth, very slightly, in an accurate impression of Ennoshita's smile.

'Sounds handsome.'

'He is. But it's not that, I mean, he's not my usual type. It's just. It's him, I don't even know what it is. He's...' The thought stayed unfinished, as he tried to articulate his feelings.

She kissed him again. 'Why are you even wondering if this is really love, honey bee? It's pretty obvious it is.'

'Fucking hell,' he said, and then, 'Sorry.'

'It's fine. Couldn't have said it better myself.'

–

Walking into the hospital, the two words kept ringing through his head. 'Fucking hell'. It was like his brain had chosen to latch onto these two words instead of the more obvious ones, but then again these ones seemed to better encapsulate the way he was feeling.

Fucking hell (he was going to have to come out to his Dad). Fucking hell (he was in love with someone). Fucking hell (what was the rest of their life going to be like)?

Just. Fucking. Hell.

Before he realised, he was at St Andrew's Ward, familiar faces beaming at him from behind reception, happy calls of his name stopping the mantra in his head. He gave them the chocolates he'd bought at the shop on the way, picked up Ennoshita's lunch from the trolley, and went to find him.

It took a few minutes, as he wasn't in bed, unusual for the time of day. As Mark was also absent, he guessed they were probably together, most likely in the day room watching the communal television.

He was right, and when he saw them, he almost dropped the tray in shock.

'Oh my God!'

He put the tray on the closest surface, not taking his eyes off Ennoshita, and then began walking towards him.

'I told you!' Ennoshita's tone was teasing, his smile crooked. 'You weren't supposed to come yesterday, it was meant to be a surprise for today!'

'Your halo...'

'Not mine any more.'

Terushima sat down in front of him, loose jawed and never taking his eyes off him. The plastic vest, metal poles, screws, everything, it was all gone, replaced with a simple padded neck collar. There was a small scab on both temples, and Terushima lifted a hand to brush against one.

'Does it hurt?' he asked, softly pressing a fingertip around the edge where it was pinkest.

'A little bit.'

A cough came from behind him. He'd forgotten Mark was even there. 'I'll let you catch up.'

Terushima turned, and apologetically smiled. 'Sorry, I was just surprised.'

'It's fine, it's fine. Don't forget your food, though,' he said to Ennoshita, steering himself out of the door.

As soon as he'd gone, he leaned into Ennoshita, kissing him. Without the metal poles in the way, it was easier to reach his lips, and suddenly other parts of his face were now accessible to him, and he was peppering tiny kisses onto his cheeks, near his ears, his jawline, until both of them were giggling like children.

'Yuuji! Stop a minute. I need to eat before they take it away.'

Terushima nuzzled near his ear, and whispered, 'Sod the sandwich.'

But Ennoshita was firm through his laughter. 'Hey! This is never going to work if you don't listen to me. Stop!'

Terushima stopped, and moved back into his chair again. 'Sorry, I thought you were enjoying it.' His head drooped, disappointed.

'I was! Stop sulking, this is important, please. Look at me.' Terushima did as he was told. 'Look, you have to stop when I ask, OK? I know right now it's not that serious, but it could be in the future. I can't move away from you, you have to remember that. Consent is important. Always. But in this relationship, it's just not negotiable. I _have_ to be able to trust you.'

The reality of what he said hit Terushima, and he felt terrible. 'Chika, I'm so sorry. You're absolutely right, I never even thought of that. I was carried away.'

'It's OK, I know. It's great that you were carried away to be honest, but you have to learn to stop when I ask. I don't want to get too heavy, not yet, we'll talk about it another time, but there's complications with my injury that we haven't talked about yet.'

'Is everything OK?' He was suddenly worried, fearful there was something terrible he didn't know about.

'Yeah, it's nothing new. Look, bring me my sandwich, I'll tell you while I eat.'

Terushima went and got the tray, and broke a piece of sandwich off to give to Ennoshita. 'Sorry,' he said, quietly.

'I'm not angry,' he said after swallowing. 'There's just a lot of stuff about spinal injury that hasn't come up yet. I've been telling you what you need to know, when necessary. The amount of stuff they tell me is... overwhelming to be honest. I had to decide the other day if I wanted some sperm frozen. I mean. How do you answer that, at eighteen years old?'

'Jesus. I had no idea.' He picked up one of his hands with the one not holding food, and absent-mindedly moved the sandwich up in front of Ennoshita's mouth, who took a bite. 'Oh! Sorry, I didn't break a piece off.'

'It's OK,' he said through his mouthful, 'I just thought that's how you ate, I didn't realise you were doing that for me. I can bite into food, you know. Is that why you've been giving me bite sized pieces?'

'Well. Yeah.'

'You are too cute, honestly.' He'd been smiling, but his face became serious again. 'Yeah, I mean. I don't want to think about that right now, but they have to. It makes some discussions a real challenge.'

'I can't even imagine.'

'Well, so that's one thing. Those kind of things about spinal injury. That's what I mean. I promise to tell you stuff when you need to know, but until then, you have to trust me, and let me keep control over my own body and what happens to it. OK?'

'Of course, that makes sense. I never even thought about it like that.'

'Why would you?' He took another bite of the sandwich as it was offered.

There was a lull in conversation, and the noise from the ward drifted through the open door, clinking cutlery and clattering plates signalling the end of lunchtime. He waited for Ennoshita to finish his mouthful, before giving him the last piece, and peeling the satsuma.

'I told my Mum about us,' he started, focusing on the orange peel, 'She wants to meet you. What do you think?' He looked up, and Ennoshita's smile dazzled him.

'Of course I want to meet your parents! I was wondering how to ask. My parents want to meet you, as well. Properly I mean.'

'You told them about us?'

'Last night. I mean, they kind of guessed, anyway. You're here when they arrive, I talk about you all the time. When I told them we were dating, Mum said, and I quote, So what else is new?'

Terushima laughed. 'Nice. I haven't told Dad yet, but Mum has been fantastic so far.' He softened his voice to say, 'She's more concerned about your disability than you being a man. I'm sure meeting you will help.'

'Yeah, I understand that. She must be worried about you. When do you think you'll tell your Dad?'

'Tonight.' He made the snap decision after hearing about the casualness of Ennoshita's parents' attitude to their relationship. 'How about I bring them to visit on Sunday?'

'I'd love that. Now, kiss me again, and give me that satsuma.'

So Terushima did.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonderful artwork for this chapter from Hanny - [tumblr link](http://pesky33.tumblr.com/post/162702727063/more-gorgeous-artwork-for-incomplete-by-hannycho)
> 
>  
> 
> Bodily autonomy (or body integrity) is so vital for disabled people, I had to bring it into this fic somehow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick! Have an update!
> 
> There'll be another on Friday :)

Terushima suggested they took a walk in the garden again; the atmosphere had got heavy in the day room, and he thought a different setting and the breeze outside might clear the air in more ways than one.

The physical side of their relationship hadn't crossed his mind, at least not beyond kissing him, but it was clearly something Ennoshita had given some thought to. The attraction he felt towards Ennoshita was so different to any other he'd felt; he was definitely attracted to him in a sexual way, somewhere in amongst the hundred other feelings, but the lack of physicality in their interactions brought the other attractions closer to the surface.

He'd definitely wondered about what kind of sexual sensations still remained in Ennoshita's body, usually in the dead of night when he was struggling to sleep, nine times out of ten questioning whether he would still be able to get an erection. He searched online, and found some information, but it all seemed to relate to where the injury had been, and apparently 'neck' wasn't a narrow enough area for spinal injury; breaks were classified by a letter and a number, denoting the vertebrae which had been broken, and even with a diagram, Terushima could only narrow it down to probably being one of the ones beginning with a 'C'.

While searching, he found a helpline number for the Spinal Injuries Association which he scribbled onto a notebook; then one particularly desperate day, not knowing where else to turn, he called them. The woman who answered was so kind, it made him cry. She reassured him about so many things, from whether he'd be able to live alone, or go to university, until eventually he stuttered his way through asking about erections. The shift in topics didn't phase her, and she offered him an information booklet, checking with him which of them he would like her to send.

'Well, he's a man.'

'And you are?'

'I'm also a man.'

'OK, so I'll send the one aimed at injured men, and an additional leaflet about male/male sexual relationships. Are you a member of the association?'

'No, Do I need to be?'

'You usually do, but I'll make an exception.'

'No, I'd like to join. If I'm allowed.'

'Of course you can join! If your friend wants to join, he can get lifetime membership too.'

A couple of days later, a package arrived, and inside he found two booklets he'd opened and then closed immediately, the contents seemed so intimidating. She'd also written a sweet note, wishing him luck. He immediately went online and signed up for a lifetime membership to the association, making a donation as large as he could afford as he did so.

'Have you heard of the Spinal Injury Association?' he asked Ennoshita as they neared the willow tree.

'Yeah, there's a lot of leaflets they've produced in the treatment rooms.'

'Are you a member?'

'Yeah, everyone who comes here joins.' Terushima settled him next to the bench where they'd sat the day before. 'Why the sudden interest?'

'Oh. Well, I joined the other week, and I was just thinking about it.' He sat next to him, taking his hand as usual. He looked at him to find him staring back.

'You joined the SIA?'

'Yeah.' Ennoshita was still staring at him, and he was starting to feel nervous about having offended him somehow. 'I called them for some advice, it seemed a good idea. Was that OK?'

He didn't answer, just lifted his arm very slightly up off the armrest and towards his body, and then gave a frustrated sigh. 'Yuuji, come here.'

He stood up, and gingerly put his arms around his shoulders; it was the first time he'd been able to do so without the metal and plastic being in the way, and he was surprised to feel Ennoshita's head turn and butt into his neck, moving slightly backwards and forwards. On instinct, his hands spread over his back, pulling them closer together.

'Be gentle.'

'You're not made of glass,' he whispered, moving his head so he could reach his lips to softly kiss him. He felt a tap against his torso, and broke away to look down. Looking puzzled, Ennoshita followed his line of sight.

Ennoshita's hand, bent at the wrist with dangling fingers, was raised in the air, touching Terushima's side. The two of them looked at each other, and then back at the hand, as if neither of them recognised what it was.

'Did you know you could do that?'

Ennoshita shook his head. 'No.'

'You just shook your head as well, you know.'

'Did I?' He shook it again experimentally, and then nodded it. 'I didn't dare try anything. They said it was stable, I was just scared. I've been holding as still as possible ever since they took it off.'

Terushima ran his fingers over the back of Ennoshita's collar, ruffling them in the hair at his nape. 'Probably best to not overdo it.' He gave him a final peck on the lips, and sat back down again.

Ennoshita was still looking at his hand; his elbow was back down resting on the chair arm, and he had a look of concentration on his face.

'Chika?'

'It dropped down from gravity. I'm just seeing if I can lift it again.'

He threaded his arm underneath Ennoshita's bicep, hooking his hand around the front. It meant they were sitting right up against each other, their arms pressing together. Ennoshita turned his head to the side and smiled, before realising what he was doing and getting excited about the fact he turned his head to the side.

Terushima rubbed his hand up his arm, a little worried. 'Let's just sit still for a bit, shall we?' He squeezed his arm, and felt a twitch of muscle against his hand. This was enough for now.

–

For the second night running, Terushima asked for an audience with his parents. He almost chickened out, but every time he wavered, he got out his phone, and looked at the photo he'd taken of the pair of them sitting under the willow. Terushima was beaming straight at the camera as he held it at arm's length, clutching Ennoshita's arm with his free hand; he hadn't realised until he looked at the photo that Ennoshita was focused squarely on him, capturing forever a smile of affection which made his heart constrict.

So once they were sitting around the kitchen table, he took one final look at the photo he'd set as his phone lock-screen, and took a deep breath.

He came out to his Dad.

There were no fireworks or screaming, no one threatening to kick him out of his home. His Father dealt with it as he dealt with everything; practicality. He said similar things as his Mum had, about how difficult his life might be. He talked a little about how future employers might view him if he chose to spend his life with a man. The thing which hurt Terushima the most was his Father talking about how he might still end up with a woman and all this would be a moot point; he wasn't sure why it hurt so much, but he nipped it in the bud.

He told his Dad about Ennoshita.

Somehow, this was more of a shock to his Father, who struggled to find the answers in his vast storage of knowledge. If he doesn't move, how will he work? If you stay with him forever, where will you live? Is he going to get worse, or better? All questions Terushima hadn't even considered himself, they were just too far into the future.

Before he could tell him to stop, his Mother touched his arm, and said his name, pleading with him to stop asking questions and listen to his son. But Terushima hadn't got the words, he didn't know where to start.

He showed them both the photo.

He begged with his Father to look at how happy he was, how Ennoshita looked at him, how special and good and _normal_ it was. He asked him to spare his judgement until he at least met him, saw them together, saw how right it was for them both. His Mother agreed, close to begging herself, the first photo of Ennoshita she'd seen having an emotional impact he hadn't expected; they both look so happy, she told her husband, how could we ask for anything more?

His Father wasn't angry, or shouting, or disappointed; in some ways those things would have been better. He merely agreed to meet him on Sunday, and then decide what he thought about it, but in that chilling voice, that blank expression, that made Terushima's blood run cold.

The only thing that scared him more than heights was his Father's lack of empathy.

–

He told Ennoshita on Wednesday that his parents would come on Sunday, but he told him nothing else about it. The whole thing was nerve-wracking enough. When visiting hours started, and Ennoshita's parents arrived, he stayed for an hour, to meet them properly, and it just made him feel even worse.

It seemed ridiculous to have formal introductions, when they'd seen each other so many times before, but they made the transition so easy, especially his Mother. She apologised for calling his home before, hoping she hadn't caused trouble between him and his Mother, and he realised he never did find out why she'd telephoned that time. He asked her, but she tapped the side of her nose, and said she'd call him again.

His Father was quiet, but friendly when he did speak; Terushima assumed his silence was just part of his personality, rather than any unhappiness at his son's relationship.

When his Mother suggested they all go out for a meal together, and perhaps invite Terushima's parents, Ennoshita interrupted, suggesting they wait before attempting that, saying he wanted to meet them himself before letting all the parents meet.

He left to go home, the good night kiss Ennoshita had given him in full view of his parents still tingling on his lips; he was so jealous of the relationship he had with them, he could barely stand it. At home, he went straight to his room, put headphones on, and watched crappy films until he fell asleep.

The wait for Sunday was interminable. He kept to his usual visiting days, knowing Ennoshita would definitely have company on the days he didn't go. The team were still taking turns to visit him in small groups on Saturdays; it was heart-warming how dedicated they still were to him, especially as the others his age were preparing for university.

The texts from Hinata still came every Saturday, and the one he got this time he was especially grateful for. Ennoshita had told the team he was dating Terushima, and the text was full of congratulations and hopes to see him again soon now he was part of their little family.

On Saturday evening, he prayed for the first time in years, not even sure who he was praying to any more, that his Father would be as welcoming as everyone else was being.

–

'Why are we all waiting here?'

His Father was shuffling from foot to foot, eyeing the rest of the people in the corridor.

'Because visiting starts at 12, Hiro. Stand still.'

'Where's the toilet?'

'It's down there, Dad,' Terushima said, pointing at the corridor where the toilets were clearly signposted. Hiro wandered off, muttering.

'Don't be too hard on him,' she said, 'He's nervous as well.'

Elaine arrived before he could answer, giving him a hug.

'This is Elaine, Mum, she's Mark's girlfriend. Elaine, this is my Mum, Tamiko.'

'Nice to meet you,' Elaine said, giving her trademark smile and extending a hand.

'You too,' Tamiko said shaking her hand. 'And Mark?'

'He's in the bed next to Chikara.'

'Not for much longer! He's being discharged in September. I can't wait to get him home again.' Her face was blissful, and even though he would be sad to see Mark go, he was ecstatic for them both.

Just then, Hiro came back from the bathroom, and the introductions were repeated just in time for the nurse to poke a head out and tell everyone they could come in. Elaine ran off, giddily as ever, but Terushima held back his parents.

'I don't know if he'll be up or in bed, so don't stare, whichever it is.'

Tamiko looked at him with a frown. 'I understand you're nervous and this is all very new, but we're not monsters. You're not the only nervous one, you know.' She looked at him knowingly, reminding him of the short conversation they just had.

He grunted an apology, and walked into the ward with them trailing behind him.

Ennoshita was sitting up in his wheelchair, by his bed, waiting for them with a nervous expression. He didn't have the padded collar around his neck any more, now the only sign there was anything unusual about him was the wheelchair. Terushima just wanted to run and hug him, but he remained reserved in his greeting.

'Hey, Chikara,' he said, with a hand on his shoulder and a wink. He turned to his parents, stepping to the side so Ennoshita could also see them. 'So. This is my Mum and Dad.'

'It's nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Terushima.' He held up his arm, expectantly.

Tamiko stepped forward, grasping his hand in hers. 'It's nice to finally meet you too. You can call me Tamiko. Hiro?'

She gestured to her husband, who also stepped forward, and took his hand after she let it go. 'Hello, Chikara. You may call me Hirokumi.'

'There aren't many spare chairs in here,' Terushima said, looking around, 'Shall we go and sit in the garden?'

There wasn't enough room to walk in a line through the corridor, so he took the lead pushing Ennoshita, his parents following behind. They were far enough away that he could whisper without them hearing, especially with the noise of the hospital around them.

'That was OK, wasn't it?'

'Of course it was. The worst thing was not getting a kiss hello.'

'Well, I didn't want to rub their faces in it, it wasn't that I didn't want to.'

'I want double later.' Although he couldn't see his face, he could hear that he was grinning.

'Triple,' he promised.

He didn't want to take them to their usual spot by the willow, it seemed wrong to have them in their private space, so instead he took them over to the area with tables and benches, with gaps to fit a wheelchair under the table. He positioned himself and Ennoshita on one side of the table, and his parents sat opposite. It felt a lot like a job interview, somehow.

Beneath the table, he quietly took hold of Ennoshita's hand. 'I'll go fetch us drinks in a minute, there's a little kiosk over there.'

'This garden is beautiful,' Tamiko said, looking around, 'Isn't it, Hiro?'

'It's very well kept.'

'There's a big team of volunteers who look after everything,' Ennoshita told them, 'I met one of them out here the other day when I was with Mark. His daughter was in the unit here, a while back. He wanted to give back to them for what they did for her.'

'That's very thoughtful,' she said.

'Volunteers usually are,' he replied, smiling at a blushing Terushima.

'Elaine said Mark's being discharged soon?' Terushima said.

Ennoshita nodded. 'Yeah. I'm really gonna miss him, but I'm glad he's getting out.'

'How long do you think you'll be in here for?' Hiro asked. Terushima wasn't sure if this question was a little rude, and looked at Ennoshita to make sure it was alright to ask.

'I'm not sure, I might be out by Christmas. We'll see.'

'That long?' Terushima asked. He'd been hoping now the vest and halo was off that it would be just a few more weeks.

'Now the rehab starts. Physio has been really full-on this week, getting all my joints moving again after being still for so long.'

'I noticed you can lift your arm,' Hiro said, 'Is that a good sign?'

Terushima spoke up. 'Can we not grill Chikara on what he can and can't do? He's not a circus attraction.'

Ennoshita just laughed. 'They're curious, leave them alone.' He looked back at Hiro and Tamiko and said, 'I don't mind answering questions. If I don't want to answer, I won't.'

On instinct, Terushima leaned over and kissed his cheek, before catching himself and pulling back quickly. 'Sorry,' he directed at his parents.

His Dad just shrugged, and his Mum smiled and said, 'It's fine, it's only a peck on the cheek. I'm sure you've done much worse.'

Hiro smirked, Terushima looked horrified, while Ennoshita was just laughing so much he started snorting.

'Mum! Shut up! I can't believe you.'

'Oh! I know what I wanted to ask! Did Yuuji really give himself fangs with a loofah?' Ennoshita said, and this time Hiro started laughing.

Somehow the tension had evaporated, and his parents and his boyfriend had found something they could all enjoy doing together; teasing him until he blushed like an idiot.

–

His parents stayed for just over an hour; Terushima went to get them all drinks, and when he came back to the table, they'd been chatting happily about Ennoshita's parents and the location of their new bungalow.

When Ennoshita had to go back to bed, his parents said they would leave, so he asked if he could stay. His Mother laughed, as if she'd ever thought he would go home with them anyway.

'He's lovely, honey. I can see why you get on.'

'What about you, Dad?' he asked nervously.

'Yes, I can see it too,' was all he offered, but this was more than enough for Terushima.

Back at his bedside, he finally got to give Ennoshita a proper kiss hello, sweet mango flavoured lips finally beneath his own again. The curtains were still pulled around from when he'd gone back to bed, so he took his chance to lick along the line of his lips, deepening the kiss.

Ennoshita opened his mouth, pressing his tongue against Terushima's, nudging the barbell in his tongue. He hummed his appreciation, the vibration causing a hitch of breath from Ennoshita.

'Can I hold you?'

'We can try, but be careful.'

Terushima gently slid his left arm underneath Ennoshita's neck until he was resting on the crook of his elbow. 'Is this OK.'

Ennoshita nodded and looked up at him. 'It's nice.'

He wasn't sure at first what to do with his other arm, but it slotted naturally around Ennoshita's body, his right hand curling around the back of his shoulder. Ennoshita moved forward slightly, so he took the cue to kiss him again.

It was slightly awkward, leaning over the bed, but the feeling of holding him as he kissed him was worth every ache. He trailed his lips from Ennoshita's mouth, across his cheek, down the side of his neck, and back up to his earlobe where he gave it a soft tug with his teeth.

'Is this OK?' he asked again, mouth close to his ear.

Ennoshita turned his head to bite him back, murmuring, 'Do it again.' Terushima obliged, before moving back to catch his lips again. After a few more minutes of licking into his mouth, his legs and back weren't the only things aching; an insistent throb had started in his groin, and he pulled away with a smacking of lips.

'We should stop. Before...' His voice trailed off, his eyes cast downwards, and Ennoshita's eyes widened.

'Really?' His voice lowered to a whisper. 'Yuuji, you naughty boy.'

Terushima pounced back at him with a growl, biting slightly more roughly into his bottom lip, before removing his arm from under his head; Ennoshita's hums of pleasure became a whine of disappointment when he stood up.

'There are people the other side of the curtain. Stop being such a minx.'

He gave an exaggerated sigh, and pouted. 'Well, I suppose if I expect you to stop when I ask, I should listen when you say it too.'

'It's not that I _want_ to stop. You know that, right?' He held his chin, ran his thumb along Ennoshita's bottom lip. 'I want nothing more than to carry on.'

His eyelids grew heavier, as he softly said, 'Me too, I just don't know...'

'I know. We'll work it out. Just not here.' He pecked a kiss on his forehead, and opened the curtains. He checked around, but didn't think anyone had been close enough to hear them, especially when he spotted Mark had put on his headphones.

Ennoshita smirked at him from the bed. His voice was teasing, as he said, 'Yuuji, you better sit over here until that thing calms down.'

He was now even more convinced his boyfriend would end up being the death of him.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really rang that helpline number when I decided I was attracted to Ian and was scared; everything I describe happened just as I've told it. 
> 
> The SIA are incredible, and without them, I'm not sure where a lot of people would be right now. They arrange Ian's prescriptions, and Ian has a lifetime membership, so he gets magazines with all the latest innovations and technology in them. There's a website with forums, but he hasn't used them. Now and again I go on, mainly to ask other partners about stuff.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you usually read on Fridays, make sure you've read the previous chapter as I updated during the week too :)
> 
> Quite a lot of this chapter is of a sexual nature, if that bothers you at all, then stop reading after 'Towards the end of September'

'Yuuji! Phone for you!'

He ran downstairs, and asked his Mum who it was.

'Don't be long, your food's ready. It's Toshi.' Terushima looked at her without comprehension. 'Ennoshita. Chikara's Mum.'

'Oh!' He took the phone off her. 'Hello, sorry I had a blank moment there. Is Chikara OK?'

'He's fine, I'm ringing about the thing I wanted to talk about before.'

'Of course, sorry. These early mornings are doing a number on me.'

She laughed softly. 'How is being a postman?'

'It's alright, could be a lot worse. Easy enough work, good exercise, I finish early enough to spend the rest of the day at the hospital. Pretty perfect if you ask me.'

His usual visiting schedule had changed again since starting his new job a month ago, and he was now going over every weekday after work was over, and staying until Toshi and Jin arrived in the evening. The hospital just seemed to accept him turning up every day now, resigned to the fact there wasn't much they could do about it. They seemed to take pity on Ennoshita no longer having Mark to keep him company; he made other friends on the ward, but there was a big hole left, for everyone else on the ward as well, when Mark went home.

'I know Chikara appreciates it, as do we,' Toshi was saying, 'Which is partly why I wanted to talk to you. The nurse said she spoke to you before about taking Chikara to a volleyball match.'

'Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that! I'd still like to go if it's on offer?'

'It is in a fashion,' she said, 'The team at Karasuno have organised an exhibition match to raise some money for us to buy a new car that we can use once he comes home.'

'That's a brilliant idea! I never even thought about that.'

'They'd like to keep it a secret from him, so I thought I'd ask for your help. All I need you to do is sort out the transport like you did when you went to the pub the other week. I'll email all the details, but it's being held at Karasuno.'

'Who are they playing?'

'Fukurodani.'

'Terushima laughed. 'I might have known!'

'Basically they're selling tickets to watch, and there'll be food and drink, merchandise, you know.'

'This is amazing! Who's doing all this?'

'Daichi is in charge, but everyone is chipping in. Shimada is donating drinks, the restaurant Saeko works in are doing food, the other teams are coming to do demonstrations. It's going to be great, he's going to love it.'

Terushima felt himself filling up. 'God, people are so wonderful, aren't they? I feel terrible for not helping yet. I hope someone called Johzenji...'

'Yuuji, sweetheart, you have nothing to feel terrible about. You do more than enough.'

'I'm already crying, Mrs Ennoshita, don't be nice to me as well, or I'll be a puddle on the floor.'

'I told you to call me Toshi now, please don't make me cross.' Her voice was light and teasing, and she reminded him of Chikara.

'Sorry. Toshi it is. Just send the details over, and I'll sort it out tomorrow when I go in.'

'Thank you.' She paused, and when she started speaking again, her voice was thick. 'I'm so glad he met you. I'm not sure where he would have been without you.'

Terushima choked back his tears again. 'Thank you, T-Toshi. I'll wait for your email.' He hung up, quickly wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve before he went back into the kitchen to eat his meal.

–

He was true to his word, and the next day he stopped by the nurse's station to get details on how to book David and the minibus. He was given a request form, so he shoved it into his bag, and asked them not to tell Chikara.

A month of physiotherapy had brought a lot of changes to Ennoshita's physical fitness, and he was now able to sit up for four hours at a time. He chose to get up twice a day, once at ten in the morning, covering the lunch period, and then again at four to cover visiting hours. It meant Terushima usually arrived at about two, while he was still lying down, but then got to spend some time with him while he was up as well. The routine had been honed through trial and error, and kept everyone involved in Ennoshita's life happy.

His new neighbour wasn't quite as friendly as Mark, but he was newly injured, so both of them gave him space, trying not to be too obvious about spending time together so they didn't make him feel uncomfortable. They didn't kiss behind the curtain any more, just caught up on each other's news, and usually watched something together until he got up and ate.

The days were colder, but they still went into the garden after his evening meal, sitting under the willow together. They found a position where no one could see them, and would just sit together, kissing while the evening drew in around them, until they had to go back indoors for his parents' visit.

Their time together was always so limited, and it always left them both wanting, even though neither of them knew how to go beyond what they were doing anyway. The position they found, which was also honed with the same dedication given to the rest of their routine, was to sit facing each other, Ennoshita's back to the garden, next to the bench. The arm of the chair was low enough that Terushima could wrap himself around him, chests flush, and both of them had access to most of the other one's face and neck.

People probably saw them, but to his mind they weren't doing anything wrong. It was nothing more than kissing, even though he was usually hard during these sessions. Sometimes he went straight home and dealt with it, sometimes he left himself unsatisfied on purpose. He still hadn't read the leaflets the woman from the SIA had sent him; he didn't dare to, in case it gave him ideas about how to actually take things further, and he wouldn't be able to control himself.

It was already bad enough hearing Ennoshita's contented sighs as he licked along the edge of his ear with the stud in his tongue, and his neck was covered in tiny bruises in the exact position that Ennoshita could reach while he was doing so.

He didn't tell him much about what he did in his physio sessions, but it was definitely having an effect on his mobility. Even though he still had little movement below his shoulders, the break had been in such a place that he could bend his arm at the elbow, even though he couldn't straighten it, due to the actions being controlled by two different muscles. He was also able to lift his arm off the armrest more smoothly and quickly and for longer periods, as well as shrugging his shoulders up towards his ears.

All these tiny new arm movements made him a more active participant in their embraces. He could hook his arm around Terushima's arms or neck, trapping him in the crook of his elbow. He would bring his hand up, nudging the back of Terushima's head, encouraging him to move to different positions, or just pushing his face closer to his own.

Ennoshita never asked him to stop. He asked him other things though: try and wear a shirt with buttons, so I can reach your neck more easily; tell me how it makes you feel when I kiss you; pull my hair a little when you do that.

One Monday, after spending the whole weekend away from him, he broke their own rule, and pulled the curtain around the bed so he could hug him again. This time, he managed to position Ennoshita's arm around his neck, giving him control over where his head was in a whole new way. He felt so safe, nuzzling into his shoulder, feeling him tense the still large muscles in his arm behind him, pulling him close.

His feelings overwhelmed him, and he confessed that he was in love with Ennoshita, quietly and without fanfare, whispering into his ear. To his delight, but not surprise, he said he felt the same.

Towards the end of September, the time they spent outside coincided with the golden hour, and Terushima felt like he was in a romantic comedy.

'My parents can't make it today. You don't have to rush off,' Ennoshita said, kissing against his ear.

'I still think I should probably leave at eight.'

'I don't.' He sucked his earlobe, nibbling it lightly. 'I think you should stay all night.'

'Stop it. I can't.' He started to move away.

'Are you hard?' He leaned into him, kissing his neck again.

'You know I am.' He didn't move or ask him to stop, even though he thought he perhaps should.

'Will you go home and touch yourself? Will you think about me while you do?' His voice was low, his speech punctuated by kisses down his neck.

'Yes. I might not even make it home.'

'How do you mean?' He moved to his ear, lowering his voice even further. 'Am I going to make you come in your pants? Right here?'

Terushima shivered, his resolve almost depleted. 'I might just go and find a quiet toilet again. Do it in there. I'll be thinking of you, though.'

'Again?'

'Yeah. That day when you were upset, weeks, months ago.' His eyelids were fluttering, as Ennoshita carried on nibbling down his throat, across his collarbones. 'You licked your lips, and it was... too much. I had to find a toilet on the way out of the hospital.'

'You wanked in the hospital? Thinking about me?' His lips found his mouth again, and Terushima was unable to resist any more. His tongue slid against Ennoshita's fervently, until they pulled apart, slightly breathless.

'If we don't stop now, there's going to be a problem.'

Ennoshita sighed, and said 'Let's go, then.'

Reluctantly, he flicked the brakes off, and started pushing him back inside. Hidden behind the wheelchair, he shifted himself in his underwear, still uncomfortably hard.

'We really need to get on top of this,' Terushima said quietly as he was leant down near him.

'I know. I'll do some research or something.' He made a wincing sound. 'Ooh. Sorry, can we just nip in there? I think there's something wrong with my catheter.'

'Let me get a nurse. I don't know what I'm doing.'

'No, it's fine, I know what to do, I can tell you. It won't take a second.'

He pushed him into the nearby disabled toilet, locked it, and started washing his hands. 'OK, what do I need to do?'

'Come over here.'

Terushima stepped in front of him, waiting nervously for what he expected him to do. He only knew the theory of catheters, and was hoping it was nothing too difficult. He looked around, and found a button to call for assistance.

'Shall I just press this?' His finger was nearly on the button, when Ennoshita shouted.

'No! Just, come a bit closer. Kiss me.'

As realisation dawned, he was a mixture of relieved and angry. 'What the hell? You can't just lie to me about stuff like this! I was really worried.'

'I know! I'm sorry, I'm just...desperate for you. Come on. You said yourself you wanked in a toilet before. That's all I'm saying. Do it now. Here. With me.'

'Chika...' he whined, struggling not to agree straight-away

'Do you have any idea how difficult it was to ask you that? Please?'

Terushima took a minute, sitting on the toilet seat, facing Ennoshita. He couldn't believe he was even considering doing what he asked, but there was a big part of him that was genuinely thinking this might be a solution to their problems. There was no way to do anything in his bed, curtains or no curtains, and he wasn't due to be discharged for months.

There were plenty of reasons not to do this; the setting was hardly romantic, they could be disturbed or get in trouble, and more than anything it seemed pretty selfish for only him to get any enjoyment from this. On the other hand, the itch was becoming too urgent not to scratch, and sharing something like this with Ennoshita, well, wasn't that what he was yearning to do? Even if the situation wasn't perfect?

Finally, he asked him, 'If we do this, what's in it for you?'

'Are you kidding? You're going to kiss me while you're doing it, for a start. Plus, being with me makes you this hard that you have to do this? That's...exciting. So is the thought of watching you, to be honest.'

Terushima made his decision; he stood up, and moved Ennoshita closer to the toilet, checking the position by bending his leg and measuring the distance. When he was satisfied, he put one arm around the back of Ennoshita's shoulders, and trapped the other underneath his bicep, so the rest of his arm was hooked around at the elbow. He dipped down and kissed him. 'Is this comfortable?' he asked.

Ennoshita nodded, rendered a little speechless by this sudden activity. He kissed back, closing his eyes, and pulling him in using the leverage of his hooked arm. Terushima moved the hand from behind him, slipping it inside his shirt, and searching for his nipple. He pinched it in his fingers, before pulling back and asking, 'Can you feel this?'

'Not really.'

'Shall I stop?'

'Put your arm back around me,' he asked, before going back to kissing him.

Terushima moved down his neck, nipping as he did. 'Try not to leave marks. It's hard to explain them away when I'm getting washed.'

'Sorry,' he said, laughing and licking up his neck with the flat of his tongue, Ennoshita shivering with the feel of his tongue stud as he did.

With that, Terushima braced one leg next to the wheel of the chair, pressing the inside of his leg against the outside of Ennoshita's knee. He bent his other leg, resting his foot on the toilet seat, and his knee on the seat of the chair showing between Ennoshita's knees. He was towering over him, and it was harder to reach the other's mouth, so he freed one arm, keeping the other around his shoulders to steady himself. He unbuttoned his shirt one-handedly, flinging it open, and pulling Ennoshita towards his chest.

He took one of Terushima's nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the nub, as it hardened beneath his attention. As he moved to the other nipple, Terushima used his free hand to open his flies, palming himself over his underwear with a groan. He saw Ennoshita look down, trying to see what he was doing, so he pushed his trousers down to his mid thigh, dragging down his underwear with them, to give Ennoshita a better view of his hard cock.

Ennoshita stopped sucking the nipple, and leant back to watch as Terushima took himself into his fist. He moved his other hand, guiding his two first fingers into Ennoshita's mouth. He immediately started to suckle on them without breaking eye contact with Terushima. The image of his fingers disappearing into his mouth, along with the dual sensation of the sucking and his hand stroking his erection was mingling in his mind, so much so he could almost believe it was Ennoshita's lips around him instead of his own hand.

He rubbed his thumb over the end, smearing the pre-cum down his shaft; he removed his fingers from Ennoshita's mouth, pulling his hair slightly to tip his head back so he could kiss him. He continued thrusting his hand over himself, twisting it as he did so, becoming so breathless he had to pull away from Ennoshita's kiss. He leant their foreheads together, speeding up the movement.

'I... love you,' he panted through the effort.

'I love you too. Are you close?' Terushima nodded, and closed his eyes. 'It's OK, you can come on me. I want you to.'

His pleading voice tipped him over the edge, and with a shudder, he released his load into Ennoshita's lap. He kissed him through his orgasm, nuzzling into him as he came down, murmuring, 'Yuuji. Was that good?'

He answered him by softly kissing him on the lips, then moving to his cheeks, forehead, and finishing by wrapping his arms around him again. 'I'm sorry I messed up your trousers.'

'It's OK, I've had worse bodily fluids on them recently.'

Terushima moved his shaking leg off the toilet so he was standing, and got some toilet roll, wetting it and using it to wipe down Ennoshita's lap. While he was making sure he'd done as good a job as possible, there was a loud knocking on the door. He quickly pulled up his trousers, giving himself a cursory wiping before tucking everything back in.

He double checked Ennoshita again, and himself in the mirror, before unlocking it and coming face to face with one of the nurses, smiling at them.

'Hi there. You two do know these toilets aren't soundproof, right?'

  


  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, the getting caught in the toilets bit was loosely based on something that happens in The Waterdance, which is a great film about someone who gets injured.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some clinical discussion here about catheters, urine, and dysreflexia. It's not too graphic, but just a heads up.
> 
> There's also a very mild scene with sexual undertones near the end, so if that would make you uncomfortable it starts after 'Terushima waits outside.' Again, it's not graphic at all.

Terushima felt so sick he couldn't speak, and walked back into the bathroom, leaving Ennoshita to deal with her.

'We're so sorry. We just got carried away.' He sounded a lot more calm than Terushima felt.

'You're not in trouble. Well, maybe a little bit.' She smiled at them. 'Look, you know that little office next to the day-room? Meet me in there in ten minutes. We'll have a chat, alright?'

They agreed, and Terushima locked the door again once she left, heart beating almost out of his chest.

'Fuck! What's she going to do?' he whirled around and asked Ennoshita.

'Relax, we haven't done anything wrong.'

'How are you so calm? This is awful! Aren't you embarrassed?'

'Why? It's only sex. Come here a minute, sit down.' He nodded towards the toilet in front of him.

Terushima sat on it, and tried to calm down. He had no idea why this wasn't bothering Ennoshita more. Surely they were going to tell his parents?

'Look, maybe it's cause I'm in here, and nothing is sacred. I get washed by nurses, piss into a bag, and... well let's just say this is the first toilet I've been near since April.'

'But they heard us!'

'So what! People have sex all the time. It's not like everyone in the hospital heard.'

He sighed. 'I guess. Why does she want to see us?'

'Now, that I don't know. Shall we find out?'

'I'm a bit scared to leave...'

'What are you expecting, a crowd of people waiting outside? Oh! Maybe they'll cheer for us?' He saw the look of horror on Terushima's face. 'I'm joking! Come on, let's face the music.'

–

Of course, there was no one waiting outside. There was no one in the ward, nudging each other and pointing as they entered. Not even the nurses looked up.

They went over to the little office, knocked, and she opened the door for them so they could go in.

'Park him up, and pop yourself over there, Yuuji, love.'

He settled Ennoshita into position, and sat on the sofa next to him, facing her as she sat on the other side of a coffee table. Looking around, he saw a few posters, and some leaflets he recognised the SIA logo printed on.

'I'm Rita, not sure if I've introduced myself properly. Chikara knows me already, of course.'

'Bit too well,' he muttered, still grinning.

'Now, then. No point beating around the bush. We've noticed you two getting closer over the weeks, obviously. Hard not to.'

Terushima and Ennoshita looked at each other sideways and smiled shyly.

She put her hands up in front of her. 'Don't get me wrong, it's lovely to see. But clearly, things have gone a bit further.'

'Are you going to tell our parents?' Terushima asked.

She just laughed. 'Of course not, you're both eighteen, that's nothing to do with us. You're not at school now.'

'I told you they wouldn't,' Ennoshita nudged him lightly with his elbow.

'But, we can't have you doing stuff like that. It's a public place, someone walking past heard you, and we knew it was you because... to be honest, one of you groaned the other one's name, and we worked it out. You can't be doing that in toilets, alright? No more.'

This time Terushima nudged him back. 'See?'

'Now, the reason I called you in here was to see what we could do about this. We can provide somewhere for a conjugal visit. It's a bit unusual, because usually it's for married couples, or at least people older than you both are. Then again, Chikara is one of our youngest patients, and it's clear that we need to provide you with somewhere you can go together.'

In his wildest imagination, he had never considered the answer to their problem to be just talking to a nurse. How could this be so simple?

'So where would this place be?' Ennoshita was asking.

'We have a room here, with a door that locks, and sound proofing on the walls. You need to book it, and obviously someone will have to help you get into the bed, it's not like you can just decide to go there on a whim. But you can use it for as long as you like, we only allow one booking a day. For cleaning purposes, I'm sure you understand.'

Terushima could tell his face was flushing, and he tried to remember what Ennoshita had said about having no shame in the hospital. He looked over, and he was just nodding, not phased by her candour at all. Would this ever become easier?

'Who do I ask about that?' Ennoshita carried on.

'Anyone on reception. Ask for the Guttman room. Is there anything else?' Rita asked.

'Well, a bit of help on how to go about doing it, maybe?'

With this, Terushima couldn't contain his surprise. 'God's sake!'

'What? There's leaflets on everything, they must have one on sex!'

'I've got one already, shut up. Let's talk about it back at your bed.' His face felt ridiculously warm, Ennoshita was just staring at him in disbelief.

'I think you two have a lot to talk about, so why don't you go and do that? If you need anything else, just ask, but I've got other things to deal with than horny teenagers.' She winked to show she didn't mean anything by it.

Terushima flicked off the brakes, and Rita held the door open for them, placing her hand on his back as he walked out; she smiled when he turned slightly, and then clicked the door shut behind them.

Ennoshita raised his voice as soon as they were away from the door. 'What do you mean, you've already got a leaflet? Why didn't you say anything?'

'Because I haven't looked at it properly yet.'

'Bring it in tomorrow, we can read it together.'

'It's in my bag,' Terushima sounded embarrassed to admit it. 'It's been there since I got it.'

Ennoshita huffed in frustration. 'Why didn't... you could... Yuuji!'

'I know, I know!' They'd arrived back at his bed, and two nurses were already there waiting for him. 'I'll go get a drink for us while you get back in bed, we can talk about it then.'

He went to fetch them a hot chocolate from the café ; it was a habit they'd picked up on the rare nights Ennoshita's parents didn't make it to visit, and he would hang around to keep him company a bit longer. There was little more comforting than a warm, sweet drink as they were bathed in the glow from his laptop.

Today he thought he needed more comforting than Ennoshita; he seemed to be taking everything in his stride, while Terushima was mortified at the idea of people hearing them, of knowing their private business, the shame of being offered a private room, like they needed some sort of love hotel or something. It was the fact they couldn't wait until he was out of hospital, he supposed; he didn't like the thought of being that 'horny teenager' Rita had joked about, lacking basic self-control.

While he was there, he picked up a small packet of two cinnamon biscuits, a small peace offering for not already mentioning the leaflet. He checked he actually still had it in his bag, and then grabbed a packet of shortcake as well, just in case.

In the ward, the lights were dimmed to the lower level, and he realised it was already nine. He had no idea it had got so late without the usual interruption of Toshi and Jin. He stopped by the reception desk, and gave the extra biscuits to Rita, apologising for being there so late, and asking her to let him stay and talk things through. She agreed, with the proviso that they draw the curtain around and talk quietly so as not to disturb everyone else.

Back at the bed, Ennoshita was already watching something on his laptop, headphones plugged in. He hadn't noticed Terushima yet, so he watched him, expressions changing, peering into the screen, and then giggling at something. He guessed it was a play-through of a video game; he'd been watching people playing new games he wasn't able to play himself, living vicariously through them. It was probably a survival horror game, he always laughed when the players shrieked at something jumping out at them.

He went over and put down the cups, pulled an ear-bud out, and softly said, 'Hey.'

'Hey you.' He leaned up expectantly, but Terushima just kissed his forehead. He tutted, but smiled, saying, 'Prude.'

Terushima stuck his tongue out at him, and pulled the curtain around the bed, just half of the way.

'Can I turn this off?' Ennoshita nodded, so he closed the laptop, and took the other ear-bud out, wrapping them around his hand before stowing them in their case on the table. He found a straw in the drawer, and put it in the cocoa, before offering it to Ennoshita. 'It's probably just right for drinking, here.'

They didn't say much as they finished them off, except for a quick, 'Thanks,' when he gave him one of the biscuits. When they were done, he pulled out the leaflet and put it on top of the laptop.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I haven't even looked at it properly myself.' He kept his voice low as promised.

'I'm just confused. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. You say you want to have sex, but then you got embarrassed, and you haven't read that leaflet, or told me about it. I don't understand why not, that's all.'

'It seems ridiculous to say this,' Terushima said, hesitantly, 'But I'm scared. I mean, I know you are too, but I didn't dare look at the leaflet, cause I...there was...God, I don't know how to put this. There's information in there about bowel care, and catheters, and... You told me before, you wanted to tell me stuff when it was time for me to know. I was trying to...respect you, I suppose?'

Ennoshita looked at him, furrowing his brow. 'I didn't expect that. That's...really thoughtful. I don't know why that surprises me, cause you are.' He nudged his arm over to touch him. 'I'm sorry I got sulky. That's a very good reason.'

He breathed a sigh of relief. 'I'm glad that made sense. It just felt wrong reading it, I want to hear it from _you_.'

'There's a lot I need to tell you now, I think. Things are getting...serious.' He stopped and looked down. 'The most important thing to tell you is that I'm a virgin. I've only ever kissed people, I've never gone...under clothes. It's only ever been boys. Keiji is probably the most serious, and that was just a few times.' He took a deep breath, and looked back up. 'So what I'm saying is, I have no idea what to expect anyway. I didn't know what it was like before. So I'm worried I'm going to be a disappoint-'

Terushima interrupted him by leaning forward, and kissing him hard on the mouth. In a soothing tone, he whispered, 'Whatever happens, happens. I want you just as you are.'

He swallowed. 'But you've had lovers before? You've gone beyond kissing, right?'

'Yes. With men and women. But that's got nothing to do with this. I never loved any of them. I love _you_ . You will never be a disappointment.' He started stroking his shoulder, massaging the flesh in his palm. 'Today, even with all the weird crap afterwards, it was incredible. Just imagine what it's going to be like when we have a room to ourselves, which we're allowed to use without having to rush, or hide.'

Ennoshita closed his eyes, turning his head to brush against the back of his hand. 'It'll be even better. You're right. We should have waited...'

'No, I don't regret it! If we'd never done that, I don't think we would have had that talk with Rita, and we wouldn't even know about that room. It all worked out. I just think we should...do stuff to see what works, and read this,' he picked up the leaflet again, 'If we need extra help after that. But let's try it ourselves first.'

'There's still things we need to talk about. You need to understand some of what's in that leaflet.' He paused again, and looked down. 'You're going to see me naked. I need to prepare you.'

He started stroking his hair. 'I'm going to love your body. Please don't worry about that. Let's have a longer chat tomorrow, in the garden, and you can tell me the things you think I need to know, and then we'll book that room, and prepare for it. And even if we end up just hugging, just like we do here but on a different bed, at least we'll be somewhere quiet.

'I'm not sure what I did to deserve you.'

'I'm punishment for something terrible you did during childhood, I expect.' He stood up, and picked up the leaflet, putting it back into his bag. 'I'm leaving now, my love. I've had a wonderful, tremendously strange and stressful time, thank you.'

He kissed him, savouring the chocolate on his breath, the warmth of his mouth, and the breathy whisper against his lips of, 'I love you, too.'

–

The next day, they talk, for about an hour; It's difficult to get started, but then even harder to stop.

He explains what he is most worried about, and once Terushima knows, he understands all the hesitancy. He had a rudimentary understanding of catheters, but he had no idea there were different types; Ennoshita's comes straight out of his bladder, through a hole in his stomach. He has to be careful not to get it accidentally tugged, because it's sensitive, and sometimes his clothing shifts due to spasms. He then explains they'll come back to those...

When the catheter gets tugged it can cause dysreflexia. He'll come back to that as well...

So many things get put on the back burner as they talk, he's sure they must forget to come back to something by the end of it.

Ennoshita is concerned that the tube coming out of his stomach, and into a bag of urine strapped to his leg, is too weird, so he reassures him. He's worried that the occasional leaking of urine from his penis is disgusting, so he reassures him again. Falteringly, he says he's worried his body is shaped weirdly, his muscles degrading without use, and Terushima reassures him for a third time.

He feels guilty for not having his own body image issues he can share, but he's always been active, and walks a lot with his job, he knows he's in good shape. Ennoshita tells him as much, but then he's comparing their bodies, saying his used to be better, and it can be again, and Terushima tries to stop the comparisons, because it can't be a good thing.

So, he traces his cheekbone, and talks of his strong jawline. His hand moves to his mouth, thumb stroking his bottom lip, and he tells him how soft they are, how pliant under his own. He squeezes his biceps, which are still strong, and tells him how good they feel when they're tensed around him, pulling him in and holding him fast.

He thinks Ennoshita is trembling under the praise, but then he realises it's muscle twitching, and they take the opportunity to talk about muscle spasms; it's not serious, just his legs jump sometimes, occasionally sending him off balance.

But then it gets serious; they talk about dysreflexia, and Terushima can't be light any more. He's terrified. There's something that might happen to Ennoshita, and it might kill him if he doesn't act fast enough. There are pills he needs, kept in a small pouch attached to his wheelchair, and he's never memorised something as diligently as their position. He asks how to prevent it, and Ennoshita shrugs, and says it only happens if his body overreacts to something; Terushima breathes a sigh of relief, until he realises how vague that is, and asks for examples, and hearing full bladder or tight clothing among them, just starts to panic again.

It's Ennoshita's turn to be reassuring, saying it hardly ever happens, and if it does there's time to react, but he's still suspicious, and writes the name of it down to research for himself later.

He also writes down 'supra pubic' so he can look up the kind of catheter he has. Neither of them really knows how any of these words are spelled, Ennoshita has only ever heard them in his therapy sessions.

The mention of them leads them into talking about his therapists; there are a few of them, for different needs, from physical, to mental, to medical, to practical. His favourite is his physiotherapist, Gill, who is enthusiastic but realistic. The first session, she told him he'd probably never walk, so they weren't going to waste time on his legs when they could be strengthening his arms more. He'd been shocked, but determined, and Gill says she wants to try him with a wheelchair like Mark's, as she thinks he has enough arm control to manage it.

After they're both exhausted from talking, they just hold each other, until there are spots of fine Autumn rain dropping onto them from the leaves of the willow they're hiding under. When they go inside, they stop at the nurse's desk, and book the Guttman room for the next time they can, two days later.

They don't use the time as they expected, not the first time.

Terushima waits outside, while a nurse gets Ennoshita onto the bed. It's slightly wider than the ones in the ward. She comes out, tells him he's ready, and with trepidation he goes in, locking the door. The lights are bright, because it's a hospital, so he turns them off, making it too dark. Ennoshita laughs nervously, saying it's probably not a good idea to be in the dark when there's so much that can go wrong; he turns them back on, and pulls the curtain around the bed instead, which blocks some of it out.

He's on his back, flatter than usual, a white sheet pulled up to his chest. His naked arms rest on top of it, and he can see his shoulders for the first time, milky white, a few visible moles.

Terushima pulls his own shirt off over his head, and sits gently on the bed. The nurse told them it's not an air filled mattress, which makes sense after he was told off for even sitting on the one on the ward, let alone what they could be doing on this one.

Ennoshita looks at him, eyes travelling down his chest; it's not the first time he's seen it, of course, but this is less hurried, and he allows him to look for as long he wishes.

'May I?' he asks, holding the sheet, and when Ennoshita nods, he folds it down a little so he can see his chest as well. It's less defined than his own, but still lean, and he can see he has moles and freckles dotted over the rest of him as well. He gets a proper look at his arms; he's felt their strength around him, but now he can see them, muscle still well developed, a souvenir from his time on the team.

He carries on folding down the sheet, until he reaches his waist, and then Ennoshita holds his breath; Terushima stops here, knowing the catheter is just below his navel, and moves his hands up the sides of his body, and runs them down his arms.

'Can I lie down?'

'Yes, please.' His voice is unsteady, waiting for his appraisal.

Terushima lowers himself onto the bed next to him, snaking his left arm underneath his neck, and laying his right across his chest. Their skin is in contact for the first time, and although Ennoshita is cold, he's so unbelievably soft; when he holds his hand, his fingers are always hard as well as cold, and he was wondering if he would feel more like a statue. Now that seems ludicrous, because he has the softest skin he's ever felt beneath his fingertips, and he can't stop moving them along it.

His right hand makes its way under Ennoshita, who holds his left arm up to lever it around his neck. Terushima leans on his left elbow to hold himself off him, scared to crush him, and just looks into his face; his eyes are heavy lidded, damp with emotion, his lips parted in anticipation.

The kiss is gentle, lips barely pressing together. They both smile, and go in for a second one, just as tender, before he just presses their bodies against each other instead. Ennoshita's arm around his neck is so strong, holding him so close and so tight that he can't lift his head, even if he wants to.

After a couple of minutes, he leans back up on his elbow, and looks down again, before moving away from him. Ennoshita looks confused.

'I'm just going to take these off, alright?' he says, unbuckling his belt. Ennoshita watches him undo the buttons on his fly, and he pushes his jeans onto the floor. He chose his plainest, newest underwear, a pair of light grey boxer briefs.

'I don't want to ruin the moment, so I'm just going to quickly say – my bag is hanging off that side of the bed on a stand.' He tilts his head to his left, and Terushima dips to kiss him, thanking him for the warning, and letting him know he didn't ruin anything.

'I'm going to take off my underwear, and get in.' Still watching him, Ennoshita unconsciously licks his lips, and Terushima's cock twitches as it's released. He's half hard, but he pushes it down, almost with irritation.

He lifts the sheet, without looking, and slides in next to Ennoshita. He can feel his legs jump slightly as he wraps his around them.

'It's just a spasm, don't worry,' Ennoshita says, and Terushima nods, wrapping his arms back around him as they were before.

'I've got my legs around them. I'll hold them still.'

Ennoshita laughs and kisses him, and it's incredible, feeling so much soft skin against him. He can feel the hair on Ennoshita's legs under his foot as he shifts to stay comfortable, while trying to get leverage to kiss into him more deeply.

As he kisses him, his hands begin to move over his chest again. He moves from his mouth, his tongue running along the collar bone, and Ennoshita leans his head slightly to give him better access. The muscle down his neck is pulled taught, and it looks so powerful he can't stop himself from biting it. Ennoshita gasps at the sudden change in mood, and bites back wherever he can reach.

Terushima can't help his hips rolling into Ennoshita; he has a leg either side of Ennoshita's thigh, and his cock is hardening with the friction, and the soft, wet lips roaming his body, the even softer skin beneath him, pressing into him.

Suddenly, Ennoshita tells him to stop, and he immediately stills, moving away as far as he can as quickly as possible.

'Are you OK? What do you need?' he frantically says.

'I think my catheter is being pulled, hang on.' Terushima moves his arms from under Ennoshita, unwraps his legs.

'Do you want me to check?'

'I think you're going to have to.' He smiles; this wasn't the way he wanted this to go, and Terushima feels culpable. 'It's not your fault, before you start thinking it is.'

Terushima holds the sheet again, like he did before, and again asks for permission. Ennoshita is more reluctant, but still nods. He folds it down, in one swift movement, like ripping off a plaster.

He doesn't rake his eyes over his boyfriend's naked body, just immediately assesses the situation. He can see Ennoshita's leg has jumped with a spasm on top of the catheter tube, and this is what's causing the problems. He softly moves the tube out from under his leg, coiling it next to his body on the bed.

He looks back up at Ennoshita, and says, 'Is that alright, now?'

Ennoshita is still looking at him apprehensively. 'Give it a minute.' There's an unspoken question in his eyes.

Terushima lowers himself so he can kiss him, and then stays leaning above him. 'You're gorgeous. Your body is perfect, absolutely perfect.'

He's not lying, not even a white lie. There's a tube coming out of his stomach, but the hole is healed, and it's no more disgusting than his own pierced tongue. The pipe going to the bag is filled with liquid the same colour as his own urine. His penis is just a penis, like every other one he's ever seen.

His legs, although thinner, are still thick at the thigh from all the receiving during matches, and there's a part of him that wants to straddle one again, even though he knows this is not the time.

His tummy is soft, and he absent-mindedly touches it; it trembles, as his leg is spasming again, and the layer of fat ripples, making him smile.

He looks up, and Ennoshita is smiling too. 'What are you up to?' he asks him fondly.

'Your skin is so soft and pale. It's beautiful.' He bends and kisses his stomach.

Ennoshita giggles. 'I can't feel that, you know.'

'I don't care. I can.' And he kisses it again.

'Come back here.'

He wraps himself back around him, and they stay like that, kissing, talking, murmuring, until Ennoshita falls asleep in his arms. He doesn't wake him until he's sure it must be about ten, and he starts getting concerned about how long he's been lying in the same place.

He dresses, and covers Ennoshita back over, kissing him goodnight. He apologises, needlessly, for falling asleep, and Terushima just tells him to shut up, and kisses him again.

He buzzes for a nurse to come, and goes home, where he falls asleep thinking of Ennoshita's soft stomach under his nose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in The Waterdance, the film I mentioned before, there is a room for private use of the patients. The film is set in America, and I never really thought about that fact, until I was researching and realised there aren't really conjugal visit rooms at spinal units here. I'm guessing it's because there aren't enough rooms generally to have one just for sex. So, I don't really know what happens in spinal units re sex education, and Ian can't remember. He seems to think they didn't talk to him about sex at all, as he was only 16. So anyway, the Guttman room (named after the man who started the Paralympic games at Stoke Mandeville) isn't a real thing, but it totally should be!
> 
> \--
> 
> I used a part of a quote from Andrew Morrison-Gurza when Terushima and Ennoshita are talking about their expectations during sex. Here is the quote in full.  
> “I remember that I was becoming increasingly concerned with what role I should play, still worried that he would come to the realization that I wasn’t his power top and stop the fun. To preempt this, I started going over the gritty logistics at the worst possible time. He stopped me in mid-stutter with a hard kiss on the mouth and soothingly told me whatever happens, happens. In that moment I was freed. My queer and crippled identities came together and I was no longer bound to the sexual edicts forcing me to pick a position to play. He knew sex with me could not conform to what he had expected—and that was what made it one of the hottest sexual experiences I’ve ever had. My crippled comforts were desired just as they were—no conditions applied.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's the chapter where everyone turns up!
> 
>  
> 
> If you usually read on Fridays, be sure you've read 13 which was updated during the week

October crept up on everyone, like it seems to every year, and people started discussing how long it was until Christmas.

All the third years had moved on, either to university, or into work. Akaashi had got himself a place at the same university as Bokuto, and had moved into a shared house with him and two other students instead of halls of residence. He Skyped them the first week from his home, but then realised he could be doing it from the hospital with Ennoshita, and after that it became a regular four-way chat with the laptop set up in the day-room

Terushima also still had a long standing group chat with Bobata and Futamata, which had started when they all first got their Smartphones and had never finished. He would usually catch up with them in the evening after leaving the hospital, before they went out to spend their student loans. They would tell him about their exploits, still trying to make him jealous of their party lifestyle, making noises of sympathy when he told them about his job and having to get up every day at six, and then visiting the hospital every day, and, Rather you than me, pal.

If they thought visiting the hospital every day was a chore, they couldn't have been more wrong. The level of familiarity he had with Ennoshita and his surroundings was such that it was just like coming home after work. He knew where everything in the ward was, and everyone's routines, just as well as he knew his own. Some days, they didn't even talk much; he read a book, while Ennoshita used the new dictation software he installed on the laptop to write his script. Occasionally, he needed something, but the silence was companionable.

The patient who moved into Mark's bed had become more talkative, and Terushima remembered how Ennoshita had come out of his shell at about the same point in his stay. His name was Pete, he was in his twenties, and his injury had happened while falling off a horse on a stag weekend. There wasn't a connection as strong as the one he'd had with Mark, but Terushima often found them both talking, Ennoshita giving advice on little things Pete was struggling with.

The hardest part was definitely the weekends, when he would let other people take their time with him. Every Saturday, Tanaka and Noya, who hadn't gone away to university, took it in turns to drive some of the third years to see him; Hinata made the most effort, but everyone else would see him at some point during the month, even Daichi and Suga when they were home visiting their parents.

Terushima used the time to catch up on sleep, and occasionally go for a drink or to the cinema with another postman called James. He was friendly, and kind, if a little clumsy, and their cubby holes were next to each other. They started talking one day, and when they realised they both wanted to see a new film release, and had no one else who wanted to go, they arranged to go together, and just hit it off.

Behind the scenes, Terushima was keeping up with developments for the volleyball match. He'd booked the minibus as he was asked, along with David again, and had just told Ennoshita they were going to watch a Karasuno match. This was enough for Ennoshita anyway, who cried a little at getting to watch his team play again.

He made it his personal goal to use an electric wheelchair he could move himself to watch the game, and pushed himself in his physio sessions, hopeful things would click in to place. Unfortunately, it was too frustrating and more difficult than he'd imagined, and even though he didn't give up (Gill wouldn't let him), he decided he just couldn't master it in time. Terushima knew he wanted to be able to steer his own wheelchair for the independence, so he didn't tell him he liked pushing him because it meant he got to be near him all the time, it seemed selfish.

They also booked the Guttman room a couple more times, but somehow knowing it was there made them both feel less desperate. It wasn't a bad thing, just an extension of their developing closeness; the passion was concentrated into the allotted time, another part of their routine being fitted in. When they spent time in there together, it was warm, and loving, unhurried, and comforting; but they went no further than they already had, sticking to hugging, kissing and Terushima bringing himself to orgasm. Even then he felt selfish, like he was the only one getting pleasure, but Ennoshita reminded him of how much he liked seeing Terushima's enjoyment.

October crept away again just as quickly as it had arrived, swept up with the fake cobwebs from shop windows once November rolled around.

–

'I'm so nervous,' was all Ennoshita seemed to be able to say.

'Is there any point in me telling you it's going to be fine?' He squeezed his hand as they sat in the back of the minibus.

'Probably not. I'm going to just try and stay out of the way, hope no one notices me.'

Fat chance of that happening, Terushima thought. As they were on the way to an exhibition match in his honour, he thought it very likely people would be doing the opposite of ignoring him. He hoped he hadn't miscalculated and wasn't somehow leading Ennoshita into his worst nightmare.

'Be nice to see your team again though?'

'Oh yeah, course. Tanaka and Noya are coming as well, so that's cool.'

Terushima smiled to himself; Noya had let slip he would be at the match, spoiling that part of the surprise, but thankfully had stopped himself before saying any more.

'I haven't seen a match in months either. In fact, I don't think I've seen Karasuno actually play, only when we played against you that time.'

Ennoshita laughed. 'Oh yeah! I can probably be honest about this now, but I thought you were a complete twat that day.'

'What? Why?'

'You were all over the bloody place, and so _loud_. But the most frustrating thing was you were actually pretty good at volleyball, and you just seemed to...throw it away by not thinking enough. And then you were all over Kiyoko. Our whole team hated you.'

'Oh. Thanks.'

He laughed again. 'Sorry. What is it, though? Is it like an on-court persona or something?'

'Nah. I actually changed a lot after that match. Hana gave me a good talking to about being the captain and having to be a good example to the younger ones, so I put more effort in. Tried to be more like Daichi, if I'm honest.'

'Huh. Well, you could do a lot worse than wanting to be like him. I was really jealous of him. No, actually, I hated him a bit for not putting me in the starting team. But then I was subbed in during a match when he was injured, and I realised how hard it is to be the one people rely on.'

'I always heard you were a great captain, you know. From other teams.'

'That's good to know.' Ennoshita looked at him sideways with a smirk. 'I always heard you were a playboy. Working your way through the teams.' He lowered his voice. 'Made me want to play against your team again, so I could see for myself...'

'Even though you thought I was a twat?'

'A sexy twat. Who was apparently very, very good at certain...things.' He raised his eyebrows.

'Save it for later,' he said, leaning forward and pecking his cheek, 'I booked the room.'

–

'Fucking hell.'

'This wasn't my idea. I didn't even know about this bit.'

As they pulled up at the school, what looked like the entire school was standing in the car park, with an enormous banner strung across the front of the school saying, 'Welcome Back Chikara'.

David looked in the rear view mirror at them and smiled. 'Well, that's a new one on me.' He parked up, and got out to open up the back of the van.

'Are you alright?' he asked Ennoshita as they waited.

'What's going on?'

'It's not just a match. I'll let them tell you though. But you're OK?'

Ennoshita nodded without speaking, still looking of the window. Terushima got out, and looked for Hinata while he waited for David to get him out of the bus.

He eventually saw him and waved; it had been a while since he'd seen him, and he'd grown about a foot taller in that time. His hair was still just as bright, but longer than it had been, curling around his collar. The rest of the team stood nearby, all in their uniforms; as there were five years worth of players, there were a few he didn't recognise, and a few people all wearing the same number. He spotted Tsukishima, mainly because he was towering even further over everybody these days, and was delighted to see Suga and Daichi also there, holding hands.

David pushed Ennoshita over, and passed the pager to Terushima, telling him he'd wait in the bus in the car park. Terushima invited him to come and watch, but he thanked him and declined, saying he had work to do while he was there.

Ennoshita still looked to be in a state of shock, even paler than usual. As Terushima leant down, pretending there was something he needed to check, he whispered to him. 'If you're not OK, we can go.'

'No,' he said, seeming to come out of himself. 'It's fine.' He smiled, weakly.

'If you want to go home, any time, just ask.'

Ennoshita just nodded, saying nothing as Terushima took hold of the handles, and started pushing him towards his old team.

Somehow, everyone seemed to sense that Ennoshita was unsure about what was going on, and even Hinata was more quiet than usual as he said, 'Surprise!'

'What _is_ all this?' Ennoshita was still looking from face to face and to the sign, eyes wide with panic.

'It's not a match. It's for you. We wanted to help, so...' He shrugged behind him at the rest of the team.

Daichi stepped forward, taking things into his sensible hands, seeming to know what he needed to say. 'We sold tickets, and the proceeds are yours. To get your own van.'

'What? I don't...' He looked at Terushima, still in a daze, as if he didn't understand what was happening.

'It's OK, love,' he said putting a hand on his shoulder, 'It's a fundraising match. So that you can get a bus like this for when you're at home.' He looked back up at the team. 'They organised it for you. There's more people inside, Fukurodani are here.'

Noya jumped up from the crowd. 'We're here! Tanaka and Narita and Kinoshita, we all came home! And Asahi's inside! And Kenji.'

'Noya, shut up!' Tanaka pulled him back into the crowd, a hand over his mouth.

Terushima hadn't taken his eyes off Ennoshita, who was still staring. 'Chika? You alright?'

'I don't believe it,' he said, and then burst into tears.

'Are these good or bad tears?' Daichi sounded concerned.

'Good tears. I can't believe you did all this!'

'You haven't seen everything yet! Come inside!' Hinata moved behind him, and began pushing him into the building, most of them following on.

Daichi and Suga hung back, flanking Terushima, and they walked in at the back of the crowd. 'Thanks for bringing him along,' Suga said, pushing his hair behind an ear. 'You think he'll be alright? He seemed a bit freaked out.'

'Yeah, I'm sure he'll be fine. His parents are coming in a bit.'

'We were going to do a cheque presentation later on,' Daichi said, 'If you don't think it'll be too much?'

'I think you should ask him, really. I know it might ruin the surprise, but it's up to him, what he does.'

'Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll talk to him,' said Suga. They arrived at the changing rooms. 'Me and Dai need to go and sort out the team and get ready for the match. We'll let you go and see what else is going on. Gymnasium's just through that door.' He pointed to a set of large double doors, but he'd have known that was where he was going anyway, there was so much noise coming from the other side.

They waved as they went into the changing room, and the corridor was filled with even more noise for a second when the door was opened; he didn't like to think how many people were in there all trying to get ready, so instead he took a deep breath and walked into the gym.

–

'This is _ridiculous_!' Ennoshita said when he finally found him sitting at a table, Akaashi standing protectively next to him hands behind his back. There was a half-empty plate of sushi in front of him, so Terushima picked up a piece of maki; he offered it to him, but he shook his head, so he ate it himself, and sat down.

It was easy to see what Ennoshita meant, it really was quite ridiculous how much was packed into the room. In the middle, was the actual court, which was currently hosting what appeared to be an eleven against fifteen match. He spotted players from about eight different teams from the region, including the other team captains from his year.

When he didn't see Shirabu, he asked Akaashi; Shiratorizawa hadn't been able to make it at the last minute, which was also why there was such a chaotic match being played. Tendou was supposed to be giving a trick shot demonstration at this point, and when everyone realised there was no entertainment, they all just decided to play an impromptu match.

Around one side of the court were tables, one with Karasuno mementos such as keyrings and t-shirts on sale, another with raffle tickets, the main prize a volleyball signed by Ushijima, now a successful player for the Japanese team. The raffle had been organised by Shiratorizawa, so Oikawa had stepped in at the last minute to help out, since his knee was playing up and he couldn't play in the match, and was running the stall along with Iwaizumi.

The other side, where they were sitting, was also crowded with tables, all filled with friends and family being served sushi by Saeko, and a team comprised of what looked like some of the managers of the other teams.

Along the back of the room was the stage, and in front a line of tables, covered in bottles and glasses, with Takinoue and Shimada from the neighbourhood association, as well as Bokuto, standing behind it, serving drinks to people.

'Would you like me to fetch a drink?' Akaashi asked them both. Terushima said he'd go, but Akaashi insisted he sit down and let him go for them. He suspected it might be because he wanted to check on Bokuto.

Terushima looked at Ennoshita, and took his hand under the table. 'Hey, you alright?'

'Yeah, just a bit...overwhelmed. It's so. Weird. Plus, I feel so rude not talking to everyone, it's like at a wedding or something! Akaashi suggested we stay in one place, and make people come to me.'

'I think he had the right idea.' He took some more of the sushi, and as if on cue, someone came over to talk to Ennoshita.

He looked around, leaving Ennoshita to talk, and waved as he spotted Runa walking around with a tray of sushi. She ran over, so he stood to hug her, and they both expressed how much they'd missed each other. Terushima was so glad someone had contacted Johzenji and got their team manager involved. He thanked her for helping out, and then let her go and serve the sushi.

This carried on for about an hour. Small interruptions from an endless parade of people coming to wish Ennoshita well, tell him he was missed, thank Terushima for watching out for him so much. Akaashi brought them drinks and hung around for a little while, watching as Bokuto hugged them both for much longer than strictly necessary; then they both returned to their jobs, Bokuto to the bar, and Akaashi recording the event in photographs.

At just after one, Toshi and Jin arrived; Terushima enjoyed the look on Ennoshita's face, until he spotted his own parents walking in behind them. Once all the hugging and teenage complaining was out of the way, it turned out Toshi had invited them along as a surprise. They crowded around the table, sampling more sushi, and talking like old friends.

Ennoshita nudged him to get his attention, and gestured his head back towards the nearest door. Terushima took his cue, and excused them, making his way past people as quickly as they could, and out into the corridor. He found a bench near a set of lockers, parked the chair next to it, and sat down.

'Everything alright?'

'Yeah. Just getting too much. I needed a second alone.'

'It really is a lot, isn't it? Did you see Suga?'

Ennoshita nodded. 'Yeah, he asked me about a presentation. I said yes, but only if you come with me on stage.'

'Course I'll come, but it's you and your parents they want.'

'And I want you, so I'm being a diva about it.' He pouted and pretended to flick his hair, and they both laughed. 'We'd better go back before they think we're doing something else.'

'I told you,' He stood up and kissed his forehead. 'I'm not having sex in any more toilets with you.'

–

The actual match was as chaotic as the earlier one, and it was a testament to Daichi's organisational skills that it even started, let alone went on for three sets. The Fukurodani team wasn't the issue, as there weren't as many players there from the school; the problem was that everyone from Karasuno wanted a chance to play, and Daichi's insistence on only having the regulation amount of substitutions was met with jeers of disapproval.

In the end, it was agreed that the whole team could be changed at the end of each set, if either team desired it. Daichi chose very fairly, mixing the years up to make even teams, although he still paired up Hinata and Kageyama to save being set upon by a certain ginger player, who was not so tiny any more.

Despite working, Bokuto and Akaashi took centre stage for the third set, after leaving it to their successors for the other two. They seemed to work even better as a pair since playing together at university, and at the end of the set, Bokuto almost certainly spiked a ball out of bounds on purpose so that Karasuno won the match, two sets to one. He picked up Akaashi, and twirled him into a kiss anyway, and Daichi ran off court to find Suga to grab him for their own moment.

While all the players showered, Yacchi went up onto stage, and nervously asked everybody to face her. Akaashi stood by the front, photographing the stage as well as the crowd. Oikawa then took the microphone, and drew the winning raffle tickets, describing each prize with such hyperbole, that in the end Iwaizumi cracked and shouted, 'It's just a shitty t-shirt, Tooru!' before throwing it at him to give to the winner.

Daichi and the team returned, followed by Coach Ukai carrying a ramp which he leaned against the stage. Daichi went up, along with Tanaka, and they requested that Ennoshita join them; Terushima squeezed his arm reassuringly, and pushed him up in front of the crowd next to his team mates, before stepping back a little into the shadow of the stage curtains.

Daichi tapped the microphone and started speaking into it, while reading from a small card in his other hand.

'Hello, everyone. I'm sure you all know why we're here, but if you don't, we're here for Chikara. He's our good friend who broke his neck playing volleyball in this gymnasium. As you can see, he's up and about now, but it was the worst day of all our lives.'

He looked over at Ennoshita, who was looking at his lap. Terushima stepped a bit closer, so he could crouch next to him and rest a hand on his shoulder.

'He's been in hospital since April, but he's going to be coming out soon. His parents,' he stopped and looked out into the crowd, 'I think Suga has gone to fetch them. Anyway, his parents bought a bungalow close to the hospital so they could be near him, but their car isn't right for him to travel in. So we decided to hold this event to raise some money to help them to buy a van. I don't think we've raised enough to cover the whole cost, but we hope it'll help in some way. Also, as that means we'll own part of the van, you have to use it to come visit us.' He looked over expectantly smiling at Ennoshita, who smiled back and nodded, still looking down.

'While Suga is finding Toshi, we all just wanted to say thank you to Yuuji as well.' Terushima's head shot up, and he shook it at Daichi, as if telling him not to carry on. Daichi ignored him. 'He was there working on the day we all arrived with Chikara, and, even though we didn't have the best start with him,' he looked over and winked, 'He's been there ever since, watching out for him while we can't.'

It was Terushima's turn to look at the floor, although Ennoshita had raised his head and was looking up at him now.

'I'm not sure why he looks so mortified. It's all true. Anyway, thanks Yuuji, and I hope once Chikara is out, you'll let him still see us once in a while.'

'He's not the boss of me.' It was the first thing Ennoshita had said since he got on the stage, and predictably, he was teasing him.

By this time, Suga had led Toshi and Jin onto the stage, and they were standing nearby, nodding and clapping Terushima on the back. Suga passed a red envelope to Daichi, and stood by him, hands clasped in front of him.

'OK, so let's leave him alone now, before he kills me. There might be more money to count later, but for now this envelope has the current total we've managed to raise. Before I tell you all, I want to thank the following people.' He proceeded to thank everyone individually who had donated things for the event, like the food, drinks, and merchandise, and then thanked everyone who had travelled from far away, and everyone who had bought tickets. As he started individually naming all the Karasuno team, Tanaka snapped at him, and he said he'd move on.

'So,' he started, ripping the envelope open, 'The final total so far, is...three thousand, four hundred and twenty pounds! Are you sure, Suga? That seems a lot higher than I thought.' He turned and Suga mumbled something to him. 'Oh! It seems we had a very large donation from someone who wants to remain anonymous. Well, if you're here, thank you.'

Terushima looked at Ennoshita and his parents, who were overcome by the generosity, Toshi leaning on Jin's shoulder tearfully, and Ennoshita mouthing thank yous in Daichi's direction. He also caught Suga whispering something that sounded a lot like 'Ushijima' at someone else on the stage.

'One last thing, before we let you go, Chikara. I don't know whether you noticed, but no one playing was wearing the number six for Karasuno. We've...decided to retire it, in your honour.' Asahi and Noya then came on stage, carrying a framed number six jersey; as they brought it over to show Ennoshita, he could see it was surrounded by messages of support from the team.

Ennoshita's eyes were wet, and he refused the microphone Daichi offered to him, asking if he wanted to say anything. 'I'm sorry, I can't,' he said, too quietly for the microphone to pick it up. His parents also refused, so without missing a beat, Tanaka snatched the microphone, and told everyone the bar was going to reopen, and they still had plenty of booze left and the use of the gym for another hour.

Everyone left the stage to applause, and Terushima was met by his parents at the bottom of the ramp, his Mother hugging them both in turn, while his Father smiled behind her.

'What a wonderful event! Your friends are really something,' she said to Ennoshita.

'I have such amazing people in my life.' His eyes drifted to Terushima as he spoke, sharing a grin.

There was a crowd gathering near him, waiting to talk to him, so Terushima suggested they all move back to a table where they could sit; everyone was so tall, it looked difficult for Ennoshita to keep craning his neck, and he figured it might feel oppressive being so much shorter. He suddenly realised why Yacchi must be so scared of them all, and smiled to himself.

Terushima put a hand on his shoulder, and moved away from the table, leaving him to talk to everyone. He went to speak to Runa for a while while she served, and then found some of the other Johzenji players near the bar, trying to convince Shimada they were eighteen.

He caught up with Bokuto, trying to arm-wrestle Kuroo for some reason, so the three of them started a mini tournament, dragging in all the usual suspects. Just as Asahi was starting to push down Konegawa's arm, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and Noya was there.

'Chikara's asking for you. Not urgent he said.'

Terushima said goodbye to everyone, telling them to get his number off Bokuto if they wanted to keep in touch. He followed Noya, to where Ennoshita was still sitting at the table surrounded by most of his old team, looking exhausted; as he saw him walking back, his face immediately brightened, with relief more than anything.

'Hey,' he said, bending down to kiss his temple. 'You ready to leave?'

Ennoshita nodded. 'Yeah, I'm knackered.'

'Yeah, it's been four hours, you ready to lie down?' Ennoshita nodded again. He looked at the rest of the table, who were all smiling at them. 'What?'

Suga grinned. 'Nothing. You're just adorable.'

Terushima could feel himself blushing again, but Ennoshita was already talking, his voice a bit wobbly from the almost empty beer he spotted in front of him on the table. 'See? I _told_ you!' He turned to Terushima. 'I told them you'd know what was wrong.'

The rest of the team laughed. 'His exact words were, I can only stay up four hours, he'll know that's it as soon as he sees the time,' said Daichi.

'Yeah, I always know, said Terushima, 'Like, now you're a bit tipsy, and you'll get dizzy in a minute and feel sick. So let's get you back to the hospital.'

'He always knows,' he said, proudly, nodding.

'How much have you had?'

'This is the second one. It's not my fault though! People kept pouring it in my mouth. What am I meant to do?'

'Say no, maybe?' He ruffled his hair. 'Please don't be sick in the bus, honey.'

Tanaka made a retching noise. 'We're the only ones going to be sick if you carry on being so nauseating.'

Terushima laughed, and took his brakes off, reversing him away from the table so he could say goodbye to everyone properly. It took about another ten minutes to get out of the gym, people stopping them every few steps for a final hug, well wishing, good luck. Ennoshita hid his drunkenness well, only slurring a little bit, but it was so loud no one seemed to notice, or if they did, they didn't care.

There were a few smokers outside the door, including Coach Ukai, who also seemed to have been celebrating the win himself. He was embarrassingly nice to them both, and Terushima wondered if Ennoshita would remember any of this the next day; he'd certainly never forget such lovely sentiments, and he would tell him if he'd forgotten.

David took over, getting him into the van and belted in, although Terushima tried to notice the steps he took so he could try and help next time. The thought occurred to him that once Ennoshita got a van of his own, he might be allowed to drive it, and felt a sudden giddiness of being able to be alone with Ennoshita somewhere other than the hospital; a restaurant perhaps, or the cinema, he knew he'd like that, he hadn't seen anything new for months. He was woken up from his reverie by David slamming the back door of the bus, and telling him to stop daydreaming and get in.

The whole journey back, Terushima leant over and held up Ennoshita's head under the chin to stop it lolling as he dozed off; he didn't want him to wake up with a stiff neck. At one point, he started licking his hand, trying to suck his fingers, and had to be told to behave, but otherwise he was half asleep for the entire hour.

He contemplated not using the booked room, but in the end he decided to take him there, just so they could sleep in the same bed for a couple of hours.

  
  


 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're avoiding reading sex, stop reading from 'Once he was settled'

The alcohol wore off while they slept, and at eight Ennoshita woke up, asking for water. Terushima went to fetch some, and the nurse asked him if they were finished with the room. He thought about saying yes, but then decided to keep it a bit longer.

Ennoshita smiled when he got back, apologised for being drunk and falling asleep; Terushima suggested he apologise for licking his hand instead, laughing at his embarrassment.

'I hate to ask, but how long have I been here?'

'About two hours.'

'I'd better go onto my side. Can you get a nurse?'

'Yeah, but listen. Can I watch what she does? I've been thinking. I want to be more involved in this stuff. Not all the medical stuff, but like, strapping you in the van, turning you, that kind of thing.'

His brow furrowed. 'Why?'

He sat on the bed next to him, stroking his hair. 'Cause I want to be part of your life. All of it. If I know how to do it, we can do more interesting things together. I can drive the van, we can go out without David. If I know how to move you in the bed, we can stay here longer. I won't be so worried about sex stuff.'

'Are you sure? Cause I don't want anything to change, and I'm worried it will. You're my boyfriend not my nurse...'

'Exactly, so you trust me? It would mean a lot to me if you trusted me enough to look after you a bit more.' He looked at him, and waited. He knew it was a lot he was asking of him, to open himself up even more; but he knew that he was personally ready for the extra commitment.

'Alright,' he finally said. 'Get a nurse. If Rita is working, try and get her. She'll be understanding.'

He stood up, kissed his forehead, and went to find someone. Luckily, Rita was around, the first nurse he asked went to fetch her from the supplies cupboard.

She walked back with him, and explained why Ennoshita needed turning on his side in the first place; to alleviate pressure on his skin from lying in one place for too long. He asked why this was only necessary on this bed, and she told him that was why they used the air filled mattresses, because it inflated different areas to simulate movement. Terushima was glad he was beginning to understand all these parts of the care regimen, with each new piece of information, everything began to make more sense.

She showed him how to lift Ennoshita onto his side, where to put his hands so he didn't hurt himself, showed him where the spare pillows were kept so he could put one between his knees, and one folded behind his back, to hold him comfortably on his side. She explained where to put his urine bag onto the bed so his legs wouldn't jump onto it, and so that Terushima could still lie next to him without his own legs causing problems. Ennoshita wasn't quiet the whole time; he interjected with his own preferences, like which kind of pillow he liked behind him, how he liked his arms arranged.

Once he was settled on his side, a sheet pulled up to his waist, she left them alone, and Terushima locked the door, and pulled the curtains around again.

'Was that OK?' he asked, moving over towards the bed, unbuttoning his shirt.

'I don't know why you're asking me that. Are _you_ OK? It's a lot to take in all at once.'

'It's fine.' Keeping his eyes locked with Ennoshita, he let the shirt fall to the floor, and started unbuckling his belt. His jeans pooled around his ankles, and he stepped forward out of them. 'I didn't want to give up the room yet. In case you sobered up.'

'If I wasn't before, seeing you like that is enough to sober anyone.' He bit into his bottom lip. 'Are you getting back in?'

Terushima traced his fingers down his stomach, slowly, hooking his thumbs into the waist of his boxers. He pulled the elastic outwards, running his thumbs around it to the sides. 'I'm just wondering if I should take these off first.' He pulled them down at one side, uncovering the V of his hipbone as it dipped down to his groin.

'I think you probably should,' Ennoshita said, without taking his eyes off his hips.

Terushima turned sideways, pulling them down further, exposing one cheek. 'Yeah? Should I? I dunno...' He looked at Ennoshita over his shoulder, smirking. 'Do you want me to?'

'Very much so, take them off already.'

Terushima felt a stirring in his already semi hard dick at the commanding tone to his voice. 'Bit feisty today, aren't you?' He slipped the back of his boxers right down, uncovering both cheeks, before carrying on pushing them down at the front. The release of pressure over his groin was a relief, and he bent over to push them further down, pausing and looking over his shoulder again.

Ennoshita was staring, unabashedly, at his backside, pupils growing darker. Terushima tensed the muscles in his cheeks, and laughed when he widened his eyes even more.

'Jesus, you've got a phenomenal arse.'

'Really?' He stood up and tensed the muscles again, kicking his underwear off his feet. 'It's alright, I suppose.'

'It's fucking perfect. Your whole...body...please, just...' He looked frantic as he spoke, and Terushima took pity on him, but not enough to make it too easy. He cupped himself, and turned around. 'Yuuji, you're killing me. Let me see your cock.'

He barked out a laugh, and said, 'Are you sure you've sobered up? You've got a dirty mouth on you.'

'If you come here, I'll show you how fucking dirty it is. Stop being unfair and get in here.' A flush was spreading across Ennoshita's chest as he spoke; he was definitely feeling something different to how he usually did.

Terushima finally surrendered, sliding under the sheets next to him. He put one arm under his neck, and the other around him; they hadn't laid like this yet with him lying on his side, and the position made it easy to negotiate the arm Ennoshita wasn't lying on so it was around him.

The extra gravity from lying on a narrower stretch of his body gave Ennoshita more control of his torso; the pillow behind him stopped him falling backwards out of the bed, but also gave him extra leverage to push forward, until he was almost above Terushima.

Terushima was heady with the closeness, and he wasn't even sure of when they started kissing, but Ennoshita's tongue was swirling in his mouth, seeking sensitive areas of lip and tongue. Teeth were biting into his lip, sucking it between more lips, those soft, wet lips he loved, and he heard groaning, and realised it was him.

As his mouth was released, he moved his head back for air, and Ennoshita's lips were against his neck, sucking hard muscle; his breath hitched, and he moved his leg over Ennoshita's thigh, rolling his hips, desperate for friction.

In the back of his mind, Terushima constantly tried to be aware of where all the medical stuff he knew he had to keep track of was, but he kept losing himself in the feeling of Ennoshita pulling him hard into him, kissing him deliriously. This time his thrusting against Ennoshita didn't cause any problems, and he carried on, feeling the rumble of moans through the chest pressed against him.

'Oh, God. You're so...sexy,' Ennoshita managed to stammer out, before biting his neck again. 'Move up a bit. Let me reach your chest.'

Terushima shifted up the bed, so Ennoshita was level with his chest. Having nothing in front of his mouth to stifle him, he moaned when he sucked his nipple into his mouth. He pressed at the back of Ennoshita's head, pushing it further into him, moving it to the other side, laughing with surprise when he bit the side of his chest, and licked down the centre of it as far as he could go.

He moved back down the bed, reclaiming his mouth, and then returning the favour by biting along Ennoshita's collar bone, sweeping his tongue over where he'd bitten, jamming his nose into his neck to smell the cedar of his cologne wafting towards him as he worked his way over his shoulder area.

They'd found from experience that nothing below his collarbones had much feeling, but they'd also discovered the over-sensitive nature of the strip of flesh above them, up to his earlobes. The groans he elicited from Ennoshita just by trailing his tongue stud up the muscle in his neck were indecent.

His pleasure finally obvious from the sounds he was making, Terushima allowed himself to indulge his own, rubbing against his thigh, still careful not to upset the delicate balance they'd created. He ground his cock into the velvety flesh of his leg, continuing to bite his neck, until they were both panting as they moved against each other.

Ennoshita's knee jumped, and his thigh pressed up into his groin, causing an even louder moan. He pressed his forehead against Ennoshita's, and said, 'What was that?'

'I just caused my leg to spasm. On purpose. Was it good?'

'Jesus! Yes. How...?'

'I'm not sure. I just kind of...' He made an expression of concentration, and somehow managed to make his leg jump up once more and rub against him, this time causing Terushima to shout a startled, 'Fuck!'

'Yuuji, don't come yet,' he whispered next to his ear, simultaneously making him stop grinding, while also getting him closer than ever to letting go.

'Why?'

'I want to...try...blowing you.' He looked so embarrassed, Terushima wondered what had happened to the bravado from earlier.

All he answered with was, 'Yes,' because giving too much thought to it becoming a reality was making him worry they wouldn't get time to try. He moved away from him, breathing deeply to calm himself down a bit, to cool off his hardness. He looked around the room, and found a chair behind the curtain, a towel draped over the back, and pulled it up against the bed.

Ennoshita watched him curiously, as he knelt on the bed near his knees, trying the firmness of the mattress, and putting his feet on the chair. He spread his knees, shuffling around, testing his position. When he seemed satisfied, he moved the chair to the head of the bed, and sat higher up the bed next to Ennoshita.

'I think it'll work, if I sit that way, but further up the bed. Are you sure about this?'

He nodded enthusiastically. 'Absolutely. I really want to...taste you and...feel you in my mouth.'

Terushima bent down to kiss him for a while, his cock stiffening with each lick of tongue. Carefully, he knelt next to the pillow, one knee just in front of Ennoshita's chin, and the other near his forehead. He was kneeling upright, so he bent his legs so his heels touched his buttocks.

Ennoshita watched his bobbing cock with fascination, as he moved himself until he was the correct height to reach his waiting mouth. He couldn't stop himself licking his lips, and Terushima noticed.

'Patience. I'm trying not to suffocate you, or break my own spine by being in a weird position,' he said, with a chuckle.

'Why not kneel over me?'

'I said I'm trying _not_ to suffocate you...'

He laughed. 'Shuffle forward, let me see if I can...' he trailed off, suddenly concentrating on something.

And like that, he made whatever tiny movement he'd made before, causing his body to spasm forward, and he took the tip of Terushima's penis into his mouth.

'Oh, fuck,' he breathed out, feeling lips around him. He looked down, and Ennoshita's eyes were closed, concentrating; he was still in spasm from before, making him vibrate around his cock.

He stilled, and then opened his eyes and looked up under his heavy eyelids. He moved his head forward, and Terushima could feel the wet heat of his mouth around him, his tongue pressing against the underneath as he slid back and forth. The sight of that mouth taking his dick was one which he'd fantasised about, and he could barely believe it was real.

He pulled his mouth almost off the tip, and used the tip of his tongue to trace a circle around the head, looking at Terushima as he did so. He turned his head a little, and kissed down the shaft.

'Lean forward a bit.' He sounded breathless as he spoke, and Terushima moved as carefully as he could towards him, wondering what he had planned.

Once he was closer, Ennoshita started tonguing at his head again, sliding his mouth down the shaft a little further this time. After a couple more strokes, he pulled off with a smack, causing Terushima to whine. This time, he nibbled slightly at the underneath, and then dove towards his balls; his tongue was flat and wide as he licked the part he could reach, taking Terushima by surprise.

'Let me...' He cradled the back of Ennoshita's head, giving him somewhere to rest so he could reach him more easily.

'Thank you,' he mumbled, planting a kiss on his balls, switching between his lips and tongue as he moved his mouth over them.

As he sucked him back into his mouth, moving back and forth slowly, Terushima couldn't take his eyes off him. Every now and again, Ennoshita would look up and he could feel him smiling around him. Terushima stroked the back of his head as he held it, hoping to communicate how good he was feeling.

Ennoshita sucked in his cheeks, and the soft warmth of his mouth enclosed around him, pulling a groan from deep in his stomach. He turned his head, and Terushima's cock moved into his cheek, bumping the inside. He groaned again, and tried to stop himself from thrusting into Ennoshita's mouth, holding his hips as still as he could.

He dragged his lips off him with a popping noise, and asked, 'Is this good?' Terushima nodded, and asked him the same.

Instead of answering, he put his lips back around him with a satisfied humming, lasting way too long to just be a noise of agreement. He flicked his eyes back up to check he was enjoying it. 'Tease,' Terushima breathed out, unable to say much more, and Ennoshita just laughed and sucked in his cheeks again.

A few more strokes later, and Ennoshita stopped again. Terushima looked down, realising his eyes had been closed and his head thrown back with pleasure.

'Yuuji? You don't have to hold your hips still.'

'Huh?' He was flushed, trying to focus on what he was saying.

'You're tensing to keep still. It's fine. You can...thrust into me.'

With permission, and the greatest of care, he began to move his hips slowly in time with Ennoshita's pulls, and Ennoshita was humming with pleasure again; his tongue lapping around him inside his mouth, and the feel of his tongue flat against him, then the tip of it again, the suction of his cheeks, the occasional movement caused by a spasm, the way he looked up at him, eyes clouded with desire, and the warmth, and so soft, and...he moved back from Ennoshita, before he came in his mouth.

He leaned down to kiss Ennoshita, stroking himself, pressure building in every muscle as he ached for release.

'Please...come on me again.'

There was no coherent thought as he allowed the feelings to pulse through him, just a mixture of disembodied sounds and overwhelming feeling; his body stiffened, shuddered, and he looked down to see Ennoshita, eyes closed and mouth open, being splattered with his cum.

'God. Fuck. Ngn.' He stopped himself from slumping forwards immediately, moving his body as much as he could over an empty space on the bed before doing so. He reached onto the chair for the towel he'd hung there, and started to clean Ennoshita's shoulders; as he leaned over him, wiping him, he reached up to kiss him, and he relished the feel of the yielding lips that had been around him a few minutes before.

As Terushima wrapped himself as close as possible to him again, Ennoshita asked, 'So. “God fuck?” That good?'

'Amazing. Incredible. Fantastic.' He kissed him in-between each adjective, Ennoshita giggling beneath the praise. 'I'm sorry it went on your face. I was aiming for your chest.'

'Are you kidding? That was... perfect. It was so intimate.'

'It was good for you as well?'

'Yes, really _really_ good.' He kissed the side of his neck. 'I love watching you. The position was just right, I could see your face, and the way you were moving...' He hummed again, and kissed him.

'I can't wait until we don't have to get up and leave. I just want to stay here with you like this.'

'Soon,' he murmured against him, 'Soon.'

  


  


 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There probably needs to be a warning, because this chapter is severely angst filled. I can't really give specifics, maybe just don't read this if you're feeling fragile
> 
> There's also an ableist slur used, but not as an insult, so just be prepared (it's the C word)

Ennoshita casually dropped the revelation into the conversation one evening over dinner as if he was asking someone to pass the salt.

'They told me today I can start going home for weekends.'

'Really? That's fantastic! Why didn't you say anything sooner?'

He just shrugged. 'Forgot about it until just now.'

Terushima suspected he wasn't telling him the whole truth, he would be nervous about leaving the hospital, sleeping in another bed without nurses around. He just nodded, said, 'I bet your parents are excited about having you back home. Oh! You can see your cats!'

There was a photo of the two Siamese cats Ennoshita's family had owned since he went to high school stuck to the side of his bedside table, along with one of his parents, the volleyball team, and one of Terushima he had insisted on. Even though he knew how much Ennoshita missed them both, he couldn't really see the appeal of cats at all, especially not the two scrawny, miserable ones in the photo.

'I wonder what they'll make of me. Do you think they'll still sit on me?'

'I can't see why not.'

Ennoshita moved his arm across his lap, watching it. He was wearing his wrist splints, which held his hand at a more natural angle instead of it dangling down at the wrist, giving him more control; he first started wearing them in physiotherapy when trying to use the electric wheelchair, but now he usually wore them any time he was sitting up, enjoying the freedom of movement. With the splints on, he talked with his hands, moving them around to describe things.

'I can probably still stroke them, look. If they do.' He looked up at Terushima. 'I hope they do.'

'Can't your parents just pick them up and put them there?'

Ennoshita laughed. 'Haven't spent much time around cats, have you? You can't make them do anything they don't want to.'

'A dog would sit on you, no bother,' he said, putting a forkful of chicken in his mouth.

He chewed it looking at him, both trying not to laugh. Terushima had developed a habit of giving him food just after saying something provocative so he couldn't answer straight away. He raised his eyebrows at Ennoshita, who swallowed and said, 'I'm not getting into a ridiculous cats versus dogs fight with you again.'

'You do realise I'm going to have dogs when I leave home. If it's going to be a problem, we should probably break up now.' The plate was empty, so he moved the table to one side, shuffling his seat to sit closer to Ennoshita.

'Yeah. I mean it's a shame, but better to finish it now,' he said, smiling as Terushima put his arm through his, 'Before we get too attached to each other.'

Too late, thought Terushima.

–

The first weekend Ennoshita went home, Terushima noticed no difference at first. He wasn't used to seeing him anyway; he worked Saturday mornings, and the team still visited him, so his routine wasn't changed in any way except to hope everything was going alright in the bungalow.

He could tell how excited his parents were to get him back home, even just for one night. They'd been getting instruction on how to care for him at home, and the local district nurses were booked to come over on the Sunday morning to help out. As always, the amount of organisation involved amazed Terushima. It was one night away from the hospital, but it was arranged with military precision.

He got back home just after one as usual, and prepared to stay horizontal in front of the television for a couple of hours; he made himself some lunch, fired up his console, and carried on the campaign he was in the middle of.

After only twenty minutes, the phone rang; with an exasperated sigh, he paused mid-fight, and went to answer it.

'Hello?'

'Hey!'

'Chikara? Oh my God! Are you alright, where are you?'

He laughed on the other end, and it echoed, sounding like he was on speaker-phone. 'I'm fine, I just thought I'd check in, let you know how it was going.'

Terushima cradled the phone against his face, cherishing the sound. He'd never heard him over the phone, never communicated with him not in person. He didn't know why, but it was making him feel like crying. He'd only seen him the day before, it was only a phone call, but his feelings were threatening to overwhelm him to the point of weeping.

He pulled himself together. 'Did...did the cats sit on you?'

'Earl is sitting on me right now, while I'm talking. Say hello.' There was a squawk in the background. 'There you go, that was her.'

'Bloody hell, that was loud. Are they always that loud?'

'Yep. Very chatty cats, Siamese. But friendly too. She's lying here letting me stroke her.'

He'd never been so jealous of a cat before. 'Did she jump up?'

'Yeah. Gunny isn't keen on the wheels, she's staying away. She's always been more shy though. When we first got her, she hid on top of the kitchen cupboard for a whole week, just shouting at us every time we went in there.'

Terushima laughed, and wiped his eyes. They carried on talking about all the different cats he'd had through his childhood. They were all named after types of tea, even though none of them were ever really called by their names anyway, just shortened versions or silly nicknames Ennoshita had given them.

He told him things were going fine. The bungalow was nice, all the doors were wide enough, even though his Dad had worried about it, and they'd checked all the measurements loads of times with the occupational therapist. His room was full of all the things from his old room, and it was like being back at his other home, except this room was massive. And his own bathroom! There was even a sofa bed, he'd asked for that, for when Terushima wanted to visit.

His Mum had cried, he said, more quietly, so he and his Dad had teased her, and then slyly told Terushima he could hear him crying as well, and why does everyone keep crying? Then he laughed, and everything fell silent; Terushima tried to muffle the sounds he was making by covering the mouthpiece.

'Seriously. Yuuji? Why are you crying?'

He took a shaky breath, and stopped trying to hide it. 'Relief, I think. That it's going well.'

'Ah. OK.' There was a pause. 'You should come next weekend.'

'Not just yet. It should be you and your parents getting time together. Settle into your routine.'

'You don't want to come?' His voice was shaky now.

'I don't think I _should_. Not for a while.'

'Is it the cats?' A teasing tone had crept back into his voice. 'I can lock them in the spare room.'

'You have a spare room? And you still asked for a sofa bed for me to sleep in your room?'

'Yeah! It's great getting out of hospital. You can ask for anything you want, and they have to let you have it. Cause otherwise it's really cruel. Or I just go, “But I can't walk!” and they give in.'

'Bullshit! Your parents would never fall for that.'

'My brand new computer set-up begs to differ.'

'You're such a liar.'

'Yeah, I am. I do have a new computer though. But I bought that for myself. I needed something with decent voice recognition. Oh man! I didn't tell you the best bit! I've got this thing I can suck on, and it does stuff for me.'

'Isn't that just me?'

'You are so childish,' he said, through his laughter. 'Loser. No it's a thing that controls my environment, so I can turn on the TV and stuff. It's how I called you. It's got phone numbers stored in it, and I can use the phone. Once I start using the electric wheelchair, I can attach it to it, and move around my room, control my own stuff. So at least in this one room, I can be in charge.'

'You're in charge of every room you're in, you diva.'

'And don't forget it.' He laughed again, and Terushima wished he could see it, he knew it would be one of those laughs which took over his whole face. His voice was quieter as he asked, 'Are you... OK now?'

He swallowed. 'Yeah. I just...I really love you.' He wasn't sure what had made him say it, or why he felt like a bullet had hit him in the chest.

'I know. I know.' His voice was soothing, and Terushima was embarrassed that he was the one needing reassurance when something so important was happening to Ennoshita. 'I'll ring you again tomorrow morning. After I get up. We've got my Aunt popping over in a minute or two, so I have to go, but...you're alright, yeah?'

Terushima felt empty, somehow, but he told him he was fine. Just before he hung up, he told him he loved him too, almost as an after thought. The terrible sinking feeling in his chest welled up, and he recognised what it was.

Ennoshita wasn't going to need him any more.

–

The next day, he went for a run after breakfast, purposefully going in the opposite direction to where the Ennoshitas had moved. It had been a while since he'd gone running, his only exercise recently had been walking his round, and he was winded more quickly than he used to be.

He left his phone at home. To charge it.

When he got home, there was a note from his Mum. A phone number was written across the top; underneath it told him to call back Chikara, letting him know if he didn't answer he was probably eating or seeing family, and to try again before four as then he'd be going back to the hospital. It looked like she'd added more, as it finished off with her saying she'd gone shopping with her friend and would see him at dinnertime. He wondered how long he'd actually been gone, it hadn't seemed that long.

On the way to the bathroom, he stopped to check his phone, seeing three missed calls from the same number she'd written on the paper. He saved the number under a new contact, and then continued to the bathroom, leaving it to carry on charging. He decided on a bath, a good long soak to ease the aches from his running. The phone rang twice while he was in there, but by the time he was towelling himself off, he'd forgotten about it.

He prepared food, got his game going so he could continue the mission he'd already started, and lost himself in the silence of the house.

It wasn't often he nodded off playing a game, but the combination of the run, hot bath, and the grilled cheese sandwich had made him sleepy, and the long loading screen of this particular game made it far too easy to let his eyes close.

His Mum woke him with a shake to the shoulder at five, a bag of shopping in her hand. 'Help me with the bags?'

He looked at the screen, the four characters standing around waiting for his instruction, arguing among themselves while his avatar just stood with his arms folded, occasionally shifting from one leg to the other as the weather and sunlight changed around them.

'Sure.' He paused it, saw the time, shrugged because it was after four, and then went to help her.

*

Back at work on Monday, James suggested they go to the cinema after work as they sorted the letters into the different slots in front of them.

'What's out?'

'That new Guardians film. I really liked the first one. Should be quiet during the day.'

'Yeah, OK.' He could be late to visit, there were plenty of people around to give Ennoshita his lunch, he wouldn't be missed.

They both rushed through their round a little faster than they usually would, in order to get to the earliest showing. It was James' turn to buy tickets, so he bought them the snacks. The lights weren't down yet, and the reminders to turn off their phones started; he slipped his out of his pocket, where it had been on vibrate, and spotted a missed call. Just as he was trying to read it, it rang again, and Akaashi's name showed on the screen.

'Hello?'

'Where the fuck are you?' The lights dimmed, and the music of advertisements started. He couldn't hear the rest of what he said.

'Sorry? Hang on, let me just get somewhere quieter.' He held his phone up to show James, and pointed at the exit so he knew where he was going.

'Are you in the fucking cinema? I swear to fucking God.' Terushima had to move the phone away from his ear, Akaashi was yelling so loudly.

'Yeah, I'm still going over afterwards, I'll only be a bit later than usual.'

'He was expecting you an hour ago. An hour. That's like...a week in normal time. The hospital called his Mum, because they couldn't get through to you, so she called me cause she's at work. He's fucking losing it with worry, and you're in a pissing cinema. I'm... I don't think I've ever been so angry.'

His voice was shaking with rage. Terushima tried to speak, but he cut him off.

'Jesus Christ, Yuuji. I warned you, I fucking...Don't fucking hurt him. That's all I asked.'

'I don't...'

'Where were you all day yesterday? He tried calling you. I know cause he called me, worrying he'd done something wrong. He thinks you're trying to break up with him, you know. If you are, get on with it. Cause now he's just...and you're in the...which cinema? No, don't tell me, I'm probably mad enough to actually get on a train.'

'I'm...why does he think that?'

Akaashi ignored the question, and raised his voice in disbelief. 'Please tell me you're on your way to the hospital while I'm talking to you, or I'm going to fucking lose it, and Kou won't be able to hold me back.'

'Of course I am,' he said, and immediately started walking; he'd been rooted to the spot since the start of the phone call. What had he been thinking? Why didn't he ring Ennoshita back?

'Right. Get off the phone. Call the hospital. Tell them you're on the way. Do not tell them where you were, just say your bus broke down or something. You want him to know you're safe and not that you were going to be late on purpose without telling him. Otherwise...well I'm not sure he'll ever forgive you. I won't lie, I'm not sure I can.'

With that he hung up, leaving Terushima staring at his phone.

He did as he was told, returning the missed call, which was of course from the Spinal Unit. They sounded so relieved to hear from him, and hurriedly cut him off to go and let Ennoshita know.

Once he was on the bus, he texted James, letting him know he'd had to leave to help a friend. The huge ball of tension and guilt inside him was added to by the fact he hadn't told James about Ennoshita, not that he visited him in the hospital, or that he was his boyfriend, and the excuse sounded woefully inadequate.

He tried telling himself this wasn't as bad as his shame was telling him, but he suspected he was just lying to himself; he couldn't work out why this was all so terrible, but he knew it was. Apart from anything else, Akaashi had been furious. One part of the conversation refused to let go of its grip around him.

Why did Ennoshita think he was going to split up with him?

*

He ran through the door, past the nurses, and saw Ennoshita lying in bed, facing away from the door towards the window. He checked the time on the wall clock, confused to find him there when at this time he'd usually be up.

He walked around the bed; Ennoshita was fast asleep, eyes closed but ringed red. He contemplated not waking him, but remembering how frantic the nurses had sounded, he quietly called his name.

His eyes blinked open, he said, 'Oh, thank God,' and then burst into uncontrollable sobbing.

Terushima wasn't sure if he could hug him or not, wasn't sure how bad this whole situation was. He looked as if he'd been crying for hours; the ball of tension was cracking open, remorse and fear leaking out, filling his insides with cold dread.

Ennoshita looked up at him, pleading in his face, so he took a chance, and put his arms around him. He didn't reciprocate, but didn't shrug him off either.

'I'm so sorry.'

'I was ... worried. I didn't ... know...' He was having difficulty speaking, or breathing for that matter.

Terushima shushed him. 'I know, I'm sorry. Just...get your breath back. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry.' He kept repeating himself, anything more coherent leaving him. There was no wonder Akaashi had been so mad.

*

Eventually he calmed down. Terushima got the tissues, wiped his face, held one over his nose as he blew into it, cleaned up the snot and tears which had fallen onto the pillow and been wiped onto his own shirt.

He brought a chair over to the bedside, and sat as close as he could, still stroking his head. He needed to tell him the truth of where he'd been, he deserved to know, but he was also confused by his own actions, as well as the things Akaashi had said. They obviously needed to talk this whole situation through, to get to the bottom of it.

Ennoshita seemed to be thinking the same; he wasn't looking at Terushima properly, focusing on a point around his chest, as he got his breathing under control.

'We need to talk,' he eventually said, voice still shivery and small.

'We do.'

'I don't know what happened. Saturday, we were talking and laughing, then you went all weird, and ignored me for two days.'

'I know. There's no excuse. I don't know what to say except sorry.'

'You need to say more than that. Why?' He looked up, and it seemed painful for him to be looking him in the eye. Terushima felt a pang in his chest.

He didn't know how to explain. Seeing him like this, it sounded absurd to say, 'I didn't think you needed me any more.' Barely forty-eight hours without contact, and Ennoshita had fallen apart. His physical needs were taken care of, yes, but he looked crushed.

'Yuuji? Do you want to break up with me? Cause I understand if you do, but please don't leave me hanging on.'

'What? No! You know I love you.'

'But?'

'What?'

'You said the same Saturday, and it sounded like you wanted to add a “but”. You said, I really love you, and then trailed off. Like you were softening the blow by telling me you loved me first.'

'No I was just...'

'You didn't want to come and stay at my house. Even though I told you I organised it so you could sleep in my room. And then you ignored my phone calls all day Sunday. Your Mum said you went jogging. For two hours. I left my number, I tried your mobile, nothing. Why didn't you call me?'

'I...' He could feel tears welling up inside him as he struggled to explain, and found no reasonable excuse. He'd been avoiding him, because he thought he didn't need him any more. But he couldn't say that. There was no way that would make any sense.

'I see. I can't say I'm surprised. I'm...amazed it lasted this long. What would you ever see in me?' He smiled, shaking his head, still averting his eyes from Terushima's face. 'A helpless cripple.'

The tears that had been threatening immediately dried up, and were replaced from somewhere with a boiling fury. 'Don't ever call yourself that again!'

'I can call myself that if I want.' His own anger was starting to show through. 'You can't say it, but I can. I'm a _cripple_.'

'No, I don't mean that. You're not _helpless_.' He shook his head, with a bitter laugh. 'You want to know why I didn't call? Cause I thought you didn't need me any more. You sounded like you had everything you needed. People visiting you, and these plans to be independent.' He looked up at him, and Ennoshita was looking back with disbelief. 'Once you were out for good, you'd meet someone else, someone better. We only started dating out of convenience, after all.'

'Are you fucking _kidding_? I'm not in love with you because it's _convenient_. Do you honestly think I dated you just because you were _there_?' He made a sound of pure exasperation. 'Come here. Now.'

Terushima moved back to hug him, and this time Ennoshita moved his arm to squeeze around his neck, with a little nudge of assistance. They both started to sniffle against each other.

'I wish I'd closed the curtains.' Terushima tried to move away to do so, but the arm around his neck was too tight.

'Listen to me,' Ennoshita said, loosening his grip just enough to let him pull away so he could see his face properly. 'I love you, Yuuji Terushima, because I do. The fact you worked here was luck, and something I thank my lucky stars for every single fucking day. If you didn't, we'd never have met. Well, no, we _did_ meet. But I would have just carried on thinking you were a dickhead who slept around.'

'I'm still a dickhead...' he said, through tears.

'Well, yeah. But I'll always need you anyway. Because I _need_ you. Today when you didn't show up, for a while I thought you might have had an accident or something, and I was inconsolable. I didn't even get up this morning because I was too depressed thinking you were going to break up with me.'

It was too much for him, and he fell forward into the crook of his neck. 'I'm so so sorry. I feel like such a twat. I love you so much, I thought you were going to leave _me_.'

'God! You really are a twat. Listen. I love you too, but I'm still really angry. And I didn't sleep much last night. Is it OK if I ask you to leave and come back tomorrow?'

He didn't want to leave him, but he wanted to respect his wishes. He kissed him, just a quick peck on the lips for reassurance, before standing up away from him. 'If that's what you want, of course. But first...I need to tell you where I was before I came here, while you're still angry. Because I hated lying to them on the phone.'

Ennoshita face dropped. 'Were you with another man?'

'No! Well, yes, but not like that. I was at the cinema with James. From work.'

'Oh.' That face was the reason he'd had to say something; he looked like he'd been stabbed in the chest, and he would have hated for someone else to tell him.

'I know. Looking back, it's unforgivable. I wasn't thinking straight, it was me avoiding you.'

He thought for a long time, eyes cast downwards. Eventually he spoke. 'It's not unforgivable. Thank you for telling me. I'll...think about this as well as everything else, work it through.'

'I think Akaashi thinks it's unforgivable.'

'Keiji? Why?'

'The hospital were worried about you, so they called your Mum, and she called him. He gave me...quite the telling off. He was furious.'

'He'll forgive you. Eventually. It'll take longer for him than me, though. But I'll tell him we've talked it over.' His eyes grew stern. 'Listen to me. Never do this again. I'm not joking. I won't forgive you twice. I told you before, I have to trust you, completely, and this has been really upsetting. I'll get over it once, but twice would ruin me.'

'I understand. I'm really sorry. I love you, Chika. No buts.'

'I love you, too. _But_ ,' he said it with a glint growing in his eye, 'I won't forgive you again.'

'You won't need to.'

Ennoshita pursed his lips, requesting a goodbye kiss; he gladly provided one, moved at being given a second chance. He'd fucked up, but he meant what he'd promised, he wouldn't do it again. Ennoshita just didn't deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter will be updated tomorrow. I decided to do this so I didn't leave you hanging on for a week


	17. Chapter 17

The next few days were awkward, there was no getting around it.

Terushima explained to James what had happened, who Ennoshita was and about the hospital, so that he would understand him just running off before the film even started. He was understanding enough, and didn't seem bothered by finding out he had a boyfriend.

He tried to message Akaashi, which was a lot harder. He drafted four or five versions of the email, trying to sound suitably remorseful. He wanted to send his final draft to Bokuto to go over it, but he was uncharacteristically harsh with him on the phone when he called him to ask if he could; Terushima started to realise just how much he'd made a mistake if even Bokuto was being short.

'Sorry, not helping. You just...you really fucked up. You made Keiji _angry_. Don't like seeing that.'

'But I'm trying to apologise!'

'He needs time, they both do. Don't do anything, you'll make it worse.'

'But I...'

'No! Yuuji, ya can't always solve everything, just like that. It's being a grown-up. You fucked up, give people space.'

How did he accept it more than he had? He could hardly sleep with it going over and over in his head; what he would do differently, what he should have said, just how he could make things right in the shortest time, so he could unburden himself from the tremendous guilt freezing him.

On the Tuesday, he went to visit Ennoshita, of course, but the atmosphere was strained. He turned his cheek for Terushima to kiss when he arrived, and again at home-time, and that was their only contact unless he had an itch. The companionable silence from before was replaced with one that Terushima didn't dare to break.

The rest of the week was much the same, although the chill was starting to thaw. He trusted himself to talk more, and by Thursday he was telling him stories about his job during dinner like usual. Each small laugh he drew from Ennoshita melted away a little of the tension, rolling off them like water droplets on cold glass.

On Friday when he arrived after work, Ennoshita didn't turn his face, kissing him squarely on the mouth for the first time in a week. He looked up at him, light reignited in his tired eyes, with a soft, 'Hi.'

Terushima breathed a sigh of relief, turning it into, 'Hi,' before dropping, arms encircling him, and feeling the first sparks of forgiveness.

–

Ennoshita spent the weekend at home again, this time Terushima making an effort to call him first as soon as he got back from his round. He answered the phone himself, and told him with breathless excitement that they'd programmed his system to now control his television, and he could change the channel, turn up the volume, turn it on and off.

'They think I'll be home permanently by Christmas.'

'Just before your birthday, then.'

He paused. 'You remembered my birthday,' he sighed. 'Would you...like to come over for Christmas Day?'

In a previous conversation about their childhoods, Terushima had already mentioned that Christmas wasn't a big deal in their house; his parents were from Japan, moving to England to study, so he hadn't grown up with Christmas being a big celebration. Ennoshita's parents were born in the U.K., and he'd been surprised to hear that Terushima had never had a Christmas tree. They had a few presents, and spent the day together as everything was closed, but otherwise it was just like another day.

'I'd love that.'

'I was thinking. You can stay over, and then be here for my birthday. My parents said yours can come too, if you'd like, but I thought I'd ask you first.' He paused, and lowered his voice. 'I kind of wanted you to myself, really.'

'I'll come on my own, then.'

They chatted for a little while, before he let him get back to his afternoon lie down, in-between periods of sitting up in his chair.

The next day, he made sure to contact him first again, calling him just after ten. There was no answer, but he kept trying until there was.

'I was getting up! Why on earth were you ringing so early?'

'I missed you,' he breathed quietly into the mouthpiece.

In the background he heard Toshi shouting, 'I'm still in the room and you're on speaker-phone, just so you know.'

He laughed as Ennoshita whined at his Mum, and then they talked about what he'd been writing.

'It's quite easy dictating while I'm lying down, so I've been writing in the afternoons. It's kind of annoying. It doesn't work as well as you imagine it would. I think they assume it's for people who can also use their hands, so moving around the screen is a pain in the arse. At the minute, the whole thing is just a stream of words, it needs editing into script format. Keiji says he'll help with that when he reads it.'

The lump in his throat jumped up again. 'Is he OK?'

'Yeah, I called him last night. He's alright. Getting there.' He knew Ennoshita was trying to reassure him, but he still felt sick about how he'd let both him and Bokuto down.

Ennoshita needed to have some breakfast, so he let him go, and went to have his own. His Mum immediately asked him how Chikara was, knowing from his face where he'd been and what he'd been doing.

Things continued to get better between them throughout November, and before they knew it, December had arrived; on its first day, Terushima arrived at the hospital to find Ennoshita in his electric wheelchair, having finally mastered the controls well enough to be able to use it in earnest.

'This is so weird,' Terushima said, walking next to him into the garden.

'Why?'

'I can see your face as we walk. I can hear you properly. You mumble a lot, you know,' he teased him.

'And you're slow,' he said, pushing the controls forward further, and speeding off down the corridor, cackling with laughter.

He refused to run after him, so Ennoshita stopped a few feet from the door, and turned the chair around so he was facing him instead. He walked even more slowly towards him, hands in his pockets, smiling the whole time.

Every time he was almost standing in front of him, Ennoshita would nudge the controls to reverse away, forcing Terushima to step towards him again.

'Watch it, you're nearly out of room to reverse.'

'I know. I have good spatial awareness, Gill said.' He'd stopped just in front of the door leading outside, the back of his chair against a wall.

Terushima squatted in front of him, a hand on each knee. 'Is this how it is now? You're going to keep running away?'

'Yep. Are you going to keep chasing after me?' He hadn't seen his mouth quirking like that in a while, and he dared to hope he might finally be forgiven completely.

'Always,' he promised, longing to show him he deserved mercy if it was being offered, 'I'm never letting you get away.'

He tried to move his face closer, pushing his hands on his knees to raise himself up to the right height, which only caused Ennoshita's legs to start going into spasm, throwing his balance off so much Terushima had to stand quickly to push him upright. Fearing he ruined the moment, he started apologising, Ennoshita just laughing at him, until he dipped back down, kissing the laughter from his mouth.

'Let's book the room again, on the way back,' Terushima said quietly into his ear.

'Why don't you come and stay at my house this weekend instead?' leaning to whisper back to him, before pulling back to look at his face.

'Yeah? Is it. Is that OK?'

'If you mean can we have sex, yes.' He smiled at him, and pecked a kiss to his nose. 'My parents aren't stupid, they know we do it. My room is far enough away from theirs, there's nothing to worry about.'

Once again, he was amazed by the matter of fact way Ennoshita talked with his parents about things he had no idea where to even start to discuss with his own. His parents probably thought he and Ennoshita just kissed and held hands, but it sounded like Ennoshita had put effort into the choices made in the new bungalow to enable him to have as 'normal' a life as possible.

He stood back up, stretching out his back, and put a hand on Ennoshita's shoulder. 'Then, yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.'

'Excellent. I'll sharpen the cats claws,' he said, before quickly turning his chair, ducking away from Terushima.

He was all the way under the willow tree, laughing again, when he eventually caught up with him.

–

After spending the rest of the week visiting Ennoshita and seeing him using the electric wheelchair, he knew he was ridiculous to think the extra freedom would mean he wasn't needed any more. It was such a tiny bit of independence in the long run; sure, he could move himself to different places by himself, but once he was there, he still couldn't do anything. Terushima was ashamed he'd begrudged him being able to do this small thing for himself.

The joystick control was really sensitive, it had to be because of Ennoshita's lack of fine motor control. The ball of the stick fitted into the curved part of the splint which covered his hand, and with the slightest of movements, he could control the chair. It meant there were quite a few times where Ennoshita got stuck, because sometimes his hand fell off the stick and he couldn't get it back on there again. Other times, he'd accidentally turn it off, or not be able to turn it back on. He never got frustrated, just kept trying, until he either succeeded, or would look to Terushima reluctantly for help.

'When you go home, will the hospital let you use this chair?' Terushima asked one day walking around the garden.

'What do you mean? This is mine.'

'Oh. I just assumed it belonged to them,' he said, feeling confused.

'They only provide a manual wheelchair to start with, you can apply for an electric one, but it takes a while, so I just bought my own.'

At this Terushima stopped walking. 'Really? You bought this? Bloody hell. It must have cost a fortune.'

Ennoshita also stopped, and turned a little. 'We used the money from the match.'

'What about the van? How did you...'

'Don't worry about it,' he interrupted him, 'We managed.'

They carried on walking, Terushima lost in thought, hardly listening as Ennoshita chatted to him. After about five minutes, he heard him saying his name.

'Yuuji?' He peered at him, and stopped moving again. 'I said...you're not listening to me, are you? Have you seen that bird again?'

He laughed. 'No, not for a while. Sorry. I was just thinking.' He stepped closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. 'Look. If you ever need any money, I have savings. I don't mind lending you some.'

Ennoshita looked back at him, a strange smile on his face. 'I'm fine, I promise. Keep it for uni.'

'OK. But the offer is always there.' He kissed him, and they carried on walking the circumference of the garden, talking about his university plans.

  
  



	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a (short) sex scene- if you want to avoid it stop reading after 'still plenty of time'

Upon seeing Ennoshita's new bungalow, he was even more concerned about their finances. It was much larger than he'd expected, and with an extra extension above the garage it wasn't even really the bungalow he'd expected.

He was met at the door by Toshi, who immediately hugged him, and explained that Ennoshita's Dad was just getting him out of bed for the evening. She showed him around the house; it was simply decorated, plain white walls everywhere, and with wide corridors and doorways.

There was one large room in the centre of the bungalow, which served as a living room and kitchen/diner, with doors leading off. His Mother explained where all the doors led; bathroom, their bedroom, Ennoshita's room, and a spare room, still in the middle of being decorated.

'Come through to the kitchen, I'll show you where everything is. Make us a drink.'

He followed her, as she chattered, opening cupboards to gather together tea bags and cordial. He found the stash of tall coloured glasses on a shelf, and made himself a cold drink, passing her a teaspoon from a drawer underneath a low counter.

Something beeped behind him, and he looked to see a small speaker attached to the wall, with a button Toshi pressed.

'Yep?'

'Was that Yuuji arriving?' Jin's voice crackled slightly through the speaker.

'Yeah. You nearly ready?'

'Just getting in the chair now. He wanted to make sure before finishing.'

She took her finger off the button and turned to Terushima. 'He likes to get up at the last minute, make the most of the hours he can stay up.'

He nodded, still taken aback by the house; with its adaptation and gadgets, it was almost like living in a science fiction novel, it seemed so well designed to fit their needs. He began to worry slightly, yet again, about the cost of such things.

They drank their drinks, perched at a counter with bar stools, Toshi filling him in on little pieces of information as they did. He felt a little bit like he was being prepared for a babysitting job, which he found unnerving.

'If you need us, we're only going to the restaurant down the road. You can call us to come back any time.'

Terushima looked horrified. 'What? No. We can't run you out of the house!'

'Oh, it's no problem!' She rested a hand on his shoulder. 'You know. This is Chikara's house. We just live here with him.'

Now, he was even more confused, but decided not to ask anything more. The situation was feeling too surreal, so he asked where the cats were instead, it seemed safer.

'Oh, Earl will be with Chikara. She's been inseparable since he came home. I'm not sure where Gunpowder is, but she'll be hiding, she hates strangers.'

Just then, the door to Ennoshita's room opened, and he came through, being pushed by Jin in his manual chair. Sure enough, a Siamese cat was sitting on his lap. It was so strange and wonderful to see him somewhere other than the hospital; he just looked _right_ in this space, comfortable, happy, his neat, blue shirt contrasting with the darkness of his hair

'Hey! Sorry, hope you've not been here long.'

'About fifteen minutes,' he said, walking over and kissing him hello, running a hand gingerly over the cat's fur. 'So, this is Earl, then?'

'Yeah. Isn't she lovely?'

Terushima looked at her, bony spine curled around on herself like a fossilised shell. He couldn't really see the appeal the rest of the family saw, but he couldn't lie, he liked the way Ennoshita's face turned to goo when he looked at her.

'She's alright.' He tried to make an effort with her, patting her side. If it was important to Ennoshita, it was important to him.

He looked up at him, proud of his attempt, but Ennoshita just looked back laughing and saying, 'Yeah, whatever.'

'Right, we're off out now then. We'll be back in three hours,' Jin said, shrugging on a jacket and picking up his keys. His Mother had already got her handbag on her shoulder, with the door open.

'Have a good time!' Ennoshita shouted after them as they left, then turned to Terushima with a grin. 'So. Wanna see my room?'

'Wait. Wait. I'm a bit overwhelmed.'

'Why? I told you they'd give us time alone...'

'It's not just that. Your house is massive. And your Mum just told me it's yours and they're just living here with you? You have an intercom?'

'I told you about the environmental control system. It's the pipe I told you about, the one I suck?' He sighed. 'Look, let's go see my room. I'll explain it.'

Terushima stood and walked over, taking the handles and pushing him through the door. The hall was wide, and had three more doors leading off; the one on the right was propped open, and through it he could see a bed like the one from the hospital, so assuming that was where they were going, he pushed him through.

It was even bigger than he expected. The hospital bed was central to the room, with another open door to what was obviously a bathroom. On the other side of the room was a desk housing the new computer Ennoshita mentioned, standing next to a single bed covered in cushions.

'So. This is my room. It's huge, right? Used to be three rooms, we knocked down some walls, built in the bathroom and stuff. It had to be big enough for me to get around in the electric wheelchair.

Terushima could see the other wheelchair standing in the corner near the bathroom, plugged into the wall, no doubt charging. 'Why aren't you using it?'

'Well,' he looked down embarrassed, 'It feels a bit more intimate in this one. Having you pushing me. Silly, really.'

He was looking at photographs of friends and more cats hanging on the wall, but turned to answer him. 'No. I totally agree.'

Ennoshita smiled. 'So, that's your bed over there.'

He looked over at the bed in surprise, pointing at it. 'This one? I thought you said it was a sofa bed?'

'Well, Mum tried to make it look like a sofa. What is it with Mums and cushions? But it's got wheels on it, with brakes. It's, urm, so you can push it over. Next to mine.'

'Really? I can sleep next to you?'

'I was hoping you would, yeah.'

Terushima looked over at the hospital bed. It had an air filled mattress on it, like the ones at the hospital. Feeling disappointment at the mattress being one he wasn't allowed to go on, he turned round and said, 'So. Where's this pipe thing?'

'Over there, next to the bed.' Terushima looked and saw a metal stand, with a small box covered in square buttons attached to the top; it had a bendy pipe coming from it, like on an angle poise lamp, with a mouthpiece like you might find on a musical instrument on the end. 'Bring it over, I'll show you how it works.'

He picked it up and carried it over to where Ennoshita sat, placing it by his chair.

'Now, bend the thing round, so I can get it in my mouth.' He did so, and Ennoshita moved his head forward to grab the mouthpiece. He then sucked on it once, and it started beeping; a small light moved over the buttons, each one with a number and a small picture on it. 'Then I just suck it again,' he did so as the light flashed on one with a phone symbol, 'And it stops on the thing I want to control.' The telephone had started making a dialling tone. 'Then I just suck, and it beeps again until it reaches the right number, and I suck again, and so on.'

He talked him through the rest of the functions, and it was surprising how much control he had. There was a section for his music system, his television, the fan, even the front door. The telecom he'd seen earlier in the kitchen was also controlled by this box, with others just the same in every room of the house.

Terushima pulled over a chair from near the desk to sit next to him. 'So, can I ask something?'

'Always.'

'Your Mum said this was your house, but they're just living here? What did she mean?'

'I don't really talk about it, cause it feels weird.' He sighed. 'I got insurance money for breaking my neck. From the school's insurance. It's...a lot, too much really. Half of it we used to pay off the loans and mortgage on the bungalow, so it's mine. I never have to pay rent anywhere, or work out how I'll afford to live. That's what Mum meant. They kept hold of their old house, and eventually they'll move back there, and I'll live here when I'm an adult.' He laughed, adding, 'I mean, I _am_ an adult, but you know what I mean.'

Terushima was unsure of what to say. 'That must be a huge weight off your mind,' seemed like something adults would say, so he went with that.

'The other half is being looked after, by a solicitor. It'll probably get used for paying for carers and stuff.'

'Oh. So your Mum and Dad won't be doing that?'

'No, I'm going to hire someone. At least for some of the time. It seemed unfair to expect them to do everything. It'll pay for full-time care at university as well, when I eventually get there.'

'You're still planning to go to university? That's fantastic! I didn't think you'd...sorry, that's really presumptuous of me. Of course you'd still want to go. I just meant...'

'I know what you mean, don't worry. It'll be difficult, but I've been researching. There are universities with adapted rooms, I could even live there.'

He wanted to be supportive, but all he wanted to know was how far away he'd be going, and when and for how long. In the end he decided to just say, 'Cool.'

Ennoshita took a deep breath. 'What made it worse was that the school raised that money for me, when I knew I had this other money on the way. I felt like a fraud. At the time, yeah, we were drowning in debt, but only because we knew it would be over once the settlement came.'

'You're not a fraud, they all wanted to help somehow,' he said, squeezing his knee.

'I know, but now I have the money, I think I'm going to give it back to the team. To use to go to Nationals.' He gestured for Terushima to hold his hand, so he did. 'And like, you offering to lend me money. You're so wonderful, but it made me feel terrible. You offering me help, when I've got a house of my own and a fucking trust fund!'

'Well, at least you know I'm not a gold-digger,' he said, smiling at him.

'If you were, you'd be the worst gold-digger that ever existed.' He leaned forward a bit, and Terushima met him halfway with a kiss.

The movement threw his balance off, so Terushima caught him, pushing him back into his chair; he knelt on his own chair, pressing himself into Ennoshita, and their lips moved against each other.

'Do we really have three hours?' he asked, tilting his head back, allowing Ennoshita to kiss his neck.

'More like two and a half, now.'

He pulled his shirt off, throwing it behind him with a flourish. 'Still plenty of time.'

–

He didn't care what anyone said; this was definitely a sex shelf.

It was sturdier than kitchen counters should be, a thick slab held up by large metal brackets at either end. When he climbed on it, he was nervous it wouldn't hold his weight, but there was no creaking or giving in the wood, and he felt completely safe perching on its edge.

It was also higher than most; when he'd sat at it earlier, he'd thought it was quite tall, especially in a house where someone used a wheelchair.

He'd been right, there was no way this was useful for Ennoshita to eat meals while sitting at. When he pushed him under the counter, it came up to the height of his chin.

The reason for the height became obvious once he was kissing along the inside of Terushima's naked thighs.

He had his feet planted on the arms of the wheelchair, Ennoshita's arms hooked around his calves, giving him the leverage he needed to pull himself towards Terushima as he lay open before him. A slim cushion under his hips tilted him upwards, and Ennoshita had access to any part of him he wished to garnish with attention.

Right now, he was kissing every inch of flesh he could reach, and for once he could reach a lot of bare flesh with little effort; the crease between hip and thigh, the rougher skin of his balls, the velvet hardness of his cock.

Terushima shivered as he began to add licks and sucks, driving him mad with the surprise of which it would be each time. No one had ever lavished him with such complete focus, taken so much time to just enjoy what they were doing.

He kissed along the length of him, revering each inch, until his lips reached the tip; his mouth opened into a tight round shape, and he looked up at him as finally _finally_ he put his lips around him.

Each time he felt the warmth of his mouth, anywhere on him, it was a revelation. But once it was enveloping his dick, he couldn't think any more. He could see Ennoshita's head bobbing backwards and forwards, moved his hips to thrust into the delicious wetness tightening around him.

There was really no other reason for that small railing above the counter; there were hooks hanging from it, with some utensils and pans, but there was plenty of storage elsewhere. This railing was perfectly positioned for him to hold to keep himself steady.

When he felt the familiar pressure building, he threw his head back letting out a loud moan, and sent a metal spoon flying. They'd have to move them before they did this again.

Ennoshita tightened his lips around him, refusing to let him pull away this time. Terushima's whole body went numb, the feeling of the mouth around him the only thing he could, or wanted to, think about.

Bolts of pleasure pulsed along the length of his cock, concentrating and intensifying, until they released him from their grip; he was clawing his way towards Ennoshita, frantically trying to touch him back in some way.

Eventually, he wasn't sure how, he bent his body so he was level with his face, kissing him, and regretting it for the taste of himself on him, but still needing to do it, and not being able to stop doing it.

Yes, if such a thing as a sex shelf existed, this was definitely what this was.

*

'Chikara?'

'Hmm?'

'Did you decide where everything was going in the house?'

'Yeah. Well, it's my house, isn't it? I spent a lot of time in hospital just thinking about a good layout of rooms, where Mum and Dad would live, all that.'

'So. Did you design the kitchen counter that way on purpose?'

'Oh, yeah. Then if I was in the living room and someone was in the kitchen, I could talk to them, or they could keep an eye on me. Useful, right?'

'That's not what I mean. And you bloody know it.'

'I have no idea what you mean.'

'Very convenient height, that counter. Bit of a coincidence.'

'Are you accusing me of designing a sex shelf for us, Yuuji? Just so I could be the exact height to give you a blow job?'

'I fucking _knew_ it!'


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit angsty - maybe don't read this if you're fragile. It's (hopefully) a good mix of fluff and angst though)

The van pulled up outside his house, and Terushima felt ridiculously sick. He'd passed his test years ago, but hadn't really driven the family car much, and now he was going to attempt to drive a _van_.

'You'll be fine, honey bee, you're a good driver,' his Mother had been reassuring him for a good few hours. She was as scared as him underneath it all, he knew.

'Look at it! It's massive. I can't do it.'

'Just focus on why you're doing it.'

He looked back out, and Jin was walking up to the door. Ennoshita sat in the back of the van, peering through the side window. That was enough for his resolve; he was doing this for Ennoshita, for them both, so they could go out together alone.

He could do it, he reminded himself he had to if he wanted any kind of future with Ennoshita – which he did.

His Mother had already opened the door and was chatting to Jin, but he was still staring through the window at the van. He heard her say his name somewhere in the background, and turned to look at them both.

'Huh?'

'Maybe you should have left Chikara at home the first time?' she said to Jin with a raised eyebrow.

'I tried, but he insisted on coming.'

'Ah, young love!' Tamiko held a hand to her chest and fluttered her eyelashes, sarcastically.

He walked out to the van with Jin, and Ennoshita could finally see him, starting to smile widely. Jin opened the sliding door on the side of the van, and it became even wider.

'You okay? Don't worry, it'll be fine.' His voice was reassuring, and Terushima could feel himself relaxing. 'It's only a huge metal box on wheels, filled with flammable liquid and something which causes sparks. What can go wrong?'

All the colour drained from Terushima's face, and Ennoshita laughed at him.

'Chikara! That's not helping,' his Dad berated him. 'Yuuji's worried, this isn't the time to be a smartarse.'

'He knows I'm teasing! It's fine. Right?' But when he looked at him properly, he immediately started apologising. 'Oh shit, sorry, you really _are_ nervous. Look, it's smaller than the minibus, it's barely bigger than a car.'

Terushima eyed the van; it was definitely smaller than the thing David drove, only having space in the back for one wheelchair instead of two. There was only the front row of two seats too. He was right, it wasn't much bigger than a large car.

'Okay, I can do it. Let's go.'

Jin closed the van door, and turned to face him solemnly. 'You have precious cargo here. Don't go too fast, and don't swing around corners quickly, or he'll fall over and we'll have to stop and sort him out.'

He thought he was prepared, and now more spanners were being thrown into the works. 'I'll be careful, I promise.'

'Just. Think on.'

He walked around to the driver's side, and settled into the seat. Jin helped him adjust the other side mirror so he could see properly; he was horrified to find the rear view mirror was basically unusable due to Ennoshita sitting in front of the back window. He'd have to rely on the side mirrors almost exclusively.

He gulped and looked in the rear view mirror, Ennoshita catching his eye; he smiled and blew a kiss. 'You're going to be fine, my love. I trust you.'

Maybe he wouldn't only look in the side mirrors after all.

–

'So how was it?' Toshi asked as she opened the door for them.

'It was fine! I don't know why he was so worried.' Earl jumped on his knee the moment Terushima pushed him inside, followed by Jin carrying a leather holdall, and a large carrier bag.

'That bag is clinking, Yuuji, did you bring booze?' Toshi looked at him through narrowed eyes.

Terushima looked guilty. 'Urm, yeah. Mum said I should bring wine for you, to say thanks. Sorry, do you not drink. I should have thought...'

Jin interrupted him, 'No! It's fine, she's teasing you.'

'You'd think I'd be used to it by now, from him,' he pointed his thumb at Ennoshita, who pretended to be shocked. He hung up his coat and settled Ennoshita by the armchair where he liked to sit.

Toshi and Jin excused themselves to go and start making dinner, so he took the time to have his first look around. The decorations were few, but beautifully arranged, a large tree by the main windows, covered in baubles of varying shades of blue, a mountain of gifts under its lowest branches. He noticed with fondness there were four stockings hanging along the edge of the kitchen counter, in the absence of a fireplace.

'I've never had a stocking!' he said, turning around and grinning at Ennoshita. 'Is one of these for me?'

'You're so cute! Of course! Who else?'

He went and sat on the armchair next to him, leaning on his leg and looking upwards at him. Ennoshita threw his hand over him, smiling back. The cat mewed in annoyance at having to share him, but soon calmed when Terushima stroked her, and settled on his other leg instead.

'What else happens on Christmas Eve?'

'We watch a DVD. A new one every year. Then afterwards we always watch The Muppets Christmas Carol.'

'And what's for tea?'

'Iffits.' He smiled at Terushima's look of confusion. 'Grandma invented that. Cause “If it's there, you can eat it”. Basically, it's like pork pie and cheese and crisps, you know.'

'Scotch eggs?'

'Absolutely.' He leant down as far as he could, and Terushima stretched the rest of the way to kiss him. 'And we have snowballs. You had one of those? Advocaat and lemonade.'

'What's Advocaat?'

'I think it's like eggnog. It's definitely eggs. But some rum too I think?'

Terushima stuck out his tongue and made a retching noise at the thought of eggs and lemonade, and Ennoshita snorted and nudged him with his hand. At that moment, Toshi came back in carrying a tray, and placed it on the coffee table.

Terushima jumped up. 'Can I help?'

'No, no. Stay there. It's all sorted. Pull over the little table, if you like. It's easier to feed Chikara then.' Terushima looked to where she was pointing, and brought over a small folding table, setting it in front of the armchair he was sitting in.

Jin also came through with a tray and laid it next to the other one; both had a selection of food on them, including pickles, meats, cheese, and as expected, scotch eggs. They each took a plate, piling food onto it, Terushima checking what Ennoshita would like on his, and Jin fetched everyone a glass of yellow fizzy liquid.

'Yuuji's never had a snowball, Dad. What _is_ Advocaat? Is it really rum and eggs?'

'I've got no idea. I try not to think about what's in stuff when I eat or drink it.'

Terushima took two glasses, and they all clinked them together, shouting, 'Cheers!' He gave Ennoshita a drink first, before trying it himself. The other three looked at him, waiting for his reaction. It was slightly better than rum, eggs and lemonade mixed together sounded – but only slightly. He didn't want to be rude, or to lie, so he stuck to saying, 'It's not too bad.'

The film started, and the four of them ate and drank as it ran in the background. It wasn't too hard to follow, a standard superhero movie. The lights were dim, the chairs comfortable and the atmosphere cosy; it was like everything he'd seen in Christmas films, right down to the twinkling lights on the tree, and the warm cat nuzzling his hand as it rested on Ennoshita's lap.

Gunpowder finally made an appearance, running through the living room at full pelt to get to the cat food Toshi put down for them. Earl lazily stretched, and reluctantly jumped off Ennoshita to go and get her own food. Jin opened up the wine they'd been gifted, pouring everyone a glass. Ennoshita stopped after only half of his, saying he was feeling a bit woozy already, so Terushima poured the remains into his own glass.

Before the second film finished, the wine was already gone, and Terushima had already dozed off, leaning on Ennoshita's arm. He woke with a start when Jin moved him so he could take Ennoshita into his bedroom; rousing himself, he made his way to the kitchen to offer a hand.

Toshi had already started washing up, so he started drying the pots as she handed them to him.

'Thanks for inviting me,' he said, his hand inside a mug printed all over with cartoon cats. 'And for the food and stuff.'

'It's quite alright. It's a pleasure having you around. You make Chikara happy.'

He looked down at the mug as he dried it, not trusting himself to meet her eye. 'He makes me happy, too.'

She smiled at him. 'That's good to know.'

'He's being discharged next week for good, right?'

She nodded and carried on wiping crumbs from the large trays that had held the food, before slipping them along the side of the fridge. 'We'll be seeing a lot of you, I suppose?'

'If that's okay?

'Oh of course!' She turned to him smiling. 'You're always welcome.'

They carried on working through the plates and cutlery. She seemed to be distracted by something; Terushima thought she might just be a bit tipsy, his own head was quite fuzzy after the wine.

'You love him, don't you?'

'Absolutely.' There was no hesitation.

She turned to face him properly, her face suddenly serious. 'You want to learn how to take care of him? Everything? Even his bowel care, if he gets infections. All that?'

He wasn't sure where the conversation had come from, or was heading, but he had a bad feeling about it. 'Of course. Whatever I need to know.' He repeated himself again for good measure. 'I love Chikara.'

She bit her lip, and looked to her side, hesitant as she spoke. 'Jin worries you're too young for this. He thinks the novelty might wear off.'

He snapped his head up to meet hers. 'I hope not. I...I'm not sure what I'd do if he left me now.'

She squeezed his shoulder. 'Not him. You. He thinks the novelty of...a boyfriend in a wheelchair will wear off as you get older. When you want what he can't give you, you're going to leave him. Stranded.'

Whatever he might have expected, it wasn't that. He thought Jin liked him; it felt like a kick in the teeth.

'I don't think he knows me very well if he believes that.' He tried not to sound as angry as he was; he was in someone else's house after all. 'I know I've not been perfect, I've done stupid things. But he's not a novelty. I'm sorry if it seems too soon, or we're too young, but...this is it. For me, at least.'

'I'm sorry if I offended you...' she began speaking, but he cut her off, shaking his hand between them.

'I'm not offended. I'm upset that Jin thinks that of me.' He looked at his hands, still wiping the mug which had been dry five minutes ago.

'Can you forget I mentioned it? I never should have said anything.'

'I'll try.' He put down the mug and the tea towel. 'Would it be okay if I left the rest of this for the morning? I'd like to go to bed now.'

She nodded, and watched as he pressed the button on the intercom. 'I'm coming to bed,' he spoke into it, before gathering together his bag and walking off to their room. He knocked on the door and entered as Jin was finishing undressing Ennoshita.

'I can finish off here. You get off to bed,' he said to his Dad. He started to argue, but Ennoshita said it was fine, he knew what needed to be done.

Once Jin left, Terushima finished getting him ready for bed, lifting him onto his side, propping pillows around him, and arranging everything neatly. He dragged over the other single bed, pushing it up against Ennoshita's and putting the brakes on the wheels.

He didn't speak as he prepared for bed, Ennoshita watching him the whole time; putting on a pair of loose pyjama bottoms, cleaning his teeth, making sure they both had everything they needed. He turned off all the lights except the small one attached to the wall above them, and slid under the sheets of his bed. He was close enough that he could put his arms around Ennoshita, being careful not to put too much weight onto the air filled mattress, or to lie on the catheter.

He held him close, feeling his warmth as they cuddled under the shared duvet. His hand cradled his head, pushing his face into his neck; he didn't want him to see his face, tears were threatening, frustration at the beautiful evening they had all spent together ruined by what Ennoshita's Father believed.

Underneath it all, he knew it wasn't Jin's fault, but his own. He'd been the one who'd made mistakes; Ennoshita's parents would have seen the effect ignoring his phone calls would have had, they'd had the nurses ringing them when no one knew where Terushima was, they'd been there on the Monday night after he left the hospital, leaving him lying there upset and betrayed.

Of course they would blame him. They loved their son, they didn't want to see him hurting again, any more than Terushima did.

Ennoshita sighed into his neck, as he felt the initial moistness and heard the first hitched breath that signified the start of crying.

'Mum told you what Dad thinks, didn't she?'

–

He eventually got to sleep in the early hours. Ennoshita had insisted he move his arms from around him and turn the light off at sometime around two. It seemed the fantasy of falling asleep holding each other wasn't one that would come true, the crick in Ennoshita's neck coming between them.

He was awake before the birds started to chirp, and watched him sleeping, gentle exhales blowing across his arm as it lay as close as possible without disturbing him.

Was this irredeemable? Would he be forever plagued by one stupid mistake? It felt as if everyone in Ennoshita's life was so protective of him, they were unable to see just how hopelessly in love with him he was.

He was in no disillusions about their future, and he never had been; it would be difficult, some of it, but the rest was so easy. At the back of his mind he couldn't help but think, Who would choose this, unless they were in love?

Would it have been easier if he'd been more fully into his recovery? If they'd never met before the accident? If they were older, if he was a woman, if they lived in America, a host of different alternate realities stretched through his head.

He decided to get up and make a drink, to try and stop his thoughts from plaguing him. Carefully, he lifted the covers, slipping out of the side of the bed. He checked Ennoshita, but he seemed to still be sleeping, so he went off to the kitchen, leaving all the doors ajar.

He made two coffees, in case Ennoshita woke up and wanted one; if he didn't, he'd drink two, he needed the caffeine.

On his way back, he noticed something he'd missed before; two stockings were leaning against the wall outside their bedroom, a tag hanging from each with their initials. It was Christmas morning, and here was his first ever stocking, guiltily placed there by Toshi sometime during the night as he cried in her son's arms.

He crept in, pulling over a small folding table, the house seemed to be full of them for convenience, placing the cups onto it.

'Mornin',' came a soft voice from the bed.

'Sorry. Did I wake you up?'

'Nah, I always wake up about six. Is that coffee?'

'Yeah, I brought you one as well.' He climbed across his bed, and dipped to kiss Ennoshita's cheek. 'Sleep well?'

'Ish. I was worried about you. You doing okay?'

'Ish.' He stretched out along the edge of the bed, arms above his head, before turning to the side and smiling at Ennoshita. 'Merry Christmas.'

'Oh, God, yeah! Merry Christmas. Has he been?'

'Has who been?'

'Santa.' He looked at him wide-eyed, a perfectly straight face.

Playing along, he put a hand on his cheek. 'Chikara, I don't know how to tell you this...'

'No! I don't want to know! Don't ruin it!' He closed his eyes and started singing. 'La la la, not listening.'

'If you insist on living in denial, then yes, he's been. Shall we see what he brought?'

His voice was sleepy and demanding, like the child he was imitating. 'C'mere first. Cuddle.'

Terushima did as he asked, and the stockings stayed unopened for another hour.

–

The coffee ended up going cold, so Terushima went to heat it in the microwave. While he waited, he found the carrier bag from the day before, and unpacked the gifts he'd brought with him, mixing them with the other gifts under the tree. There was a joint gift for his parents, as well as separate ones for each of them, and a small pile for Ennoshita.

Buying gifts hadn't been easy; usually he loved buying presents, but every time he found something, he wondered if it would be in poor taste, if he could even use it. He found an amazing book about cinematography, but then wondered how he would read it. He'd bought it anyway, if he needed him to turn every page for him as he read, he would do so.

The other gifts were mainly silly in-jokes; a Levi Ackerman figurine, a pair of socks with pineapples on them, a replica wallet of a prop from a Tarantino film. The thing he was most proud of was probably the most ridiculous thing he'd ever bought anyone; he'd found someone online who knitted food, and commissioned a knitted scotch egg, with googly eyes.

The microwave finished, so he took the mugs back to their room, picking up the stockings as he passed.

'So, your first Christmas morning, and you get to open _two_ stockings.'

Terushima sat next to him, crossed legged and still shirtless, the stockings in his lap. 'I never thought of that! Merry bloody Christmas to me.'

'And I get to ogle you while you do it. Everyone's a winner.'

The stockings contained nothing earth shattering, but Terushima still cooed over everything; a net bag of chocolate coins, a handful of monkey nuts, a satsuma, a small notebook with a Y on the front, a yellow pen with a parrot on the end, and a round plastic ball containing a figurine from an ice skating anime they'd started watching.

Ennoshita had exactly the same contents, except his notebook had a C of course, and his pen was blue with a horse on it. He admitted he'd been the one to get the anime figurines online when Terushima was amazed by how the balls contained the perfect characters for each of them.

'Oh! I was thinking it was, you know, fate.' He held them both up to the light. 'They're so cute! Look! They're in their pair skating costumes.' He thrust them closer to Ennoshita's face, who laughed at him.

'Dude, I know, I bought them. Don't let the coffee go cold again.'

'Oh shit, yeah.' He reached for the cups, slipping a straw into Ennoshita's and balancing it on the pillow so he could reach it. 'Shall we have a satsuma?'

'It's Christmas. We have chocolate for breakfast, and put those things back where they came from.'

'Or so help me!' Terushima finished by singing, and then they both laughed, and he moved the cups so he could kiss him, and Ennoshita called him a meme-lord and bit his neck while giggling.

They ate their chocolate coins, finished the coffee. Terushima started writing a list in his notebook of the things they wanted to watch next year, and places they should go now he could drive the van, and they discussed why peanuts in shells are called monkey nuts, and what the difference is between a satsuma, a tangerine and a clementine.

With all the distractions, Terushima could almost pretend his heart wasn't breaking.

–

At eight o'clock, Ennoshita was the first to bring it up. He knew it would be, he would never have said anything if it was up to him.

'We need to talk about last night. I'm going to be getting up soon. Don't you think we should discuss it before you see my parents?'

'If we have to.' He was back to sitting cross-legged on the bed, although now he'd put on a t-shirt to keep out the cool morning air.

'I understand why you were upset. But you know why they might think that, right?'

'Of course I do. I'm well aware of what I did.'

'It's not just that, love. It's only been eight months. So much has happened, and it's not even a year! Last Christmas, we were in the old house, and I was getting ready for A levels, and planning university. Now I'm paralysed, and we live here, and I'm in love with another man. It's...of course they're worried.'

'So it's because I'm a man, not because we're young?'

'That's not what I meant. Don't put words in my mouth, Yuuji.'

The strain that had been threatening to burst the festive atmosphere was starting to seep through. 'Do you think they'd think I would get bored with you if I was a woman?'

'Why are you even asking this? It's _not_ because you're a man. Let's not say anything we're going to regret.'

Terushima sighed. 'It wasn't me that started talking about who was going to leave first. If this is too hard for you, maybe we really should break it off now.'

'Why do you keep talking about breaking it off? You did this before, when you...before.'

'I was joking that time.'

'And now?' His chin had started to wobble, and Terushima felt as if he'd been backed into a corner.

'Well, I'm not joking, but I'm not saying I want to break up.' He moved off the bed, pacing away, so he didn't have to see his trembling lip as he struggled not to cry. 'I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know where this is going.'

'Us? Or this conversation?'

'Both! Fucking hell.' He turned around, his voice raising. 'I don't know! Am I ever going to be good enough for you?'

'None of that came from me! It's not me who thinks you aren't good enough!'

'So you're saying your Dad _doesn't_ think I'm good enough? Or do you mean your Mum? Or maybe Keiji?' Somewhere during the shouting, he'd started pulling together more clothing, his socks, his shoes, putting some of it back on, stuffing the rest into his bag.

'No one said that! Jesus Christ. Sit back down!'

'It was implied.' He started lacing up his shoes. 'No one seems to care what I think.'

' _I_ care!' He was crying now, and on instinct Terushima took over a tissue to wipe his eyes.

His voice was softer now he was closer, but he was still on the verge of either punching a wall, or breaking down himself. 'I want a future with you, Chikara. But if those futures aren't the same, then what's the point? I can't live with everyone around you not trusting me. I fucking _love_ you. I want to be with you, and go everywhere we wrote on that list with you. I'm _not_ going to get bored of you!'

'I'm not saying you will! I...I want you to understand why my Dad might think that. Can you see his side?'

His eyes became colder, and he bent the black pipe around so Ennoshita could reach the mouth-piece. 'I just spilled my guts to you, and you're trying to get me to see your Dad's side. I can already see his side! I know I'm a fuck-up, I don't need reminding!' He started walking out of the door, picking up his bag on the way.

'What are you doing? Where are you...Yuuji, don't go!'

'Sorry, I can't deal with this right now.' He walked through the door, crumbling once he was past the door frame. He could hear Ennoshita shouting after him, his voice fading with distance.

'Yuuji! This is so unfair! I can't follow you.'

He already knew that, and that was what made it easier to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be a soft fluffy Christmas chapter - I have no idea what happened.


	20. Chapter 20

(Dictated December 25th – edited by Keiji December 28th \- including footnotes I didn't ask for in bold)

_The last thing I remember touching is the hand of the player wearing the number 10 jersey for Date Tech. I wish it were something more poignant, like the hand of my Mother or a lover or something. But it's the hand of a player I don't even know the name of._

_I wish I remembered any of the times I touched the ball during that last game, the sting of it against my forearms as I received it. I mean, I still remember that feeling, of course, but I don't remember the LAST time, just general touches of the ball over the years I played._

_I simply don't remember any of that particular game, and I wish I'd paid more attention now._

_Of course, if I'd paid more attention, I probably wouldn't have run into that wall at all, and I wouldn't be reminiscing about a stranger's hand in the first place._

_I touched Yuuji's hand once before, that time we played their school. I shook his hand in the line-up, just like Date Tech. I wish I'd paid attention then as well, just to the feeling of it. We take those things for granted._

_I remember him from that day, of course, even if I can't remember the feel of his hand. Everyone who meets him always remembers him, it's just how he is._

_He made an impression on our team by being a hotheaded idiot on court, and then a prick to Kiyoko. He made an impression on me too, I watched him the entire game. He wasn't serious, not at all, and it was such a contrast to our team. He was lively and energetic and laughed and shouted and for a moment or two, I wanted to be on his team instead._

_Of course I thought he was a prick as well – he's a prick a lot of the time, and he was back then even more so – but I thought he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen anyway._

_When his mouth was closed, which wasn't often, his smile was lopsided, higher on one corner than the other. Not a smirk, kinder than that, more of an invitation to join in with what he was smiling at. I could tell his eyes were brown, but there was so much light reflected there, they looked like tortoise shell. Plus, not to sound like a pervert, but his body... the tight muscle of his arms flexing with every spike, the defined stomach which would show when his shirt hitched up, even his calves were perfect for crying out loud._

_I thought about speaking to him, but in the end, I let him leave without saying a word to him. I cursed my shyness, but hearing the team mention him sometimes in relation to his badgering Kiyoko (while also frequently badgering her themselves...) made me think it was probably best I never said anything._

_Then a few weeks later, we went to a training camp, and I got talking to Keiji, and the point was moot; I had a kind of on/off boyfriend, without a real label, and I forgot about the boy I didn't speak to, in that way only young people can._

  
  


**(That was only two years ago. You're still young, why do you always talk like a pompous 80 year old?)**

  
  


_I blearily looked up at a voice saying my name that day in April, thinking I must still be asleep. The whole week in hospital, I'd done little else. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything, I had what I required pumped into my arm, and then what I didn't need pumped out again. Existence that week was pointless, for want of a better word._

_I saw the golden hair of that boy I had a crush on the year before, and it was like an oasis in the desert of the hospital; it was then I knew I must be hallucinating from thirst, there was no other explanation._

_But, as I came round, I remembered Ryuu telling me someone from Johzenji worked at the hospital, and I realised it really must be him. Of all the people it could have been, it was that boy, the attractive, athletic, dickhead I never spoke to._

_If I was religious, I would say God has strange plans for us all. I'm not though, so what do I blame? Was it fate or cruel irony? That he'd reappeared at the worst point in my life?_

_Of course, he was a complete angel. He was kind and sweet, he got me an ice cube, which was all I wanted right at that moment. Later on, he stayed when I was feeling pathetic, and read to me until I fell asleep. His voice deep, the soft lilt of it sending shivers down my spine._

_How could this be that same prick I watched asking Kiyoko for her phone number?_

_Even more astonishingly, he came back the next week, and the next one. He gave me my dinner, he wiped my eyes – and when no one else noticed just how upset I was when realisation started to creep up on me, that I wouldn't walk again, he turned up, reassuring me, with a fucking scotch egg of all things._

_As he kept coming back, week after week, I could see how it was the same person. There are two sides to Yuuji; he has a public face that hides his insecurities, but underneath it he's sensitive and frightened of failing, or of not being in control._

_It's why he laughs when his team are losing, because he doesn't want anyone to know he cares about it so much. It's why he strained not to cry in front of me – all the goddamn time when he first started visiting, now not so much – because he doesn't want me to know how affected he is by the situation I'm in. It's also why he's often a massive bellend, because the threat is ever present that people will find out about the real Yuuji._

_He wanted Kiyoko's phone number, then he didn't stop asking because he didn't want to lose face in front of everyone. Once he got distracted, I think he knew what he'd been doing and left, embarrassed._

_That's the Yuuji I know._

_The way he treated me that weekend he ignored me was wrong, I know that. But I understand why he did it. He avoided me because he didn't want me to know just how much he needed me. It makes no sense at all, not to me, not to anyone I know, but it made sense to Yuuji I guess._

_I can't believe he ever thought I wouldn't need him._

_I honestly don't think he'd do it again. I told him if he did I wouldn't forgive him. I like to think I'd stick to my guns, but I love him so much, I think I probably would, if I'm honest._

_I'd never tell him that though. Even I hide my true self sometimes. We all do. Like we all make mistakes; as long as we admit them and study them, they can even be a fantastic learning tool._

  
  


**(This is so transparent. Do you think I don't know what you're doing?)**

  
  


_I've made a mistake today._

_I let him leave. Not that I had much choice, but he never would have wanted to leave if I'd listened to him properly._

_I called Mum on the intercom, obviously, so she knew I was alone. She was shocked he'd gone, but I told her not to blame him, it wasn't like last time. This time was my fault._

_(Keiji, sorry, dialogue is the absolute worst thing to dictate, I hope you can work this out.)_

_'Was it because of what I said last night?' she asked me. Knowing full well she really shouldn't have said anything in the first place, because I asked her not to._

_'Yes. He thinks Dad doesn't like him now.'_

_'But that's not what your Dad meant.'_

_'But that's how it sounded. Surely you can see that?'_

_Then she sighed. That sigh that Mums do when they think you don't understand something because they're an adult and you're a child. 'He's only eighteen. How can he know what he wants from life yet? We both just care about you.'_

_'So does he.'_

_'But what about when he doesn't any more?'_

_I don't understand this rhetoric. I got it from my Dad the night before too, and it didn't make any more sense hearing it again from my Mum. People go off people all the time, I'm not any more prone to it now just because of my accident._

_'That could happen. But you know, what if I end up not caring about him?'_

_'That's different.'_

_'It's not! You only ever been in love with Dad? You had other boyfriends, you've told me.'_

_Another sigh. 'Yes, but...'_

_'So we might split up one day. So what? Right now, he wants to be with me. I'm not putting pressure on him to be with me forever. That's only coming from you two. He thinks he's not good enough for me.'_

_'That isn't the problem!' She was raising her voice now, marginally better than the sighing._

_Then she told me something he said to her; he never actually told me their conversation, I'd just assumed she'd told him what Dad said and there was no more._

_'Chikara. It worries me because he told me this is it.'_

_Somehow those three words – this is it – mean even more than the other three little words everyone talks about, don't they? There's a finality to them, it's the implication behind them._

_This is it – I don't need (or want) to find anyone else._

_This is it – I can't imagine the way I feel about them being replicated._

_This is it – this is the last person I will ever love._

_For Yuuji, I am it._

  
  


**(This next paragraph was even worse to edit than the dialogue, you know. It was all over the place.)**

_And the thing that amazed me is that this was her issue, that he told her I am it, I'm the culmination of his life up to this point, and still she was worrying he was going to get bored of me._

_That's when I told her I was staying in bed, and I asked her to set up the laptop for me, and I opened up this document. Because I tried telephoning him before I called her in, and he didn't answer, and I need somewhere to say all these things going through my head._

_Because I love him as well, but do I feel that this is it in the same way? I mean, I don't even know how he even knows. He hasn't said that to me, only to Mum. Why wouldn't he tell me first?_

_And you know what the worst thing is? He's never done anything that should make them think he sees me as a novelty. He behaved like he did the only time he's ever hurt me, ever in all this time, all because he was scared I was going to get fed up with HIM not the other way around._

_If anything, this shows the way they feel about me, not how he does. Am I a novelty to my own fucking parents?_

_No, that's not fair, I'm just angry at the minute. But still._

_They should be happy that he loves me as much as he does. He wants to learn to look after me. You don't just learn that stuff for no reason._

_I wish they could see that. I wish they could see the way he looks at me; there's never any pity in his eyes._

_I don't want to say he doesn't see me as disabled, because of course he does. I don't want to say it doesn't matter to him that I'm disabled, cause that's not true either. He gets angrier than I do about access and injustice, and it's all because he cares so damn much. He doesn't even love me_ despite _being disabled, because being me and being disabled are wrapped up together. It's more like...well, he just loves ME doesn't he?_

_*_

_So when he looks at me, he sees everything, every bit of me, and he loves it all no matter what._

_He knows where I can feel him touching or kissing me and where I can't, but he just touches or kisses me everywhere anyway; when I can't feel it, he can, and he's enjoying it. I enjoy his pleasure, more than anything._

_And fuck, the feeling I get when he comes – I did that to him, he's feeling that because of me._

_I might not be able to join in with that side of things, but I'm not missing anything. His skin is so sweet, I swear he tastes like cherries, and he's always warm, and slightly fuzzy... maybe more like a peach then? It's some kind of fruit though, and his mouth is like the inside of it, juicy and ripe._

_When we're hugging, we're pressed against each other, and although I can't feel everything, I can feel the closeness, and the intimacy, and that's what's important._

_When I'm kissing him, his lips feel so good against mine; they're sensitive, and I see how much he's enjoying it, and I just want to carry on doing it, so he enjoys it even more._

_When we're making love, and he's in my mouth, it's both of those things. I experiment with what I'm doing to him, and watch for reactions, and do whatever I can so it's the best feeling he's ever had – but it's also the closest you can be to someone, one inside the other._

_Even though it might not be the traditional way of being intimate with a lover, it's all still right there, everything that's important about it._

  
  


**(You should definitely try writing gay smut. This reads like every terrible sports anime fanfic I've ever read.)**

  
  


_In some weird way, I think this has helped. It's helped me realise how much I love him._

_I think I might be ready to get up, maybe try ringing him again before lunch; if I can't get through, I'll just open some presents, and talk to my parents about how I feel._

  
  


**(I'm not really sure why you asked me to edit this. If you're planning to write a script or book about your life, and I think you should, I'm sure this will be useful somewhere.**

**However, I suspect you're trying to convince me to forgive him. Because there's too many people in your life already who think he isn't good enough for you.**

**You want me on your side? I'm always on your side, and if that means accepting Yuuji, then I shall accept him.**

**So, if I say I'm convinced, do you promise to stop sending me things like this to edit? I'm not sure I can look Yuuji in the eye any more after hearing how much you like sucking his cock.)**

  
  


–

  
  


Terushima's parents hadn't been expecting him back, obviously. They eyed him with sympathy when he walked in, interrupting their breakfast, but they delved no deeper than checking that Ennoshita was alright.

He drifted in and out of fitful sleep throughout the day, headphones on, barely aware of the time passing. At the point he woke up and darkness was closing in, he checked his phone, surprised to see the battery was almost dead, and it was past five. His stomach rumbled, and he realised the only thing he'd eaten all day was some chocolate coins, and his memories flooded back with a start.

He clawed around next to his bed to plug in the charger. There were a couple more missed calls from Ennoshita, as well as a few texts from friends wishing him a happy Christmas, and a red dot next to his voicemail; it was from the last call Ennoshita had tried, at about midday.

'Hey. I just called your home phone, your Mum says you're asleep. I'll stop trying to ring now, but I wanted to say how sorry I am. I thought back on what you said, and...I can't believe I ignored it. I just...wanted...I so wanted you to get on with them. My parents. And when it looked like you weren't, I wanted to solve it. I'm always trying to solve things, instead of listening. Look. I'll...leave you alone for a bit. But...I liked what you said. So yeah. Bye.'

The last word was soft, apologetic, and it gripped his heart. He pressed the call back button, but the phone just rang, before being picked up by the answering service after a few rings. His bag was still by the front door where he'd dropped it; he picked it up, and poked his head into the living room where his parents were watching television.

'Sorry to just run off, I'm going back over,' he quickly told them, before flying out of the front door.

At the bottom of the drive, he realised he'd left his phone charging, and thought about whether to go back in and pick it up. Without the hesitation, he wouldn't have been there to see the van pull up, and Toshi rush out of it.

'Stop! Wait! Don't go anywhere.' She pulled open the side door, and Ennoshita was there, frantic and worried and smiling all at once.

'Yuuji! I got Mum to bring me round. I had to see you.'

'I didn't really have much choice,' she said to him, 'He got to the front door by himself, then realised he couldn't open it, and had a minor breakdown.'

'Mum, shush! He doesn't need to know that.'

Terushima climbed into the van, grabbed his face, and kissed him deep and hard on the mouth. As Ennoshita responded, they heard a throat clearing, and Toshi saying, 'I'll just nip inside and say hello to your Mum, shall I?'

'Do you want me to get you out?' Terushima asked him, finally pulling away.

'No need. Come back home with me. We can still have Christmas, you've got all your presents to open, and I've only opened one of mine.'

He hesitated. 'But your Dad...'

'Please? I'll tell you what happened, but... you're good enough for me. I told them both. I kind of ruined Christmas by being miserable and not getting out of bed, and then going on and on about how much I like you. You owe us.' He was smirking, only half serious.

Terushima kissed him and looked back towards the house. 'Oh, look. We've got an audience.' He pointed towards the window where their Mothers were both standing, Tamiko twitching the curtain. He waved at them both, and they pretended not to be looking.

'You do realise she's probably inviting them over as well, don't you?'

Terushima leaned and looked into the front seat. 'She's left the keys in the ignition. Shall we just run off together now?'

'Don't tempt me.'

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite trope IN THE WORLD is 'we weren't sure whether they liked them in the same way and now we find out they liked them all along AND FOR LONGER


	21. Chapter 21

Ennoshita was right, she did invite them over; they politely declined, although both of them came out to wish him a merry Christmas.

The drive back to the bungalow was filled with unasked questions, the three of them focusing on the neighbours' decorations and what films were on that evening instead. Terushima was dying to know what she'd said to his parents, but he didn't ask; if Toshi had said anything remotely interesting, his Mum would probably tell him later.

It was slightly strange greeting Jin, knowing that they all knew exactly what he thought. He was polite enough, but there must have been a reason he didn't answer the phone earlier when Terushima tried calling.

Thinking of his phone made him remember it was still at home plugged in, so he called his parents and checked that they had the Ennoshita's number in case they needed him for anything. Tamiko rushed him off the phone with a, 'We can manage without you, just go and enjoy Christmas!'

Toshi offered him a drink, and he was forced to ask if he could possibly have something to eat, his stomach was now so painfully empty.

'We've saved your Christmas dinner on a plate. Shall I heat it up?' It was such a thoughtful gesture, he couldn't help but wonder what had happened in the hours he'd been gone that had made them remember to keep some food for him.

He nodded, thanking her, although thinking it was a shame his first ever Christmas dinner would be eaten alone, off a folding table. When she brought it through, they'd also saved him a Christmas cracker to go with it, and there was a glass of something which had started off much fizzier than it was now. He offered the cracker to Jin to pull, a brightly coloured, makeshift olive branch, and they groaned at the bad joke, laughed at him pulling the paper crown over his hair.

As he ate, they opened the gifts he'd brought for them, both of them touched by the separate gifts of socks and toiletries, even though it was the least imaginative present he could have bought.

Afterwards, he took his empty plate away, and sat closer to Ennoshita, while his parents took it in turns to open the gifts he'd got for him, shaking and squeezing them, teasing the paper off to prolong the excitement for him.

'This is a book, I'm sure,' his Father said, ripping the paper off the big square parcel slowly.

'I'm not sure what this is,' his Mother said, shaking the Levi figurine in its strangely shaped packet, saying again after she'd ripped the paper off, 'I still don't know what it is!'

'I already opened the scotch egg,' he leaned and whispered as Toshi and Jin went to fetch drinks and some more snacks for everyone. 'That's what finally made me crack. Mum found me crying by the back door. I think I was planning to make my way to your house in my electric chair.'

'But you forgot about opening doors?'

'Yeah. I'd already been telling them how much you loved me, and then Mum opened that up, and I just...where did you even get a knitted scotch egg? Who makes those?'

'Girl on Etsy. She doesn't usually. I asked her to make it.'

'See? You're so thoughtful.' He sighed. 'So I just pushed my way to the door, without thinking. I just had to see you.'

'That would have been so romantic, if you showed up on my doorstep in your wheelchair.'

'It would have been a fucking miracle. Quick, before they come back, give us a kiss.'

He wasn't sure if he'd ever get over being asked to kiss him; it retained an innocence in their physical relationship, one he cherished even though it was borne of inconvenience. Terushima could only hear it as being wanted by him, and he'd always be happy to oblige.

–

They all watched a terrible film, a constant background chatter from Ennoshita about why it was so bad interrupted only by the cats meowing in displeasure at not being allowed to finish off the food scraps on their plates.

'Do you ever just shut up and watch a film?' he finally said when his patience had run out, Toshi and Jin joining in laughing, clearly used to this habit of his.

'Not when it's this bad.'

Afterwards, his parents went up to their bedroom. Terushima argued at first, but then Ennoshita told him he'd treated them to a box-set of their favourite TV show, and a bottle of champagne which was chilling up there, and he didn't feel so bad.

'Just give us a buzz when you want to go to bed, alright?' Jin said as he walked up.

Once they were alone, Terushima dimmed the lights a little more, sat a little closer. It was the first time they'd been alone since their reunion in the car; he made them both comfortable with his arms around Ennoshita, pulling him in close.

They picked back up from where they left off earlier, lips languidly moving against each other as if they'd never been apart. He tasted of cranberry sauce, the bitter-sweet tang taking him by surprise, and mixed with his usual spiced aftershave, it was like being kissed by Christmas. He hadn't even realised he still had his paper hat on until Ennoshita knocked it off when he dragged him closer to him with an arm slung around his neck.

They parted laughing, and Terushima pulled himself in to rest against his chest, listening to his heart beating. Ennoshita dropped his head against him, and they sat there for a few minutes, breathing in tandem.

Suddenly, Ennoshita lifted his head up. 'Hey! You haven't opened your presents yet! Come on, your turn now. That pile there is yours.'

'Under the tree?'

Ennoshita nodded, so he walked over to find about twenty presents still remained. 'All of these? I wasn't expecting so many!'

'You're joking. You are the easiest person to buy gifts for, I could have got twice as many.'

'This is too much,' he said, picking them all up and bringing them over to the folding table.

'Well, I'll take away the ones you think are the shittiest, shall I? Three are from Mum and Dad, anyway, the ones in different paper.'

Ennoshita told him which he wanted him to open first, and he worked his way through them; there were three manga volumes he'd been talking about reading after they'd seen the anime, four DVDs he'd been meaning to watch, and a selection of new t-shirts with various logos from his favourite things. The best gift, and what finally made him complain that his own gifts were inadequate, was a vintage silk shirt, patterned with soft shades of blue and green paisley.

Eventually Ennoshita got crabby, and told him to stop saying there were too many presents, as it was taking all the enjoyment out of giving him things. He apologised, and moved to open the ones from Toshi and Jin; they'd also got him a t-shirt, another manga volume and some aftershave, he suspected with some guidance from Ennoshita.

'Well, that's it. Christmas over for another year,' Ennoshita finally said once the paper was despatched to the recycling bin.

'What kind of miserable thing to say is that?'

'Oh, it's tradition,' he said, as Terushima walked behind him, trailing a hand along his shoulder. 'Someone has to say it every time all the presents are open.'

'So, now what happens?' He walked around the side of him, moving his hand to undo the buttons of his shirt, and starting to kiss along the collarbone he exposed.

Ennoshita tilted his head back, eyes fluttering slightly. 'Well, if I might suggest, maybe it's time for some make-up sex?'

'Is that strictly traditional?' Terushima was now straddling his knee, pressing up against him. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, tugging at it lightly with his teeth.

Unexpectedly, Ennoshita moved his arm on the controls, reversing the wheelchair, shocking Terushima as his feet were dragged along the floor with it.

'Chika! Fucking hell!' He lifted his feet onto the foot-plates, and let himself be carried in his lap. Ennoshita turned the chair, so they were moving forward, and carried on towards his bedroom, keeping an eye on where they were going as he kissed Terushima's neck. 'Is this even safe?'

'Probably not. Let's try it anyway.'

The wheelchair suffered no lasting ill effects, despite the misuse it suffered that night. The main problem caused was Ennoshita's catheter leaking after Terushima straddled his lap and rutted into his stomach, but by that point it didn't even matter any more.

–

The next morning he woke up, head still on Ennoshita's pillow from the night before. He was second to wake up, and felt the light touch of lips to his forehead as soon as he opened his eyes.

'Happy birthday, my love,' he lifted his head to reach his lips, feeling him smile underneath his.

'It really must be my birthday, if you're kissing me with my morning breath.'

'Don't get used to it.' He nuzzled back into his shoulder, closing his eyes again. 'What's the time?'

'How the fuck should I know?' he laughed, 'Check your phone.'

Terushima reached behind him to try and find it, but ended up giving in and moving away from Ennoshita as it had fallen on the floor. Blearily, he checked the screen. 'It's about nine.'

'Holy shit!'

'What?'

'Look at your neck. Did I do that?'

Terushima opened his phone's camera, turning it on himself, laughing with delight at the bruises on his neck. 'You've never managed to give me a love-bite this big! You must have been going some.'

'Why are you so happy about it? Shit, hang on. What's mine like?'

'Oh fuck. I never thought of that.' He pulled down the sheet covering Ennoshita, and his eyes widened. 'Oh my God, I'm so sorry!' He threw himself back onto the bed next to him, burrowing his face into his neck.

'Well. That's just brilliant. Is it really bad?'

Terushima turned onto his back, and held the phone above them to show him. Ennoshita's face mirrored his own shock, and he gently head-butted him.

'You dick!' His laughter betrayed the angry tone he was trying to speak in, especially when Terushima went to kiss his neck. 'Don't make it any worse!'

'Look up here,' he said, pointing at his phone.

Ennoshita looked sideways at him instead. 'Don't take a picture,' he said, just as Terushima pressed the button. They were still looking at each other, so Ennoshita leaned in and kissed him, and Terushima took another.

They were both giggling by now, and Terushima took a few more photos in quick succession.

'Do you want your present now?'

'Better not be another love bite...'

'It's on my phone, hang on.' He brought his phone closer to his face, resisting the urge to look at the photos he'd just taken; instead he searched through his emails until he found the one he was looking for.

'Ready?' He held the phone above Ennoshita, one hand over the screen.

Ennoshita nodded, so he moved his hand away; he watched as Ennoshita's eyes moved over the screen, reading the email's content.

'Is this for real?'

He wasn't sure whether he was annoyed from his voice; he'd stopped smiling, and his eyes were still scanning over the words.

'Yeah. Is it alright? I thought we needed a holiday, but I knew I couldn't look after you on my own yet, or for longer than two nights, cause you told me before about your bowels? So I made it in a couple of months time, so I can learn, and get used to everything, and driving the van, and...did I mess up? Say something.'

'You got me a holiday for my birthday. You want to go on holiday with me.'

'Well. Yeah. Don't you want to go on holiday with me?'

His answer was Ennoshita flinging himself at him with a spasm, butting his head into his mouth much faster than he'd probably been aiming for.

'Oof! What the fuck was that for?'

'Sorry! I was trying to kiss you. Of course I want to go on holiday with you! I didn't know if you'd, be up for, you know, that level of commitment.'

He rolled his eyes, and flicked his forehead. 'I told you yesterday, don't make me say it all again.'

'OK, OK, stop flicking me.'

'Stop head-butting me first!'

'Shall we start today? Mum can show you how to get me out of bed.' He was looking at him nervously, waiting for approval.

'Yes! Is that OK?'

'To be honest, I don't know what I've been worried about.' He kissed his forehead. 'You've seen every bit of my body, dealt with my piss, and I've had your cock in my mouth. I think giving me a wash and dressing me is the last of your worries.'

'How are you so romantic and yet so disgusting?'

'Practice.'

–

In the end, it wasn't difficult at all. There was really nothing fiddly about washing someone else's body, it was more a matter of taking care with the pressure he used so as not to set off a muscle spasm, and making sure he washed and dried thoroughly around any areas prone to skin irritation.

What was much more awkward was the look Toshi gave her son when she saw the marks all over his neck, especially when Ennoshita said, 'Don't look at me, it's his fault,' and nodded his head towards a blushing Terushima.

She blinked her eyes for longer than usual, breathed deeply, and then said, 'Let's just ignore the obvious here, and get him dressed.'

She showed him how to strap the catheter to his leg, tucking the urine bag into his sock to keep it safe. It was much harder to get his underpants and trousers on than his t-shirt, as his legs had a habit of jumping around when he was lying flat on his back. Once his clothes were on, Toshi passed a boot, and he copied her, opening the laces wide, and pushing the heel of it so his foot eased inside.

'You have to be careful doing this, you don't want to break any bones in his feet.' Terushima looked at her horrified, but she reassured him it would be unlikely.

After this, all that was left was to lift him into his wheelchair, which was done using the hoist; she showed him all the buttons, explaining what they all did, telling him not to worry if he didn't get it the first time, they'd keep showing him until he did. It wasn't difficult, he wasn't heavy, and Toshi was there checking the positioning the whole time.

An hour after they started, he was sitting upright in his electric wheelchair, straps over his legs and chest, and splints on his wrists. Sweat was dripping off Terushima, from the effort of lifting and moving him.

'Why don't you get yourself a shower? Mum can give me breakfast. I'll wait for you before I open my presents though.'

Terushima looked to Toshi, but she just nodded and told him to go ahead, and went off to make a start on the food.

Before following her, Ennoshita went over to whisper to Terushima. 'Really, I'd like to watch you shower as a birthday treat, but I think that might be pushing it.' He winked and reversed himself away through the door without waiting for a response.

As punishment for getting him even more hot and bothered, he chose to wear his new silk shirt, leaving the top four buttons undone to show off his love-bites.

Ennoshita was torn between being annoyed with him, and wanting to rip it off with his teeth, which he told him matter-of-factly while his Mum made them some coffee.

  
  


  
  


  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're in the home stretch now. Just a few plot points still to come, and no more arguing.


	22. Chapter 22

Ennoshita was discharged from the hospital in the first week of January, and left his old space behind with tears and gifts for everyone. Terushima took in presents of his own, for putting up with him he told them, including a silver necklace his Mum had helped him pick out for Rita.

Their routine changed again, and although the places changed, he still saw Ennoshita pretty much every day. He didn't usually go straight after work, often doing something with James instead. It gave Ennoshita time to keep in touch with everyone over Skype; he'd been programming his new computer set-up so he could make video calls without needing anyone else in the room, and was becoming a bit of an expert with small hacks he could make to his voice recognition programme to make it more useful.

Now he didn't have to stick to visiting hours, Terushima would see him at different times, and could also stay much later into the evening. Some days, Ennoshita had to go back to hospital for out-patient appointments, and there was still a weekly physiotherapy visit. Now Gill came to the house, she had even started showing Terushima some of the exercises he could be doing to help keep his joints flexible between her sessions.

His interest in anatomy from studying Biology, and in sports from playing at school, pinged once he started doing exercises with Ennoshita, and he found himself trawling websites to find more information. Gill exchanged email addresses with him, and would answer his questions, eventually wondering aloud if he had enough interest to consider physiotherapy as a career. He admitted he already had a Sports Science degree place waiting for him, having previously not known in which area he wanted to work and choosing something he would enjoy. She laughed, proclaiming it as fate.

By the end of the month, he could get Ennoshita into bed and out again with no help from anyone; once comfortable doing so, he would sometimes take a back seat from doing it, particularly when he was starting to feel more like his nurse than his boyfriend. He still got a thrill from arriving at the house before he was up, and seeing him walking through his bedroom door, face lighting up at the sight of him there waiting for him.

He was even starting to warm to the cats, particularly Earl. It was easy to see why she was Ennoshita's favourite; she was extremely friendly and would often follow Terushima around once she realised how close he was to her owner. Her usual sleeping spot was on Ennoshita's bed, and even though at first they kicked her out when he stayed over, eventually she was allowed to curl up under the duvet, pressed between them.

The biggest change was being able to go out in the van, and every Saturday he would arrive at about seven for a 'date night' somewhere. Usually they ended up at the local cinema, which had a number of restaurants within the same complex; it was close to the house, had plenty of parking, and the accessibility was good. Just being somewhere other than inside a hospital or the house was incredible, and they saw some awful films, and ate some terrible food while Ennoshita ranted about them, all while having an amazing time.

When their time was up, they'd go home, and he'd get him back into bed. Until he was settled in his bed, he would remain professional, responsible, and do the job he needed to do; once they were the other side of the invisible line, the switch would flick, and he would become his boyfriend again, crawling across the bed pushed against Ennoshita's to reach him.

It was the only night he would stay over, his early morning shifts made any other day impossible, so they made the most of their time together when they could. He was happy to hear the mattress pump could be turned off, so he could clamber on the same bed, at least for a little while; he was glad he didn't have to stay as far away from Ennoshita as he feared.

It was beautifully domestic and surprisingly effortless; but considering how much they've had to go through to get to this point, can we really begrudge them that?

–

February ended as suddenly as it had started, and Ennoshita finally finished the script he'd been writing. He refused to tell Terushima the storyline; all he knew was that Bokuto was playing the starring role, and it was something to do with time travel. It had taken months to write, partly because of the annoying voice recognition software refusing to comply with Ennoshita's demands. He'd written in a few small pieces of programming to try and make things work better, even though Terishima had no idea how he managed to do it.

'It's just small pieces of script,' Ennoshita said for about the twelfth time.

'But how is it easier to dictate that than it is to write an _actual_ script? It's ridiculous.'

'It's the way it expects me to format that's the issue. I mean, I can explain it if you want, but...'

He held his hands up in surrender. 'No, please don't. Let's retain some mystery.'

Terushima had his own areas of expertise which were a mystery to Ennoshita. He felt about the intricacies of the musculoskeletal system the way that Terushima felt about Ruby on Rails; he knew what the words meant individually, but when said together, it was just noise.

'I don't understand the point of this,' Ennoshita complained, as always, while Terushima bent his leg back against his chest, pressing onto his knee to stretch out his joints. 'I can't walk, it's not like this is going to miraculously cure me.'

'You're always so crabby when we do physio. Do you want your legs to seize up so much you can't even sit in your chair?'

'I'll just cut them off.'

'Stop threatening to cut your legs off, and do your bloody exercises.' He then explained exactly what the exercises did in so much detail that it was Ennoshita's turn to beg him to stop.

The decoration of the spare room was finally complete, and Akaashi and Bokuto arranged to stay in it for a week during the Easter holidays so that Ennoshita could make his film. The rest of Karasuno had been slated to help out as well, and a lot of time was spent organising who would be doing what on which days. Terushima, obviously, was drafted in as a personal assistant to the director.

As the school year went on, its end became more threatening. Some days they simply side-stepped the reality of Terushima moving away to Colchester, and other days they were forced to confront it head on.

'They sent my information back about where I want to live,' he said, looking confused at the letter as he read, 'They can't give me an accessible room in halls, I'd have to find somewhere off campus if I want one.'

'I didn't expect they'd let you have one just cause of me,' Ennoshita said, without looking away from his screen.

'I knew it was a long shot. I've never been to Colchester, I think I'm going to have to just take a room in halls until I know the area.' He looked up at Ennoshita, pouting. 'Means you can't come and stay.'

'I didn't expect I'd be able to.' He pushed himself away from his computer, and went over to where Terushima sat. 'Yuuji, my love, you have to manage your expectations. Think about it. How would I get there? If someone brought me over, where would they go? We wouldn't be alone. If you drove me over, you'd have to come and pick me up. Might as well just come home and stay with me anyway.'

'I just hate that everything isn't...right. You know? Like having to organise so much in advance for filming as well. It should just all be...there already.'

Ennoshita motioned his head and held his arms open for him to go and hug him; he was warm, and his lips brushed against Terushima's hair fondly. 'I know. But it isn't. We have to work with what we have. Like me changing the voice recognition so it works for me. We'll make it work for us too.'

He kissed him and said, 'I'll ring every day, and come home every weekend.'

'You might not be able to, just see when you get there.'

He pressed himself back into his chest, trying not to cry or tell him again he'd miss him. 'I'll Skype you in my underwear.'

'Finally!'

A few days later, the topic came up again when Terushima arrived one Thursday and asked Ennoshita what he'd been doing.

'I went to Karasuno this morning, to talk about going back to finish my A levels.'

'Really? At Karasuno?'

'I know it's a long way, before you say it as well. Everyone keeps telling me how far away it is, I didn't get a brain injury...' he trailed off muttering.

'Sorry, sorry. Surely you were nearly finished with them anyway?'

'Exactly. They said I can get away with doing one year, just going in three days, and working from home the rest. Think I should do it?'

Terushima wasn't sure why there was even a question there. 'If it's what you want, of course you should go back.' He sat next to him and leaned on the arm of his chair, propping his chin on his hand. 'Is it what you want?'

His eyebrows knitted together in thought. 'I'm not sure, really. I think so?'

'You don't _sound_ very sure.'

'It's the subjects, I suppose. They're not...useful. I thought I wanted to do film studies, so I went for the arts.' He looked over at his computer. 'But now...'

He knew what he was thinking; since getting the computer, he'd been more interested in learning how it worked, purely so he could change it. The scripts he was writing now were to create greater accessibility for his new needs, not to entertain people, and he was getting more than just usage out of them. When he told him something he'd managed to crack, he was fired up with pride. If someone helped him to harness this burgeoning talent...?

'You haven't chosen your degree yet. You could still do computer stuff.'

Ennoshita smiled at him. 'Yeah, they have “computer stuff” degrees, I already checked. There's one at a university with good accessibility. It's...up North. Lancaster. It's... a long way from Colchester. If I go next year, and you're still down there...'

He didn't need to say any more. 'That's a hell of a journey.'

'Yeah. Well, that's why I wanted to talk to you. There's nowhere near where you're going that I could go. Basically. I've checked. It's like you said the other day, I have to make sure of all these things. I have to be on campus, and some places just can't handle my needs.'

There was a pause, and Terushima felt an overwhelming gloom drape itself over him. He was still leaning on the chair arm, looking up at him, blinking to rid himself of his stinging eyes. Ennoshita's smile was almost apologetic.

'Fuck. I'm not sure I can do two years so far away from you.' He looked up at Ennoshita as if shocked by his own words. 'Oh man, sorry, that sounds so needy and selfish. Of course you should go. We can do two years. I'll move up there when I finish. We can do it.'

He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else. He started berating himself for spending every day with Ennoshita; his past greed for his time meant this would now be more difficult, unbearable even. Colchester wasn't as far away, he'd been thinking three years being an almost two hour journey away would be enough torture; Lancaster was more like five hours, he knew because he'd even been to see the sodding university when he was trying to decide where to go. He'd chosen Colchester over Lancaster, even though they'd both offered him a place, _because_ of how long it took to get there.

He was furious at his past self for choosing Colchester over Lancaster for something so insignificant, and tried to focus on this instead of how bereft he felt at the very thought of them being apart for so long.

'Do you really mean it? You'd move to Lancaster for me? When you finish?'

It was another seemingly obvious question. 'Of course I would!'

'Thank you.' His face was pink, and he was staring at his lap as he said, 'I sometimes forget how much you love me.'

He lunged at him, kissing him, until something occurred to him.

'Chikara, be honest.'

He looked suspicious. 'OK...'

'Are you trying to get me to do my degree in Lancaster instead of Colchester?'

'Maybe...'

He carried on kissing him, before standing up and ripping up the information about the halls of residence in Colchester. 'Right. I'll change my degree course then.'

By now, Ennoshita was laughing. 'Well. That was easy.'

Terushima put his arms around him again. 'All you had to do was ask, it's always going to be that easy.'

The laughing stopped, Ennoshita's face turning suddenly serious. 'You really mean that, don't you?'

'Of course I do.' He stroked his hair, tucking it behind his ear. 'I would...I would totally cut off your legs if you really wanted me to.'

Like that, the laughter began again, and he just shook his head, saying, 'You're such a beautiful weirdo.'

–

Quite often, in a post-orgasmic glow, Terushima would talk in his half-sleep. It was usually incomprehensible, and Ennoshita would just head butt him and tell him to turn the air filled mattress back on so they could go to sleep.

But then some nights, his nonsense would be audible words, and when they tickled Ennoshita in just the right way, he was usually too hysterical to explain why he was laughing in the first place.

'What? What did I say?'

'Oh stop! Please!' He was having trouble breathing through the laughter. 'That face just makes me laugh more. You're so sleepy and confused.'

'Shut up!' He pushed Ennoshita's shoulder, with less force than he hoped, which just made him laugh even more.

'Ah ha ha! Put the bed back on, and I'll tell you.'

Grumbling, Terushima untangled himself from the sheets, and went to clean up in the bathroom, pressing the button to re-inflate the mattress as he passed it. He could still hear giggling, although it was gradually subsiding, and finally replaced with a small sigh.

As he walked back to the bed, he grunted, 'Finished?' and then flopped back onto his pillow, with his back to him.

'Yes.' He butted him again, this time in the back of the head. 'Don't you want to know what you said?'

'Nope.'

'Spoilsport.'

'It's never funny anyway. I don't know why you laugh this much.'

Ennoshita caused himself to spasm into him, and this time kept his head against his back. 'Because it's you. It's just how you say it.' He kissed his shoulder a few times as he spoke, finishing by resting his chin on the top of it. 'You're just cute.'

'Go on then, what did I say?'

'”Put that dictaphone back in the rock.”' He kissed the side of his neck, stifling a laugh.

'I was right, that's not funny at all.'

'I know. Stop sulking and turn round. I'd like to kiss you goodnight, please.'

Despite more grumbling as he moved, Terushima turned over so he was facing Ennoshita, and pressed their foreheads together.

'That was very polite,' he said, their breath mingling with the proximity. 'So OK.' He tilted his head towards Ennoshita, bringing their lips to meet. It didn't matter how many times he kissed him, it always felt like a jolt of happiness, and he couldn't help but smile.

'Ah, there it is. I love that smile. That's a smile of...' he paused, thinking, before deciding on, 'Satisfaction.'

Terushima hummed his agreement. 'That's why I always talk rubbish. You make me insensible with pleasure.'

'Wow. That's quite a compliment. Bit over the top, maybe but...'

Terushima shook his head. 'No, it's the truth. It's always...perfect. You're so good.' He couldn't resist kissing him again, slipping his tongue past the seam of his lips, running its tip across them, enjoying the the low moan of approval.

'You're not so bad yourself.'

'Can I ask something?'

Ennoshita pulled away. 'Oh God. What now?'

He smiled back at him, knowing he was teasing him again. 'You...you enjoy it too, right?'

'What do you mean?'

'Sex. It's not...I don't want...I don't know how to say it. I always feel a bit...bad. Cause it's only me...getting...' He trailed off, looking down at himself, as he'd slung a leg over Ennoshita without really thinking about it.

'Honey, of course I enjoy it. Because _you_ do, I keep telling...'

'Yeah, yeah, I know you like seeing me getting off, and being the one to cause it. I do, I know all that.' He stroked a finger down his cheek, truly grateful for how Ennoshita would always reassure him in just the same way every time he had his doubts. 'But sometimes...do you ever want to try and see if maybe...you could...you know.'

Ennoshita breathed out a loud sigh. 'I mean, yeah, of course I've thought about it. But it's...pretty unlikely I could get...hard. Plus, there's so many other things to think about. It's bad enough when I get washed down there, I'm not sure tugging it is a good idea.'

'What do you mean? You didn't tell me it hurts to get washed?'

'No, no! It doesn't hurt. It does feel a bit weird though, and sometimes it sets off the catheter.'

'Oh I see.' Terushima wasn't ever sure what exactly 'setting off' the catheter meant, but he'd come to accept it as something uncomfortable which happened, and could lead to a variety of things; from something simple like just leaking urine, to the threat of dysreflexia.

Ennoshita had only experienced dysreflexia once when he'd been with him, and it wasn't something Terushima was keen to see happen again. His whole body had been covered in red blotches, like measles, and his face was screwed up in discomfort as he asked for his Nifedipine; Terushima had frantically run to fetch the closest pack of orange pills, stowed all over the house, which he knew would bring down his blood pressure quickly.

'So even if I managed to get hard, which I never have – not because I don't love you, or get turned on, I hasten to add – anyway, even if I got hard, I don't think you, urm, doing that would be a good idea.'

'What about your prostate?' Terushima said nonchalantly, Ennoshita's eyes widening at the candidness with which he spoke.

'Well, I'm not...that's probably the same really. It's best not to do anything which could cause pain, even if you didn't mean to. It's because...basically when my nerves feel pain, the impulse isn't sent to the brain, cause my spinal cord isn't complete. That's why I'll never...get a tattoo for example. 'Cause the pain might end up giving me a heart attack.'

'Ah right. So you don't want to try a prostate massager, or me giving you a blow job, or anything?'

'It's not worth it, really. Plus I'm fine with things the way they are. I do get feelings of being, eh...turned on, for want of a better word.' Ennoshita turned to him with interest. 'You'd really do all that, wouldn't you? If I wanted. You'd do that, just for me.'

Terushima rolled his eyes. 'I keep telling you. Yes, I would do anything you asked. I love you, I just don't want to be selfish.'

'Yuuji,' he breathed against his face, kissing his cheeks and jaw as he spoke. 'You are, without a doubt, the least selfish person I have ever met. I like to give you pleasure, because you make me happy every day, and you deserve it. Please, stop worrying about me not enjoying myself.' He moved to kiss his lips, so gently it made Terushima shiver against him. 'I enjoy myself every minute I spend with you.'

'You know I love you the most, don't you?'

'So you keep saying.' He bent in for a final goodnight kiss, before shuffling back onto his pillow. 'But I still think I got the better half of this deal .'

Terushima settled his head into his own pillow, and smiled as he closed his eyes. It was pointless arguing with him about who loved whom the most; they'd never been able to agree on it.

 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose Ruby on Rails as the programming language because my brother is an expert on it - he wrote the first book on using it. I'm very proud of my big bro


	23. Chapter 23

Bokuto stood stock still, in a white suit slightly too small on his arms; his eyebrows were furrowed over his nose, despite the stage directions on the script calling for him to look 'triumphant'.

'I don't know how you put up with him.' Ennoshita's head dropped so his chin rested on his chest, for the hundredth time that day. If he'd been able to move his hand upwards, he'd be face-palming himself for sure.

Akaashi's eye didn't move from the viewfinder, and the inflection of his voice was sarcastic, as he replied. 'My entire life is filled with the wonder of discovery. Each day I wake up, eager to find out what new mysteries it will hold.'

They all watched as Bokuto tried to remember his lines for the fourth time, eventually turning to the camera, and shouting, 'Don't shoot me any more, 'Kashi! I can't act!'

'No, but seriously.' Ennoshita nudged Akaashi's arm as he asked, 'Is his cock enormous or something?'

'Yes.' He turned and smirked at him.

Ennoshita spluttered a laugh, and Akaashi winked before turning back to the camera.

'Understood.' He spoke louder, this time directing his voice outwards to where Bokuto was standing, staring into space. 'I'll shoot a scene with Shouyou instead. Please use this time to calm down.' He turned to Ennoshita. 'We can do that scene with Natsu now, right?'

'I think so? Yuuji, can you go see if they're ready?'

'Oh! Yeah, 'course.' He'd thought for a minute they'd forgotten he was there; he jumped to his feet, and ran towards the changing room door.

'Runner' had never been a more apt job title; Terushima was basically running everywhere at the minute, as they only had two days left to film, were way behind schedule, and everything needed doing as quickly as possible.

Karasuno had generously loaned them the gymnasium for filming; they'd already agreed to let him, but when he sweetened the deal by making his large donation to the volleyball team, they also allowed the use of a few other rooms at the school. The changing room was being used as a dressing room, with Yacchi helping out doing make-up, and Yamaguchi on costumes.

He and Tsukishima had shown a flair for making things on the last film, when Ennoshita had refused to allow either of them to ever have speaking parts again. Yamaguchi was just too nervous, stammering through every sentence, and Tsukishima sounded disinterested every time he spoke. He was much better at building props and sets, and had an aptitude for ordering around the first and second years.

No one could manage the team as well as Daichi, though; it was the first production without him and Suga, and the lack of authority, as well as Bokuto's mood swings, meant everything was taking a lot longer than usual.

Hinata and his sister were still out of costume when he found them, so he loudly tutted, and strode over.

'You two! We're ready for you, quick!'

'It's not time yet!' Natsu protested, but Terushima was at the end of his tether.

'Just get on with it, please, we're behind schedule. Two minutes!'

They both groaned, and he shot them a look he hoped was terrifying. When their speed didn't change in any way, he suspected he hadn't been successful, and turned on his heel to go and update Ennoshita on the situation.

As he passed the door to the store room, he caught sight of Yamaguchi, once again trying to calm down Yacchi. At first he'd found it cute, but once he realised calming her down usually devolved into furious making out, he'd been parting them any time he saw them alone.

'Oi, you two! Get back to work. Shouyou and Natsu aren't ready and we need them.'

'S-sorry, of course. Right away!' Yacchi stammered.

'I feel like I'm the only person trying to get this thing finished,' he muttered, watching Yamaguchi following her with his eyes as she left. He clicked his fingers to get his attention, pushing his back gently out of the door after her. 'Later, please.'

He walked back into the gym, irritation building as he noticed the two ginger haired siblings still hadn't made it. 'Oh, for fuck's...' he huffed, turning to go straight back to the changing rooms, bumping into the two of them flying through the double doors.

'Sorry, sorry!' they shouted in unison.

'About time! Get over there.' He threw his arm out, pointing towards Ennoshita.

As they hurried past him, he heard Natsu whisper to her brother, 'I thought you said he was fun...'

This time Terushima actually did perform an exaggerated facepalm, and turned towards Ennoshita, who was eyeing him with concern. He gestured his head backwards, encouraging Terushima to go over to him.

'Hey. What's up?'

'Tomorrow is the last day, and it's just not going right. I made a schedule. If we don't keep to it, we won't be finished on time.'

'So?'

'Well. We won't...' He faltered as he spoke. 'What do you mean? Don't you want to finish?'

'Ideally, yes. We've always finished before, though.'

The other night, Ennoshita had told him they always finished, but he'd also told him they were usually working until the last minute, over-running and begging favours for extensions on hire agreements.

This time was different. With only a three hour window for directing each day, everything was supposed to be ready so all they had to do when they arrived was shoot; Terushima's saw his frustration as the fault of the rest of the production team and their unconcerned attitude to time management.

'Yuuji, talk to me. I've never seen you like this, it's weird. Can you please go back to being a moron? I'd feel much more at ease.'

'I just...want to be done on time. OK?' He tried to smile, but he didn't think it was that convincing, his only credible expression during filming was annoyance.

'Why don't you go and find Bokuto?' Akaashi said from behind his camera. 'He calms down more when someone else is anxious.'

'I'm not...'

'I just meant,' he spoke quietly, but firmly, 'That your nervous energy would help to get Bokuto acting again, and that will get us finished more quickly. Which is what we all want, yes?'

He walked off, even more irritated, more because Akaashi was right than anything. He was incredibly anxious, and had been the whole week.

Terushima had needed a lot of encouragement that everything would be alright before Bokuto and Akaashi came to stay. He hadn't even spoken to Bokuto, aside from a few emails, since their strained conversation after his misjudged disappearing act, even though Akaashi and Ennoshita had continued their usual friendship with no interruption.

He wasn't sure how they felt about him, but he suspected that at least Akaashi still held some resentment about the weekend he'd argued with Ennoshita, and had been forced into shouting at him over the phone.

Ennoshita's reassurances always followed a similar pattern. 'I've forgiven you, I'm sure they have too. It was months ago,' often with an added, 'And you need to forgive yourself as well.'

There was only one place he could imagine he was, and sure enough he found Bokuto in the P.E. teacher's office, one of the only rooms not being used in the gymnasium block. It was small and quiet, with a locking door, and had been designated as a space where people could retreat if they needed. Ennoshita had used it a couple of times, mostly for rearranging his catheter, and now Bokuto was sitting in there, head held between his hands.

'Kou?' he said from the open door, 'You need anything?'

'Nah. M'fine.' He was sitting on a small sofa along one wall, and didn't look up.

'Keiji asked me to find you. You've been gone a little while...'

'I'm fine, Yuuji.' The syllables were louder and more deliberate now. 'Go back.'

He started to move away from the door, but his frustration finally got the better of him. 'We're running out of time. We've done most of the filming, it's your scenes we're behind on.'

'Hey! Rushing me doesn't help.'

'Well, you being selfish doesn't help Chikara! You know he can only sit up for a short time.'

'We all know that! You're not the only one who knows stuff.' He punched his fist into the sofa behind him. 'Don't you think I feel bad about this already?'

'Then pull yourself together!'

He looked up from his hands, finally, an uncharacteristic sneer on his face. 'Yeah, 'cause telling someone to pull themselves together always helps people with mental health problems. I didn't know you were a psychologist now. Where did you train, Yuuji?'

He fell down on the sofa next to him. 'Sorry, Kou. I wasn't thinking. I'm just...so annoyed with them all. I shouldn't take it out on you though. You're here on time and work hard. Sorry.'

'No, sorry. I shouldn't be sarcastic.' He patted his shoulder. 'It's fine. I _am_ a bit of a baby.'

'A bit.'

'You really need to calm down though, pal. I don't recognise this version of you. I thought you were blissfully happy with Chikara and that's why you hadn't been in touch. Now... I dunno, I'm worried, dude.'

'Eh? Why are you worried?'

He looked at him with wide eyes. 'You're so tightly wound! You used to fool around, and joke, and now? We all call you Captain Clipboard.' He poked the clipboard lying on the floor with his foot. 'You unhappy?'

'God, no! I'm...ecstatic! I couldn't be any happier.'

'You might want to tell your face,' he grinned and nudged Terushima, who still looked confused. 'Seriously, though. I've hardly had chance to talk to you! You're out at work, then you come and get Chikara, drive him here, shout at us from behind a clipboard, take him home, and then go and sleep at your Mum's house.'

'Yeah, but...'

'Where's the fun? I thought we'd be having a night out! But that's not in your “schedule”,' he said in an uncanny impression of Terushima, 'So I guess we aren't. Meh, it's just, it's not what we expected. From what he says to Keiji.'

'W-what's he say to Keiji?'

'Oh, man, what doesn't he say! Urm, let me think...you're the best thing that ever happened to him? You're why he gets out of bed some days? He loves sucking your cock?'

'What? Jesus!" For a second he felt slightly proud of this confession, before being mortified. 'Why's he telling Keiji that?'

'It's not like he wanted to know! It was a whole thing,' Bokuto said, moving his hand around in a circle in front of his face. 'There was more than your cock, that's just what I remembered. So yeah! We expected more, I dunno. Affection. Lovey dovey stuff. More happiness!'

'It's been...a busy week.'

'Yeah? Well if you say there's nothing else, there's nothing else, then. Not like you ever run away from problems is it?' He lifted his eyebrows, never averting his gaze.

'That's not fair.'

'I'm just getting my own back for the “pull yourself together”.'

Terushima threw himself backwards on the sofa, and put a palm over each eye, pressing against them. 'Gah! How do you always do this? You always know.'

'I might not be a great actor, but I can read you like a pamphlet. Let me think for a minute.'

Terushima looked over at Bokuto, who had a tip of a finger tapping on his chin. He couldn't help but smile at how similar he looked to Akaashi.

'So, I think I might know. You're going to university soon, and you're going to miss him. It's that, right?'

'I...'

'You're avoiding it, but that's what it is. So you're focusing on being annoyed with us for being disorganised instead of just admitting you're gonna miss him.' He'd been sitting up straight and looking at him, but now he leaned sideways onto the back of the sofa so he could look him straight in the eyes. 'It's OK to be sad about that. I was. But you know what?'

He waited for a response, even though it wasn't really necessary. Terushima sighed, 'What?'

'It was easy. No joke. It was a piece of piss. Because we love each other, and we knew it wasn't forever, and whenever I saw him it was just... _incredible_ because I hadn't seen him and he's so beautiful, and...' His face floated away in that way it did whenever he thought about his boyfriend, snapping back after a second. 'Anyway, yeah, you can do it. We did! And look at us now!'

Terushima did look at him, thinking how right Akaashi had been. Bokuto's face was now glowing, and he knew he'd have no problem with acting if they went back on set right now. He just knew Bokuto so well, and apparently he also knew Terushima, because he was finally relaxed in Bokuto's company again, after months.

They still leaned against the back of the sofa, smiling at each other. He felt like he owed an explanation to Bokuto.

'I'm sorry I haven't been in touch.' He squeezed Bokuto's shoulder. 'I was feeling weird about the last time we spoke, and I just avoided that as well I guess.'

'S'fine. I was mad at ya, but we both got over it. You know we think you're good for him now, though, right?'

He angrily blinked his eyes, feeling the itch of tears. 'Yeah.'

''Cause you are. You're great for him. He's so happy. You only have to look at him.'

'Stop it, Kou,' he mumbled into his hand as he covered his face.

He reached across and ruffled his hair. 'Now who's the baby!'

–

The rest of the shoot was much smoother. Bokuto seemed to have completely forgotten about his earlier downward dip, and Terushima left his clipboard in the teacher's office, and tried to relax and enjoy it.

When he got back, Ennoshita could recognise the change in his smile, and winked at him as he talked through the shots he was looking for with Akaashi.

'Thank you for getting him to come back, Yuuji,' he said, peering through the viewfinder at Natsu playing on the floor. 'We should be on target to finish on time, and anything we don't manage to shoot before you have to leave, I've discussed with Chikara and I can finish off alone.'

'Thanks, Keiji. Sorry I was off with you earlier.'

He finally turned from the camera, and gave him a short, 'No need,' before continuing.

'I was thinking. Would you and Koutarou like to go out tomorrow night with us? It wouldn't be an all-nighter, I'm working next day, and I'd have to drive, and you'd have to follow in your car, but?'

He flicked his eyes, quickly, almost unnoticed, at Ennoshita, before answering. 'We'd love to. Thank you.'

Bokuto waved his arms above his head. 'Hey! Let's go! I'm ready!'

'Of course.' Akaashi moved his attention from Natsu to the impatient star of the film. 'Make your comeback, ace.'

–

The film remained unfinished; Ennoshita didn't care. He'd done what he set out to do, and proved to himself it was possible to write and direct a film when paralysed.

What wasn't so possible was editing a film without the use of his hands and with his current equipment. It was laborious and frustrating, and in the end, Ennoshita decided to pick his battles, and leave it to be picked up at a later date, if at all.

The other thing which made it worthwhile was how the experience had finally convinced Terushima that he had been forgiven by their two friends. The night out they shared cemented old bonds, and seeing Akaashi and Ennoshita drunk together was something of an eye-opener. Their long shared history and lowered inhibitions kept both he and Bokuto entertained, and they crawled in just after midnight, Terushima more or less pouring Ennoshita into his bed.

'You're the sloppiest drunk I've ever met,' he said, the fourth time he had to wake him up as he hung over the bed.

'S'only since the ac-cident. I only had a few ales.'

'Withnail and I?'

Ennoshita nodded, then leaned his head against the hoist. 'Cake and fine wine!'

'Watch your head, you nerd.'

He carried on chattering as he put him in bed, and undressed him. 'You love me though. You love me. A lot. I love you as well. And I'm going to make you feel so good in a minute. Just wait.'

'Chikara, my love, all you're going to do in a minute is pass out.' He pulled off his boots, throwing them behind him. 'Do you want a blanket?'

'No, just come and throw yourself on me instead.'

He covered him with a sheet, tucking it around his arms. 'I'll be back in a minute. I expect you'll be asleep.' His eyes were already closing as Terushima leant down to kiss his cheek, before making his way to the bathroom.

'Don't go,' came a small voice from the bed.

'I'm only cleaning my teeth. I'll be back in a minute,' he shouted over his shoulder.

'No. Don't go. To Lancaster. I can't...cope without you.'

Terushima put down the toothbrush and paste, and went back to him. 'I'm not going until September. And even then it's only nine months.' He smoothed his hair back from his forehead. 'We've got Skype, and I'll be home every couple of weeks.'

'I'll miss you.'

'I should hope so.'

'Will you miss me?'

'Of course I will.' He bent and kissed his head again. 'We'll both be so busy, it'll go so quick. Think about when someone's pregnant. It's no time at all is it? One day they're saying no to a glass of wine, the next they've got a baby.'

Ennoshita laughed, and it quickly turned into crying. Terushima knelt at the side of the bed, head on the pillow next to him.

'Hey, come on. You always cry when you've had a drink.' His hand moved to stroke the side of his face. 'We can do it.' He hated to see Ennoshita falling apart, especially about this; he worked so hard to hold himself together, he didn't think he had the energy to maintain them both.

'What if we can't?'

'Then...I'll come back.' He stood up, and went to pull his bed over next to Ennoshita's. 'But we have to try first.' Once the brakes were on, he turned the lights off, and slipped in next to him, wrapping himself around him in place of a blanket.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're avoiding sex, there's a short scene from 'you haven't had your present yet' to 'you didn't get your present yet'

The breakfasts he shared with his Father had become one of the highlights of Terushima's day, and he was starting to understand Hiro like never before. There was something about the early morning that brought out the best in their relationship, and even though they still didn't really discuss anything other than news, he felt closer to him than ever.

Hiro peered over the newspaper, and said, 'I think that sounds like a splendid idea. A birthday meal.'

'Yeah! Maybe, urm, that nice sea food place that Mum likes?'

'It's _your_ birthday. You like that place?'

He tipped up his bowl to gather the last scraps of his cereal. 'You know me, I'll eat anything.

'And does Chikara like sea food?'

'Urm. Yeah. Why?'

He folded the paper, and took off his glasses, putting them into the chest pocket of his suit. 'I don't want us to go somewhere he won't enjoy.'

'He – he's invited?'

'Of course. He's your boyfriend.' He stood up and picked up his keys. 'Why wouldn't he be?'

Terushima watched him leave, and dropped his spoon back into his dish. His Dad had never brought up his relationship again after meeting him, and Terushima had just assumed that he was begrudgingly accepting rather than enthusiastic about it.

He was washing up at the sink when his Mother finally came down in her dressing gown and started making her own food. He clicked the kettle on without even asking her, and they moved around the kitchen together in their silent morning dance.

'Have you decided what you want to do this weekend?'

'Oh, yeah. Dad just asked. I thought we should go to Corazones.'

She looked up with her first smile of the day. 'Oh, I love that place! They do great calamari.'

'I know.' He smiled back at her and started to leave, before turning back. 'Mum? Can I ask something?'

'Everything OK?'

'Yeah, yeah. I was just wondering what Dad thinks about me and Chikara. He never really says much.'

'You know what your Dad's like. He doesn't say much about anything.'

'I guess.' He started towards the door again, and this time it was his Mum saying his name that drew him back.

'Yuuji? Come here a minute.' He went back to her and she took his hand, looking at him with concern. 'You sure everything's OK?'

'Yeah, just...it's been a year since I met him. Been thinking about things I suppose.'

'As long as you're happy, your Dad's happy. You know that, right?'

'I suppose.'

She squeezed his hand, forcing him to look at her. 'He might not say it, but you know it's true. You'd know if he didn't like Chikara. With him, no news is good news.'

He thought for a minute. 'I didn't expect him to want Chikara there for my birthday. I don't know why. Maybe...oh, he's just not like you, is he? You want to know how things are going, and you ask after him. Dad never seems interested.'

She laughed. 'That's because he asks me.'

'He asks about us?'

'Every day. You're his only son, you're the light of his tiny world you know. There's me, his job, and you. He doesn't care about much else.'

'Oh.' His parents were so different to each other; he'd never questioned the love his Mum had for him, she was continually telling him, always asking him questions, calling him her little Bee. His Dad on the other hand, he'd always seen as a staunch presence, requiring payment from him in good grades, eventually providing him with a befitting legacy

'He's going to miss you, you know. He loves having breakfast with you every day.'

'Really?' This came as such a surprise to him, he couldn't keep the squeak out of his voice.

'Of course! Why else do you think I wait until he goes to come downstairs?'

'Huh.' He was reeling a little from the revelation, even though it shouldn't have been such a surprise that his Father loved him. He knew that, of course he did, but he hadn't really realised his Father _liked_ him, was fond of him, wanted to spend time with him.

She started rubbing his hand in hers, and it was the most comforting thing in the world; suddenly he felt a pang that her hands would be five hours away soon. 'You know, you can bring Chikara here any time you want. I know it's easier to go there, but he's welcome here.'

'Thanks. That's...nice. We'll see how it goes over the weekend.'

'Of course. Now, you'd better get yourself to work, eh? I'll book a table for Saturday.'

He started walking out again, and was brought back from the exit a third time. 'Don't forget to ask for a table on the ground floor.'

'I won't.'

–

Terushima's birthday was the best he'd ever had, he was sure of it.

His day started when his Mum woke him up at ten. He'd managed to bag himself a day off, and it was the latest he'd slept on a Saturday for months. Luckily, his hangover from seeing Bobata and Futamata wasn't as bad as the last time, and despite the lie-in, he was feeling bright and excited for what was to follow.

The three of them sat down to eat together; his Mother made them a large brunch spread, with eggs, sausages, bacon, and all the trimmings, while his Father made a pot of coffee on the stove top. Both treats were traditional on anyone's birthday, and he realised it would be the last birthday brunch they would have together before Lancaster, and as such, maybe even the last ever.

It seemed his Mum had been thinking the same, and after the savoury course, she brought out a platter of fruit and some buck's fizz, and his Dad gave a inappropriately grand speech about him turning nineteen, becoming a man, and going to university.

Even though he'd thought his meal that evening was his gift, his Mum brought out a box wrapped in gold striped paper. Inside was a colouring book of anatomical drawings, which looked surprisingly useful rather than a novelty, and a selection of other smaller parcels. It reminded him of the Christmas stocking he'd opened with Ennoshita, and the gifts inside were probably about as useful; a keyring with a photograph of their village on it, a pair of socks with the bones of the feet printed onto them, a spiked rubber ball (which his Mum assured him was useful for muscle massage), and a t-shirt saying 'Trust me I'm a physio' which caused him to loudly tut.

The gifts when gathered together spoke volumes though, and he would pack each and every one to take to university, even if he never wore the stupid t-shirt.

The afternoon was reserved for calling his Grandparents in Japan, who grumbled that he didn't call often enough, and that his Japanese was very rusty. It was hard to concentrate with his parents correcting him in the background, and he wished, not for the first time, that his Grandparents would get themselves a computer and learn to use Skype.

By five, he was pretty exhausted for someone who had done very little all day; he blamed it on the buck's fizz and the stress of speaking Japanese. The table was booked for seven, so he decided to just take a bath instead of a shower, and eke out getting ready for the evening. Once he was finished, he started throwing a few things into a bag for staying over at Ennoshita's after his parents picked him up.

He was already wearing his dark jeans and shoes, rifling through his collection of shirts, when he realised his Mother was watching him from the door. There was a sad smile playing across her mouth, as she said, 'That dark one with the squares,' and moved away to find her own outfit.

The black silk, patterned all over with small diamond shapes which only showed when the light played across it, was a good choice; he buttoned it up, and checked his reflection, surprising himself with his appearance. Had he looked this old the day before? Why hadn't he noticed?

His reflection in the mirror above the living room fireplace looked just as mature as he poked his blonde hair into position. His Dad appeared behind him, stiff as always in a suit and tie; a hand clasped his shoulder, and when he flicked his eyes to look into his Dad's, the pride was searing from them, rooting him to the spot.

He gulped, and the moment was gone as quickly as it arrived.

Ennoshita was already at the restaurant when they arrived, waiting with Toshi and Jin. All four parents caught up while he greeted Ennoshita, kissing him chastely in the reception area.

Before Ennoshita's parents left, they passed over an envelope, and he opened it to find a gift voucher for a nearby water park. He tried to hide his confusion, thanking them; but when they'd gone, Ennoshita admitted he had no idea where they got the idea from, but they'd thought as he was interested in sports, he might enjoy the canoeing, water skiing, or even bungee jumping, they provided there. The thought that had actually gone into the seemingly strange present filled him with affection for them, and he vowed to use it as soon as he could.

Corazones was always amazing food, and the table groaned with plates of tapas, everyone piling it into their mouths as if someone was going to take it away from them. Despite the large brunch, it seemed a long way ago now, and Ennoshita admitted he skipped lunch because he loved sea food so much.

Once the main course was finished, Terushima was unsurprised to see a cake being brought to the table by a couple of the waiting staff, even though they attempted to shield it from view with a piece of cardboard. It was small and simple, with a picture of a blue haired boy with a dog, which elicited a large whooping laugh from him; this was definitely Ennoshita's doing, there was no way his parents would even know this character from the otome game the two of them played together. He blew out the nineteen candles, and kissed Ennoshita's cheek.

They stayed at the table long after they'd finished eating, picking at the cake absent mindedly as they carried on drinking. It was the first time in a long while Terushima had drunk alcohol two nights running, and he slowed down, thinking of how he was staying with Ennoshita for the night.

He looked at him as he chatted to his parents, ruddy-cheeked from wine and laughing, and everything just seemed so perfect. He grabbed his chin and kissed him mid-sentence, and he realised he was drunker than he thought he was; the others just laughed at his blushing apologies, Ennoshita leaning sideways to whisper something dirty about birthday gifts that Terushima couldn't quite catch.

Toshi arrived to pick them up, and stayed for a glass of some prosecco, somehow there was a bottle on the table, and also picked at the cake. She pointed to the corner remaining, saying, 'Isn't that Ren?' and Ennoshita was hysterical with delight.

The whole drive home, Terushima was turned in his seat, gazing at Ennoshita. It was almost impossible to keep his eyes off him, the love he felt was so overpowering at that moment, no doubt magnified by alcohol, his chest throbbing with impatience.

Jin insisted that he put Ennoshita in bed, worrying that Terushima might make a mistake. He reassured him that he only meant due to the alcohol, he trusted him usually, but he did seem particularly unsteady on his feet. Terushima waited in the kitchen, a pint of water thrust at him by Toshi, a smile on her face as she told him he'd thank her in the morning.

Finally, he was allowed to go into the bedroom. Only the single bulb lamp above the bed was lit, throwing Ennoshita's face into shadow, and Jin had already moved the bed over. This small sign of kind acceptance almost brought him to tears, so he rushed to the bathroom and splashed water on his face to quickly bring himself out of it.

'Are you OK?' Ennoshita called through.

'Yeah...just. Bit warm.'

'Come to bed. You haven't had your present yet.'

He strode back, undoing his shirt, taking off his jeans, unable to wait or tease him in any way. He eased off his boxers, and fell to the bed, crawling across on his hands and knees until he reached him. He grabbed him, as roughly as he was able, desire mounting at breakneck speed, and immediately crashed his lips against Ennoshita's.

He could taste the birthday cake in his mouth, overpowering all his senses as he licked into him. He was already half hard, had been since the car journey, but was trying to hold back. It was impossible.

Once he got a taste of him he wanted more; he threw back the sheets, exposing his chest, and began biting at his shoulder, his collarbones, nibbling along his neck, pulling on his ear lobes. His hunger was without satiety.

He barely noticed Ennoshita trying to reach him, he was too caught up in tasting every inch of his body. He dipped down to his nipples, usually left untouched, and suckled on him; Ennoshita gasped, letting out a string of curses.

Terushima moved back to his mouth. 'Did that hurt? Are you OK?'

His pupils were wide and dark, his voice pleading. 'Yes, yes, do it again. I felt it, just...do it again, please.'

He swirled his tongue around Ennoshita's nipple before biting gently again. A beg of, 'Harder,' spurred him onwards, and he held it in his teeth, as strongly as he dared, before sucking it into his mouth, clamping his lips around it.

'Oh, fuck!' He looked up to see Ennoshita was writhing under his touch, so he pressed his tongue stud against the sensitive nub. His eyes were closed, his head bent backwards, and Terushima had the sudden urge to bite his neck again.

'Let me...oh, God...move up here...I want...'

Despite his fragmented words, he knew what he wanted; he slid up the bed, allowing Ennoshita to reach his chest, where he repaid the favour, sucking on his nipples. Terushima tugged the hair at his nape, and when he couldn't resist any more, put his leg over him, and began grinding against his thigh.

He was so hard and he was so in love. He looked down, and Ennoshita was looking up at him, under heavy eyelids, mouth open and panting.

'You OK?' he asked, sliding back down so he was level with his face. He kissed him, and when he got no reply, he asked again.

'Yes. I'm...fuck. I love you. I'm so...let me?'

He needed say no more. Terushima moved, one knee next to his head, and the other leg over his chest. He looked down, checking Ennoshita wasn't being crushed, but he was already kissing and biting the thigh near his face. Terushima steadied himself with hands against the wall behind the bed, and when he pushed against it, he could move his hips away from Ennoshita's face.

It was frantic and sloppy, the both of them beyond any more delay. His foot on the bed gave him extra support, and he could thrust into Ennoshita, at an angle and speed that made them both groan with restlessness.

'I can't hold on much more,' Terushima said as he felt the surge overtake him. 'What do you...'

'Swallow,' he said, taking the tip out of his mouth for only a second, before hollowing his cheeks as he took most of him back into it.

He lost himself in the warm, yielding sensation of his mouth around him, familiar but still so enticing; the sounds of his sucking mixing with his humming, the slight vanilla still lingering around his lips as he bit them to stifle his own moans.

The few seconds between knowing he was going to come, and the explosion hitting the back of Ennoshita's throat, were divine; his eyes shut so tightly he could only see white, and all he could feel was the connection they had. He'd once described it as 'one inside the other' and Terushima had never forgotten how simple yet dirty it sounded, and now every time he came, he thought of that.

He slumped onto the bed, panting, moved next to Ennoshita when he noticed his straining to reach him. Kissed him a few times, put his arms around him. It was just a blur.

It took about five seconds to fall asleep, and next day all he remembered after the intimacy was being woken up to move his arm out from under Ennoshita's neck cause it was hurting him.

–

'You didn't get your present.'

It was about eight, and Terushima was snuggled back against Ennoshita. 'I'm pretty sure I did. That was enough. And the cake!'

'There should be a box in the bed. Somewhere...Dad put it there last night.'

Terushima rolled away, pawing behind him. His hand slipped under his pillow, and his fingers closed around a small box.

As he pulled it out, he asked, 'This?' It was black with gold stripes, and too small to not make him nervous.

'Yeah. Open it.'

His hands trembled as he pulled away the ribbon tying it shut, and he looked to Ennoshita before opening the lid.

'What's wrong? Get it open! I want to know if you like them.'

Them. Not _it_. Was he finally breathing a sigh of relief? Or was that...disappointment?

He opened the lid to reveal two small metal circles, darker than silver, not quite black but close. On each was embossed the outline of a bee. It was barely visible, only when they caught the light, reminding him of his shirt from the night before. Ennoshita knew how he liked when subtle differences were reflected like this. They were exquisite.

He lifted one from the foam, and it was revealed to be an earring. He immediately took out the studs he was wearing, and replaced them, before swooping down and grabbing his face.

'They're beautiful. Where the hell did you find these?'

'I got them from someone on Etsy. It was you who gave me the idea, after the knitted scotch egg.'

Terushima reached for his phone, and turned the camera on himself to look at them again. 'They're so...subtle. You can hardly see the pattern unless you get really close.'

'Exactly what I thought. Let me have another look at them now you have them in.'

He got back under the covers with Ennoshita, turning his head so he could see the bees. 'I really love them. Mum will too. You know she calls me Bee, right?'

He laughed. 'Of course I do, that's why I got bees. I figured, something to remind you of me, but also your parents. Didn't you notice? The bees aren't the same.'

'Really?'

'Yeah, one's a honey bee, for your Mum obviously, and one's a carpenter bee. Carpenter bees are solitary, although they can settle down in small social groups. I don't know, somehow they reminded me of your Dad.'

'This is, without a doubt, the most thoughtful gift I've ever got.' He kissed him. 'Thank you.'

'Better than the Aoba cake?'

'That wasn't even a real Aoba cake, it looked way too good.'

'Memelord.' He kissed him again; Terushima would never get sick of that feeling, like a tug and falling at the same time.

They settled into sleepy morning kisses, slowing eventually into nuzzling and holding each other, and finally contented sighs.

'Admit it. You were worried for a minute.'

They both knew what Ennoshita meant, and he was probably only teasing, but he decided not to answer anyway; he had definitely been nervous for a minute or two, but then, it had melted into a breathless anticipation.

He mentioned none of this, as he wasn't sure he could stop himself from admitting he had felt a fleeting moment of dissatisfaction when the box held only earrings.

–

_'Oh fuck, I had no idea it would be this high.'_

_'How tall did you think three hundred feet was?'_

_Terushima looked up at the crane suspended over the lake, and then back down at Ennoshita. 'Not that tall.'_

_Akaashi put a hand on his shoulder. 'You don't have to go through with it. No one will think any less of you.'_

_'No, I know. But I want to do it. I'm ready.'_

_'OK. Don't let Koutarou pressure you.'_

_Bokuto was already bobbing around at the foot of the ladder talking to someone wearing an official looking uniform. He turned around and shouted, 'Yuuji! Do you want to be strapped together, or go on your own?'_

_'On my own!' He had never shouted anything more quickly or loudly._

_'Are you sure?' Ennoshita was peering sideways at him. 'You might feel safer being attached to that hunk of muscle.'_

_'He is stupendously pleasant to press yourself up against,' Akaashi observed thoughtfully._

_'No! If something goes wrong...that's both of us. If I go alone, and I fall, then it's only my fault.'_

_'Yuuji, please don't fall. I'm not sure we've got a future if you break your neck as well.'_

_He bent down and tilted Ennoshita's chin upwards, smiling at him, before bending down to press a kiss against his lips. The taste of cinnamon and the smell of cedar mingled, giving him that familiar warm flush that spread through his chest._

_He withdrew, with a gentle clicking of metal on teeth, and smiled. 'Better split up now before we get too attached, then.'_

_Bokuto waved at him again, signalling they were ready. He wasn't sure if he was, but he ran over anyway, putting an arm round his friend. They both turned, waving at the other two watching, waiting._

_Terushima had been preparing for a three hundred feet climb, and was embarrassing relieved to see the crane lowering the platform to bring them back up to the top. It was a dizzying journey from the ground to the top, the platform swaying and making him uneasy._

_Bokuto grabbed his hand, checking he was alright, and then held it in the air. 'We're on our way, dude! Are you excited?'_

_'Not at all.' His eyes were squeezed tightly shut. 'I really hate heights.'_

_'You idiot, why are you doing a bungee jump, then?'_

_'Because I don't want to be scared any more. Of anything.'_

_Bokuto hugged him into his chest. 'Are you sure you don't want to be strapped together?'_

_'No, I need to do this alone. Can I go first as well?' He finally opened his eyes., fixing Bokuto in a serious stare. 'Then if anything happens, you don't jump. OK?'_

_'Dude, that makes no sense.'_

_'Promise me, Kou, please?' He held onto both of Bokuto's hands as he pleaded._

_Seeing how serious he was, he clutched his hands in return and earnestly made his vow. 'Nothing will happen! But, if it does, of course I won't jump.'_

_Terushima looked at the ground, for a second, before realising his mistake and looking back towards their destination. They were almost there, and any minute now, they'd be strapping him in._

_He strained to see Ennoshita and Akaashi, but everyone left behind looked like ants. He closed his eyes again, breathing deeply, and the platform shuddered to a halt._

_The instructor held up the harness, and began strapping it around him, going over the safety precautions they asked him to read, and giving him instructions. He looked down, and the way the straps encircled his chest reminded him of Ennoshita's plastic vest he'd had to wear while he was recovering, and it reminded him of why he was doing this._

_The future felt uncertain, but there was nothing to be afraid of. He was in love with Ennoshita, and they'd make it work. It was only a year they'd be apart, and he'd make sure to know his way around Lancaster before he arrived._

_He'd find a good restaurant to take him out for date night, hopefully with decent sea food. He'd find the cinema which showed the most obscure films and was also wheelchair accessible. There was a castle in Lancaster, he'd see if it was worth going up there for a walk._

_If he could conquer this bungee jump, he could do anything, even live apart from Ennoshita for a few months. It was nothing in the grand scheme of things._

_They'd finished connecting the elastic cord to his ankles, and told him to go whenever he was ready._

_He took a last look at Bokuto, who gave him a thumbs up before he stretched his arms wide, and faced the front again._

_He jumped._

_The blue of the water rushed towards him, before he was snapped back up towards the platform again; he dangled on the end of the cord, swinging backwards and forwards, up and down. As the wind rushed through his hair and burnt his face, he wondered what he'd ever been worrying about._

_At nineteen years old, Terushima Yuuji was no longer terrified of heights._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone!
> 
> There'll be a sequel coming shortly, and possibly some one-shots too. We need to know where this love affair goes, don't we?
> 
> A massive thank you to Zelda, who read this for me before posting, told me which bits were nonsense, which bits she liked, and which bits I needed to totally rewrite so it made sense. You are the true MVP


End file.
